Divine Intervention

[Guest john]

The local Priest was driving his vehicle along a gravel road in the outback in the middle of summer going to a graziers property for a routine welfare visit, when he felt a shimmy from the steering wheel so he pulled to the side of the road , alighted from the vehicle, & observed that the right front tyre was flat. The priest new bugger all how to change a flat tyre, & so all he could do in this isolated area was to sit down under a nearby shady tree & pray for a miracle.

 

About 15 minutes later he noticed a dust trail coming towards him in the distance, & soon after a couple of trail bike riders approached, stopped their bikes & came over to where the priest was seated under the tree & asked him what was wrong with his vehicle.

 

The priest stated that his car had a flat tyre & he was unable to change the tyre with the spare tyre simply because he had never learnt how to attend to this procedure. Jim who was one of the trail bike riders said: "No worries Father we will change it for you & furthermore because I work at the local garage in town , if you drop the flat tyre into work on Monday, I will repair the flat tyre for you at mates rates."

 

The priest was eternally greatful for the bikies assistance , & after they had fitted the spare wheel onto the priests vehicle, let down the jack, & tightenend the wheel nuts, Jim said to the priest that he could now continue on his journey. The priest thanked the bikies again & said to Jim : "Are you sure that the nuts on the wheel are tight?" Jim replied : "There as tight as a nuns nipples, Father". The priest then said to Jim : "In that case you had better give them another nip up then".

 

 

[Gnarly Gnu]

The slang term used in Australia is "dry as a nun's nipple". Not sure what tight means in this context.

 

 

[old man emu]

I think John cleaned it up a bit. I know the analogy as "As tight as a nun's nasty."

 

OME

 

 

[Marty_d]

I think John cleaned it up a bit. I know the analogy as "As tight as a nun's nasty."OME

Ah, now it makes sense! I couldn't work out that bit either.

Mind you I thought it was "As dry as a nun's ....".

 

 

[bexrbetter]

In the convent a group of Nun's were reading away late one evening when the power suddenly went out.

 

One Nun says; "We could use the candles", a couples of the others exclaimed; "Ooooh yessss ...!".

 

 

[Ferris]

Father O'Shannesy was walking home to the monastry from shopping one afternoon, when the local prostitute heckled him and asked if he wanted a quickie. Not sure what she was meaning he hurried home and rushed to mother superior's office, and asked what's a quickie? Fifty bucks same as in town came the reply.

 

 

[pmccarthy]

Two nuns encountered a flasher in the park. One had a stroke. The other wasn't quick enough.

 

 

[Marty_d]

Know why they always travel in pairs?

 

So each nun makes sure the other nun don't get none.

 

 

[Marty_d]

There was an interesting autobiography out a few years ago called "God's callgirl", which was by an Australian ex-nun who unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your point of view) was also a sex addict.

 

Needless to say her religious career didn't do too well, but there were a few descriptions of encounters with other nuns which leads one to think that the "dry as a nun's...." ain't always the case.

 

I don't think it's a spoiler to tell you that she left holy orders to become a prostitute, which suited her a lot better.

 

 

[bexrbetter]

I don't think it's a spoiler to tell you that she left holy orders to become a prostitute,

She still gets to yell "Oh God" either way.

 

Little Johnny asked his Dad why do chickens die on their backs with their legs up in the air? Dad replies that it's so God can pick them up and take them to Heaven easier.

 

The next week Little John rings his Dad at work in a panic "Dad, get home quick, Mum's dying!! She's already on her back with her legs up in the air screaming "Oh God I'm coming and Uncle Dave is struggling to hold her down!!"

 

 

[Bryon]

Two nuns were walking into town when they were accosted and raped

 

After cleaning themselves up, they continued on their way into town

 

One nun turned to the other and said "how are we going to explain to Mother Superior that we were raped twice in the one day"

 

"what do you mean 'raped twice in one day'" the other nun said

 

"Well, we have to come back this way don't we" the first nun said

 

 

[Pearo]

The slang term used in Australia is "dry as a nun's nipple". Not sure what tight means in this context.

Actually, its dry as a nuns nasty, and its from the 12th man (cricket comedy). One of the pakistan(IIRC) players name was '‘Drias Anunsnasti'. 12th man is old now, but its still a classic.