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Fathers Day - Dad Jokes


FlyBoy1960

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My grandfather’s favourite...When police questioned the locksmith as to why he was at the premises at the time of the raid....”I was making a bolt for the door”.

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The farmer that won an award for being out standing in his field.....

The way I heard that was that the farmer was waiting for his knighthood. Same dif I guess.

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Literally every time we drive past a cemetery.... My 13yo and I have this exact same conversation... Look the dead centre of town... I know people are just dying to get in there... Hey did you know if you live in this town you can’t be buried there... Cemeteries really are the most popular place around because eventually EVERYONE ends up going to one...... We have been like this for about 5 years now!

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Literally every time we drive past a cemetery.... My 13yo and I have this exact same conversation... Look the dead centre of town... I know people are just dying to get in there... Hey did you know if you live in this town you can’t be buried there... Cemeteries really are the most popular place around because eventually EVERYONE ends up going to one...... We have been like this for about 5 years now!

We has a German exchange student for a while. He arrived with no sense of humour and left with a better understanding.

When we drove past the abattoir setting ponds when the wind was of a certain direction, I would take a bit of a sniff, turn up my nose, look at him accusingly and say "Was that you?". After few months he started getting in first.

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We used to tell visiting Marines the usual Drop Bear and Hoop snake jokes. They were on to us when we started on the mountain cattle. They have two legs longer than the other 2 so they can graze on the side of steep hills. But you have to be careful there are left handed and right handed ones and you can’t grazre left handed cattle on right handed hills or the long legs would be up hill and they would fall over. You also couldn’t breed a left and right together. Because you may get a calf with long front legs and short back legs and they won’t be able to reach the ground to eat....

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Sergeant: "Why weren't you at camouflage training, Private?"

Private: "I was there Sergeant."

Sergeant: "I didn't see you there."

Private: "I thought that was the idea,Sir."

Edited by red750
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