The Never Ending Story

things like "The come and get it Trophy"If the boys want work? Planey's strange brother-in-law bought an old Toyota Corona finished in Burnt Orange, but did'nt like the colour, so painted it with a roller and heritage-green paint left over from doing his roof. (And he's not kidding).

 

So all home-builders who are looking for someone to finish off your pride and joy, I know the very person to help you. 230 Jabbys are his speciality and he loves to give people pleasant surprises..................

...... in a manner similar to the way it is done on "The Secret Millionaire", but in reverse, as while the millionaire in disguise chats and get's to know the recipient, he nicks their wallets and handbags.

"You can't do that" yelled policeman Planey.

"How do you think I got to be a millionaire in the first place" he responded "And as for 'The Come-and-get-it Trophy', I suggest that you 'Go-and-get ................

...... in a manner similar to the way it is done on "The Secret Millionaire", but in reverse, as while the millionaire in disguise chats and get's to know the recipient, he nicks their wallets and handbags.

"You can't do that" yelled policeman Planey.

 

"How do you think I got to be a millionaire in the first place" he responded "And as for 'The Come-and-get-it Trophy', I suggest that you 'Go-and-get ................

"..****ed"

Rat, who was also known to the AFP as "Iguana", which really shows up their inexpertise in anthropology, was under investigation...

"..****ed"

Rat, who was also known to the AFP as "Iguana", which really shows up their inexpertise in anthropology, was under investigation...

.......... not because he had ill-gotten gains, or was a billionaire, or moved in shady circles (other than this thread), but he has the AFP code-name "Iguana" because his eyes are on the side of his head and move independantly, he can change colour at the drop of a hat, his tongue is 256 mm long (and he can breath through his ears).

"WOW" said ...............

.......... (and he can breath through his ears).

"WOW" said ...............

Planey, who was very impressed, and assuming he has regular trips to the barber, to keep the whiskers clear. "I could have done with that talent yesterday, when driving through the M5 tunnel".cough, cough,wheeze, wheeze!:thumb_down:

Iguana's like that are a rare breed indeed, and...............

Planey, who was very impressed, and assuming he has regular trips to the barber, to keep the whiskers clear. "I could have done with that talent yesterday, when driving through the M5 tunnel".cough, cough,wheeze, wheeze!:thumb_down: Iguana's like that are a rare breed indeed, and...............

"Hang on" said Mavis, "How long is 256mm in inches?"

Elratto could not take his eyes off her heaving bosoms, because with eyes are on the side of his head that move independantly, he had trouble counting them all.

This caused a little known reaction called Slartusstiffusneckus syndrome which can only be cured by........

innoculation against quadulitits, when you're not sure whether she has two sets, or, you're simply suffering from double-vision.

This I must see with my own eyes", responded ElPervitrori who could possibly have a little Italian blood in him (not that there'd be anything wrong with that) If it's good enough for the Presidenti to carry on, i'll say know more.

"My GodFathers" said LeeringLocksy from behind his mirrored sunny's:gleam:.

Fortunately nobody has yet spotted my sideways glances at the lovelies, as they are too distracted by my white cane.:gerg: However, to be on the safe side, i'd insist on sighting a proof of age card.

"My GodFathers" said LeeringLocksy from behind his mirrored sunny's:gleam:.Fortunately nobody has yet spotted my sideways glances at the lovelies, as they are too distracted by my white cane.:gerg: However, to be on the safe side, i'd insist on sighting a proof of age card.

... to make sure that I don't get anything under 55." he added.

Planey was driving through the tunnel in his M5 (see post#4926) so we all now know that he has a quid, although it would need to be locked away in a shipping container in order for him to get insurance down Padstow way.

And all, including Mave, have focused on the length, but nobody has noticed that ElRatsack got mixed up between Iguanas and Chameleons ......... however since when have correct facts (or identification of species) been a factor in the NES.

"Oh bugger" said Charles (Darwin) as after the Skipper's post #4925, I have almost completely re-written "The Origins of Man", to bring to the fore this predilection that women, and some scribes here (not that there is anything wrong with that), have about tongue-work and .....................

"Oh bugger" said Charles (Darwin) as after the Skipper's post #4925, I have almost completely re-written "The Origins of Man", to bring to the fore this predilection that women, and some scribes here (not that there is anything wrong with that), have about tongue-work and .....................

".....tricycles vs tail skids, although some say it's better to get it on first"

".....tricycles vs tail skids, although some say it's better to get it on first"

"Skiddies" sneered Mavis, "Dont talk to me about skiddies"

"My son leaves more skiddies than a highway fulla hoons. Some weeks I am up to my elbows in skiddies"

Now, Mavis was not the brightest lamp in the chandelier and had no idea what a tail skid (aviation term) was.

This was because at school, once all the boys had got over the shock of ...............

"Skiddies" sneered Mavis, "Dont talk to me about skiddies""My son leaves more skiddies than a highway fulla hoons. Some weeks I am up to my elbows in skiddies"

 

Now, Mavis was not the brightest lamp in the chandelier and had no idea what a tail skid (aviation term) was.

 

This was because at school, once all the boys had got over the shock of ...............

.......... what happens to boarders, the rest is easy.

"It was for me" said Charlie D "But I have to also say that I left a few skiddies when I did my tail-wheel training, too."

"Me too" said SlartiSkidMarks, who did his training at Uranquinty in a Tiger Pup just after the Bore War.

"And while I have yez attention" added Charlie "It'd add greatly to the "Origins of Man" if I could separately interview Ahstar, the TurboPlunger, Double D and Brine to get a handle about your family trees (or ferns, lychens and mould) on how you all evolved separately into those ........

.........."And while I have yez attention" added Charlie "It'd add greatly to the "Origins of Man" if I could separately interview Ahstar, the TurboPlunger, Double D and Brine to get a handle about your family trees (or ferns, lychens and mould) on how you all evolved separately into those ........

...... things that yez are, as I think some of you antipodians have even learnt how to use tools."

"But" he added "Hypothetically, in the future, I suspect that yez will evolve into ...........

My Aunt said "Things sure slow down on the NES, don't they, when Turbs goes off to a holiday resort (with sharp knives) for a well earned sebatical ..... out in the garden."

...... things that yez are, as I think some of you antipodians have even learnt how to use tools."

"But" he added "Hypothetically, in the future, I suspect that yez will evolve into ...........

 

.... :artist: Artists, figurativly speaking...though Artlocks has always showed his gay & wonderous artistic side in his ProArt leggings...

.... :artist: Artists, figurativly speaking...though Artlocks has always showed his gay & wonderous artistic side in his ProArt leggings...

"Oh Meeester Hart" said ArtLocks in an accent like that poor middle eastern Broken Hillian lady who had to clean up the joint "Those aren't leggings, those are varicose veins that accurately depict the route (including Highways and all class A, B & C roads) between Kooringal and Warsaw, from when AhStar picked up his beer can."

"I always thought that was a tattoo, although I do now notice that those veins also include elevation changes (including The Rock, the Alps and that big hill just north of Gundagai)" commented Mavis "And the map goes all the way north to the Ahlock's Blue Grotto (well, it's sort of a "blueish purple") just out of Warsaw."

"Welcome back 'H'" said Ratatouille "I never realised when we sat around your camp at Natfly last year that the 'H' might have stood for 'Hart' (The Younger), because ...............

[quote=Captain;274591..............

..."Welcome back 'H'" said Ratatouille "I never realised when we sat around your camp at Natfly last year that the 'H' might have stood for 'Hart' (The Younger)]SP[/size]LAT!!"

MrHart had wondered why the RaterCritic hadn't said anything:drool:"You know I framed it", said MrHartache "Its hanging up in the local MacRattery.

A glorious example of my work. I call it Vomart!"

...it only comes in one colour, and it is only a available from....

...outside the side door of the Bangholme pub."

"I don't remember eating that??" mumbled mrHartist as he staggered back from his latest commissioned piece. "There's no way I could have swallowed a whole....

Mingle.....

Sorry, think I answered something 1000 posts ago, iPhone screen is smaller than....

Sorry, think I answered something 1000 posts ago, iPhone screen is smaller than....

".....a bees bollocks with all the pollen scraped off" sneered Mavis

"iPhone, shmiphone, there is no need to brag. My ringtone is..............."

".....a bees bollocks with all the pollen scraped off" sneered Mavis"iPhone, shmiphone, there is no need to brag. My ringtone is..............."

...... that of a black bakerlite object-d'art that has a round chromed thing on the front with 10 holes in it."

"That's novel" said MrH, as he loaded his next cannon with items that had an aviation theme, and aimed it at the Axeminster.

But he was distracted, as Mavis came into his camp at Temora, all tizzied up and aroused from having just attended the member's meeting with the Board and CEO "Oh Meeeeester H" she cooed "Your not going to use that cannon to "mingle" with me, and ..........................

...... that of a black bakerlite object-d'art that has a round chromed thing on the front with 10 holes in it."

"That's novel" said MrH, as he loaded his next cannon with items that had an aviation theme, and aimed it at the Axeminster.

 

But he was distracted, as Mavis came into his camp at Temora, all tizzied up and aroused from having just attended the member's meeting with the Board and CEO "Oh Meeeeester H" she cooed "Your not going to use that cannon to "mingle" with me, and ..........................

....mmm..." Mavis trailed off in her own thoughts. :Rabia:MrHart turned to Rattatooey and said "Did you notice my new work of art at the Temora general meeting?

I've taken my art in a new direction after the success om my VomHart period.....its called PHart. Funny how the hanger cleared so quickly when I exhibited it - must have been something rotten those board members said".

....mmm..." Mavis trailed off in her own thoughts. :Rabia:MrHart turned to Rattatooey and said "Did you notice my new work of art at the Temora general meeting? I've taken my art in a new direction after the success om my VomHart period.....its called PHart. Funny how the hanger cleared so quickly when I exhibited it - must have been something rotten those board members said".

However the creator of PHart had also made a freudian, as his work o'PHart at the Temora General Meeting showed a few Board Members dressed in Ned Kelly helmets ("But which ones?" I hear you ask), with the CASA Inspector (from about 3000 posts ago) leaping from a phone-box, looking decidedly like the CEO (but it is a characature so that must just be a coincidence ..... "It's Art" said H defensively "So what else do ya want, you Philistines?" "Did someone call me?" asked Phillis), with his CASA masters noting down all the data that he slipped to them, while dressed as .....................

with his CASA masters noting down all the data that he slipped to them, while dressed as .....................

...both Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde, depending which forum he was on, and which buddy he was protecting........

Turbo is carrying two sweet potatoes around in a wheelbarrow

..... Turbo is carrying two sweet potatoes around in a wheelbarrow

"Oh Meeester Planner" said Meeester H "Have a heart. I weesh I needed a wheelbarrow to carry mine around."

Turbo replied "I bet you do, mate. In my case eeeet's because I ..............

"Oh Meeester Planner" said Meeester H "Have a heart. I weesh I needed a wheelbarrow to carry mine around."

Turbo replied "I bet you do, mate. In my case eeeet's because I ..............

"...... regularly rolled on the floor covered in spaghetti and meat balls"...