DON'T DO THIS!

[Deskpilot]

THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN.

 

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat.

 

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait.

 

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.

 

This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

 

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect ~

 

 

[storchy neil]

that reminds me off the time me mate borrowed some off my linement to rub on legs I told him to wash his hands after using it

 

after rubbing it on his legs he was busting for a piss to bathroom he goes drags out the donga relieves himself and washes his hands

 

to late as the mistake was already working

 

he rang me to asked what will stop it burning

 

don't worry it not that big it wont burn for long he hung up on me:puzzled: :crazy:neil

 

 

[bexrbetter]

I can tell you from personal experience that to a 10 year old with an itchy bum a jar of Vicks and a jar of Vaseline look the same .......

 

Ladies who know always brush their teeth first for the added menthol sensation

 

 

[Guernsey]

You are correct, a jar of Vaseline (starters cream) feels the same when reaching for it in the drawer by the bed in the dark..

 

You will all have to visualise the result. True story.

 

Alan.

 

 

[Bryon]

Toothpaste and KY Gel have the same feel in the dark, but quite different effects...

 

 

[rankamateur]

I don't know about you blokes, anyone would think there is a drought going on out there!

 

 

[Admin]

Naturally with the wife being a Beauty Therapist, I get all the treatments when I feel like it...each month Corrine gives me a facial and I don't mind admitting it but also hair removal in a specific region however, the reason I am saying this is that Corrine uses this new sugar base with honey substance that after 30secs in the microwave turns into a wax type of substance. This stuff has very little pain compared to normal wax.

 

When Corrine was training I went to her school as a model. One month she asked me to model and I said ok but first asked what was the module she was doing, Corrine replied "Makeup"...NO NO NO, I chickened out and said no one was going to put makeup on me but promised, with hand on heart that I would do next month. The next month Corrine came to me and said that I had to be a model as I promised last month so off we go in the car. On the way there I asked her what module she was doing to which she replied "Waxing". So with a straight face I said "yeah, that's not a problem"...Holy Dooly after 10secs I screamed why do woman do this to themselves, as the tears began to stream down my face having Corrine on one side of me and another student on the other ripping my chest hair out in unified motion.

 

The final result that evening was one extremely sun burnt looking guy that had experienced a new threshold of pain:

 

 

 

[bexrbetter]

.Holy Dooly after 10secs I screamed why do woman do this to themselves, as the tears began to stream down my face having Corrine on one side of me and another student on the other ripping my chest hair out in unified motion.The final result that evening what one extremely sun burnt looking guy that had experienced a new threshold of pain:

One of the funniest scenes ever in a movie is Steve Carell getting his chest waxed in "The 40 year old Virgin", would have you in hysterics!

 

Bad language warning in what is generally a clean movie but dead appropriate for the scene!

 

 

[kaz3g]

Whooshes...try a Brazilian for a real experience!

 

Kaz

 

 

[Bikky]

Kaz, tell me about it. I married a Brazilian! Hot as hell in both good and bad ways.

 

 

[rgmwa]

...each month Corrine gives me a facial and I don't mind admitting it but also hair removal in a specific region however, the reason I am saying this is that Corrine uses this new sugar base with honey substance that after 30secs in the microwave turns into a wax type of substance. This stuff has very little pain compared to normal wax.

Wow ... 30 seconds exposure in a microwave?!! Can't imagine how you'd get into one, so I suppose you just front up to it? Pretty drastic beauty treatment though!!

 

rgmwa

 

 

[bexrbetter]

Whooshes...try a Brazilian for a real experience!Kaz

I'm working on it Mate ...

 

 

 

[storchy neil]

bexr yeh agree but make sure health insurance is paid

 

admin should have been goooood give him heeps Corrine