The Never Ending Story

.......he knew he had to slow it down slowly so he got Wu Fat to hang his arms and legs out the sides and it worked beautifully with....

.......he knew he had to slow it down slowly so he got Wu Fat to hang his arms and legs out the sides and it worked beautifully with....

 

....... the added advantage that Cracka also provided his own skid below the aircraft (avref) which aided the landing but which .......

........tended to wear down after a few of the Captain's famous skids, leaving the pilot's delicate parts exposed to.....

........tended to wear down after a few of the Captain's famous skids, leaving the pilot's delicate parts exposed to.....

 

...... the searing Splatrey sun and the sandfries, oh my god the sandfries, which may be worse in bone but are still .......

.......the world's most venomous sand flies.

If they get a good bite, they'll turn your blood to water and you'll bleed out on the sand and......

.......the world's most venomous sand flies.

 

If they get a good bite, they'll turn your blood to water and you'll bleed out on the sand and......

 

..... you'll need more than Bushmans to .......

The Splatrey sandfries are harder to repel than Mavis after she's watched a Tom Jones video.

.....stop the XXXXXXX.

Turbo uses a Scintex fumigator filled with a mixture of liquid cow dung and Lysol. Place it over the shoulder pointing backwards and run. It lays a stream which has the March flies fighting each other for a drink, and they'll leave you alone until they've eaten the whole trail and had a good sleep,, but then they remember who was doing the running and.....

.....stop the XXXXXXX.

 

Turbo uses a Scintex fumigator filled with a mixture of liquid cow dung and Lysol. Place it over the shoulder pointing backwards and run. It lays a stream which has the March flies fighting each other for a drink, and they'll leave you alone until they've eaten the whole trail and had a good sleep,, but then they remember who was doing the running and.....

 

....... this, of course, was redundant advice because all of Turbo's mates and everyone else that ever attended a Fly-In (avref) with him, or whoever worked with him for all those years can remember that pong and hence his name Turboponger.

"You know how smells can be recalled years later because the human olfactory senses are so sensitive?" said bull with a peg on his nose "Well Turbo has been abusing that (and us) for years, as he must have sprayed some under his arms, yet I have patented it as the most effective killer of Cane Toads ever identified. (I'm marketing it under the catchy name of "bULL SIHT", but the Ponger is ......

.........Turbo's mix.

"I often use it at difficult Association Meetings" he said "In the Meeting Notices I sent out I'd have the start time showing as 7:30 pm for the dodgy ones with an agenda, and 8 p.m. for the honest ones. At the 7:30 start the Scintex would be purring under the desk, this time filled with Phenyl and the dodgy ones would all be gone by 7:45. Made making decisions much easier, especia,lly.........

.........Turbo's mix.

 

"I often use it at difficult Association Meetings" he said "In the Meeting Notices I sent out I'd have the start time showing as 7:30 pm for the dodgy ones with an agenda, and 8 p.m. for the honest ones. At the 7:30 start the Scintex would be purring under the desk, this time filled with Phenyl and the dodgy ones would all be gone by 7:45. Made making decisions much easier, especia,lly.........

 

...... as the dodgy ones are all dills."

"I always wondered why those meetings were so short and we could all go early to the pub." said The Skipper, "So now I know that the TurgidPonga thinks that I am a real .........

....True Blue Mate, someone you'd want next to you if there was another Gallipoli, someone who'd shoulder the load of making a decision about who was going to buy the toilet paper, someone who wasn't afraid to read a ten page report before committing the members to a doubling of  annual fees, someone who'd second the tough motions,

someone who'd bring in 10% new members every year......................a genuine Australian, and there are very few.........

....True Blue Mate, someone you'd want next to you if there was another Gallipoli, someone who'd shoulder the load of making a decision about who was going to buy the toilet paper, someone who wasn't afraid to read a ten page report before committing the members to a doubling of  annual fees, someone who'd second the tough motions, someone who'd bring in 10% new members every year......................a genuine Australian, and there are very few .........

 

…….… of those around any more who don't have English as a second language (not that there is anything wrong with that).

However all was not sweetness and light, as is the normal position of the characters within the NES, because the Human Fcutors Szar had been keeping a close eye on all of Turbo's posts in case they can "Get the Bastard" which is the Deep State's standard position, where they have infiltrated CASA, the NTSB, the NDIS, FIFO, ISIS and the AUF (the Szar had not yet caught up with the name change).

"Prepare an indictment, or any other type of dicktment" said the Szar, "As I want Turbo impeached (again) quick stix."

"We'll help" volunteered the wrecks that are the Wreck Flying Moderator Team.

"Now hold your horses (equineref)" said the galant Captain OAM, QC, VD & scar, as I will do this pro-Bono (U2ref) to help my mate Turdboy (reprobateref), who while obviously guilty of something, is a bit of a ………….

………… "Tool??" volunteered bull, trying to be helpful.

"No, no, No No No" said the Cappy, ever defensive of his best (and only) mate "He is actually a bit of a ………...

………… "Tool??" volunteered bull, trying to be helpful.

 

"No, no, No No No" said the Cappy, ever defensive of his best (and only) mate "He is actually a bit of a ………...

 

"....Hero!" said Hiho whose BO was high. "We.......

"....Hero!" said Hiho whose BO was high. "We.......

 

……….… use the same deodorant, me and Tink, as he did me a job lot at mate's rates on one of his Scintex fumigators filled with that mixture of liquid cow dung and Lysol. I might pong like he does but at least it keeps the flies off my …………..

.....shiny......

.....shiny......

 

....... but oversized ........

".... bald pate, of which I'm rightly proud. I don't get referred to regularly as 'Kojak' for nothing. In fact, it's so shiny, Wu Fat had to don welding glasses against the glare - without them, he could see nothing".

"Well, that explains a lot of recent piloting accidents and incidents, then", said Turbopong. "It's obvious the glare was blinding pilots on final, and they either failed to flare properly, or nosedived into the runway, or did a perfect 3 pointer, 15 feet above the runway!".

"I had nothing to do with any of those recent accidents and incidents", said Hi-Ho. "It was more likely the pong putting pilots off their game - you know what it's like, it's the same as hauling dead roos with a load of Indigenes!"

"Well, I don't know about dead roos on board", said Turbopong, "But I can say this much .....

bald pate, of which I'm rightly proud. I don't get referred to regularly as 'Kojak' for nothing. In fact, it's so shiny, Wu Fat had to don welding glasses against the glare - without them, he could see nothing".

 

...... and with that simple statement by the UniRoute, the worldwide riddle of extraterrestrials has been solved.

"Yes" said some UFO Expert "They were all sightings of the reflection off the Turdbropongers shiny melon, as he flew (avref) through the sky (avref) with the sun reflecting of his bonce like light off a disco ball (what we now know is that his crown (casinoref) is not smooth, but has multiple disco ball-like flat sections caused by ......

......his mate OneHit’s missed golf strokes, but he paid him back by....

......his mate OneHit’s missed golf strokes, but he paid him back by....

 

......... stroking his own .........

......dog which was a signal to Bulldozer to attack any person nearby with his two tonne clamping effort jaws. Bulldozer......

......dog which was a signal to Bulldozer to attack any person nearby with his two tonne clamping effort jaws. Bulldozer......

 

....... was a cruel way to take the mickey about our mate from bone.

"Naming your dog after your mate and suggesting he is dozy is a terrible indictment on Turbo and is akin to calling Onesie .......

...........a No Brainer. 

Turbo realised he may have inadvertently offended bull, or Bull as he called himself when responding to the Captain's GAFFE OF THE YEAR, and also realised that by now letters of complaint will have been written, with ccs to the Prime Minister, so he humbly apologises to bull, or Bull for any hurt related to his innocent use of Bull's name for Turbo's Bovinemastiff dog. He thought of renaming him CATR   dozer, but realised that would start another lot of letters as well as TV Ads from the Me Too movement, so hopefully when he calls :"Thunder" for dinner there won't be complaints from meteorologists, although.......

....... as Turbo well knew, while the outrage was profound and the PM came back from his holidays to sort this out, most Aussies and also Queenslanders (under Wally Lewis's secret leadership) delighted in being outraged and took up their electronic quils to ......