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1) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!"

 

2) Buy a donut and complain that there's a hole in it.

 

3) Call someone to tell them you can't talk right now.

 

4) Point at someone and shout "You're one of them!" Run and pretend to trip. Crawl away slowly.

 

5) When someone asks you if you know what time it is, say yes and walk away.

 

6) Put up a "Lost Dog" poster with a picture of a cat on it.

 

7) Bring a desk on an elevator. When people try to get on ask if they have an appointment.

 

8) In a public toilet, pass a note under the door next to you saying, "They're onto us. We need to go."

 

9) Find a grumpy person. Give them a Snickers and say, "You're not you when you're hungry!" Walk away.

 

10) Order a pizza 5 minutes before New Years, and when it comes, yell, "I ORDERED THIS THING A YEAR AGO!

 

11) In an elevator with a lot of people say I bet you are wondering why I have gathered you here today.

 

12) Go to a pet shop, point at an employee, and shout "I WANT THAT ONE MOMMY!!!"

 

13) Put Mayonnaise in a bowl, freeze it, and tell your friend it's ice cream.

 

14) Go to an electronic store with a banana and say that you want to upgrade to an apple.

 

15) Call Pizza Hut and ask for the phone number to Domino's.

 

16) Go to a public bathroom with chocolate on your hands. reach under stall & ask for toilet paper.

 

17) When someone says, "grab a seat" literally grab a chair and walk out of the room.

 

18) Make a cardboard car and go through a local drive through, then act as if everything's normal.

 

19) When someone says "Have a nice day!" stare at them and say, "Don't tell me what to do!"

 

20) Inhale some helium, walk up behind a little kid, and say "Follow the yellow brick road!".

 

 

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Go to a tall building and look up pointing and shouting " NOOOOO. DONT DO IT . Don't jump. "Wait untill a crowd gathers then slighly walk away

At the risk of being called a party pooper, I can't elicit a laugh at the above. At a time when we are about to have a focus on mental health, I can see little benefit from attempted jokes like this when self inflicted harm impacts so severely on our society.

 

As a vollie Ambulance Officer in the bush I have attended both attempted, and completed suicides, and they are not something I would have knowingly put on life's agenda, nor found in the slightest bit funny.

 

flyerme, give us a joke that we can all laugh to loudly, yet be respectful of all elements of society, and I will be the first to applaud you.

 

 

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At the risk of being called a party pooper, I can't elicit a laugh at the above. At a time when we are about to have a focus on mental health, I can see little benefit from attempted jokes like this when self inflicted harm impacts so severely on our society.As a vollie Ambulance Officer in the bush I have attended both attempted, and completed suicides, and they are not something I would have knowingly put on life's agenda, nor found in the slightest bit funny.

 

flyerme, give us a joke that we can all laugh to loudly, yet be respectful of all elements of society, and I will be the first to applaud you.

Nareman

 

I reckon you've been working too hard. I seriously doubt that flyerme's 'off the cuff' entry will serve to hasten any poor individual's decison to pull the chain on themselves. Accept it as it was tendered - a bit of light-heartedness (and also accept our thanks for the tough job that you do on a volunteer basis). There aren't specific answers to all questions in this life. cheers Riley

 

 

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At the risk of being called a party pooper, I can't elicit a laugh at the above. At a time when we are about to have a focus on mental health, I can see little benefit from attempted jokes like this when self inflicted harm impacts so severely on our society.As a vollie Ambulance Officer in the bush I have attended both attempted, and completed suicides, and they are not something I would have knowingly put on life's agenda, nor found in the slightest bit funny.

 

flyerme, give us a joke that we can all laugh to loudly, yet be respectful of all elements of society, and I will be the first to applaud you.

Suicide? Never entered my mind ,I was thinking more along the lines of a man in a winged suite / cape ,but after a re read I can see how it may be interpreted ,sorry

 

 

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20) Climb a tree by a sidewalk and talk to people walking by...make sure they can't see you.

 

21) Walk up to a random person and say, "Wow! You've changed, I still have your picture from five years ago." And hold up a picture of potato.

 

22) Make a cardboard car and go through a local drive through, then act as if everything's normal.

 

23) Hide in a clothing rack in Walmart, and when somebody goes by yell "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

 

24) Get in a crowded elevator and say "I'm sure you're wondering why I've gathered you all here.".

 

25) Stay in the back of an elevator until a few people enter and say "I've Been Expecting You".

 

26) Call Pizza Hut. Talk about the difficulties of being a vegetarian, then order a pepperoni pizza.

 

27) -Show people a picture of yourself and ask them if they have seen this person.

 

28) In an elevator with many people in it, say "You may be wondering why I've gathered you here today".

 

29) Go to a football game and hold up a sign that says "The guy behind me can't see.".

 

30) Drive a tricycle past a cop while drinking a juice pouch screaming "YOU CAN'T CATCH ME".

 

31) When your at school and someone talks on the p.a. system say loudly, "I'm hearing those voices again".

 

32) Super glue a quarter to the floor and see how many people try to pick it up.

 

33) Dress up as a giant m&m and run through a busy place shouting "THE SKITTLES ARE COMING!!".

 

34) Hire a taxi. When the man asks you where you want to go, say "To infinity, and beyond".

 

35) Dress as a chicken, go to KFC and shout at people "YOU'RE EATING MY BABIES!!!

 

36) Pick up a bag of sliced turkey in a store and scream WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU!!!!!

 

37) Make loud groans in a public bathroom then drop a cantaloupe in the toilet and sigh in relief.

 

38) Tape a walkie-talkie to a tree or a lampost and as people walk by say some random innuendos.

 

39) Go to McDonald's and ask for a sad meal, then yell SAD PEOPLE HAVE TO EAT TOO!!

 

40) Call the Skittles Company and complain that Skittles do NOT taste like a rainbow.

 

 

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Suicide? Never entered my mind ,I was thinking more along the lines of a man in a winged suite / cape ,but after a re read I can see how it may be interpreted ,sorry

Good response flyerme. Appreciated.

 

Riley, you may be right. Three callouts for the weekend, plus a morning providing ambulance cover for a Polo X comp. But I would never consider living anywhere but in a small country community.

 

 

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NaremanI reckon you've been working too hard. I seriously doubt that flyerme's 'off the cuff' entry will serve to hasten any poor individual's decison to pull the chain on themselves. Accept it as it was tendered - a bit of light-heartedness (and also accept our thanks for the tough job that you do on a volunteer basis). There aren't specific answers to all questions in this life. cheers Riley

It's different when you've been close to it and seen the triggers, which can be very slight, with horrific consequences, same with spider jokes - if there's a phobia, you're doing harm.

 

 

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At the risk of being called a party pooper, I can't elicit a laugh at the above. At a time when we are about to have a focus on mental health, I can see little benefit from attempted jokes like this when self inflicted harm impacts so severely on our society.

My Daughter is a mental health care worker, she's on the Queensland MH Ethics board and often gets called out to suicidal clients who are occasionally successful.

 

We talk 3 or 4 times a week and piss ourselves laughing over some of the events, it's her medicine.

 

Couple of weeks back she took a group of 15 mentally retarded adults to a pub to play darts, I haven't been able to stop laughing at the mental image of that! 006_laugh.gif.0f7b82c13a0ec29502c5fb56c616f069.gif

 

But that's me.

 

 

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All useful stuff you can discuss with your DAME when you go for a medical check.

If you can get an appointment within 6 months and make sure your health insurance is paid up because you won't be able to afford the $4,800 otherwise

 

 

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Nearly every joke makes fun of something that someone will find offensive, maybe hair colour, race, sex, town etc. I find baby jokes downright distasteful but plenty of people find them funny even if it is in a groan sort of way. I think that is the beauty of living in Australia, we can make jokes against government or jokes in bad taste or morally wrong jokes and not get killed for it.

 

I think it is important to take a joke as a joke and if we do find it offensive I think Naremman worded his dislike well, in a way that wasn't offensive but explained his view and reasons nicely. Too often when we dislike a joke or post we crucify the poster well out of proportion to their intended meaning.

 

Wow that would have to be my most mature post ever:happy:

 

 

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I'll tell them my wife is a party member and get quick access.

Speaking of mental health ....

 

Which of the 7 Parties is she a member of Gnu? You probably think there's only one don't you and once again your own ignorance is self defeating.

 

Actually she resigned her membership of a Party she was a member of a couple of years back, and it wasn't the CPC nor was it the People's Front of Judeah. Of course they shot her for treason after she resigned because that's the way it happens here right?

 

 

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41) Glue coins to the ground and laugh as people try to pick them up.

 

42) Write "Free Gumballs" on a piece of paper, and tape it to a gumball machine, and watch.

 

43) In winter put snowballs in your freezer, then in summer throw them at people who are sunbathing.

 

44) Yell out "hey you with the pants on!" and see how many people turn around.

 

45) Go to Ikea, hide in a closet until someone walks by, jump out and yell "I'm back from Narnia!!".

 

46) Point into the sky and say "look a dead bird" and see how many look.

 

47) Write a note saying "sorry about the damage on your car" and put it on a random car.

 

48) Go to the vet with a can of mashed tuna and ask can you fix him?

 

49) Go to a pet shop and ask for a cow.

 

50) Get into a taxi, yell "Follow that car!" and point to a parked car.

 

51) Fill a bucket with bouncy balls and dump them down a stair well with people in it and yell, MY BALLS.

 

52) Pretend to pass out in a busy place. When someone touches you scream "I WAS SLEEPING!" and run away.

 

53) Go into the middle of a crowd and call out a random name and see who replies.

 

54) Wear a snorkel while driving and stare at the people sitting next to you at traffic lights.

 

55) Hide in a wardrobe in a furniture store and when someone opens the door shout, "welcome to Narnia".

 

56) Complain that your doughnut has a hole in it.

 

57) Go up to random people at the mall, show them your ID, and say, "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?!"

 

58) Dress up as an m&m then run through the mall yelling " the skittles are coming!".

 

59) Super glue a coin to the sidewalk and when someone bends down to pick it up rip some paper.

 

60) Buy an ice cream, ask the cashier if they believe in unicorns then squish the cone on your forehead.

 

 

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61) Get in a taxi and tell them to "FOLLOW THAT CAR!"and point to a parked car.

 

62) Call pizza hut, and say: Hello this is Pizza Hut, would you like to order a pizza.

 

63) Put a Dora Doll on the floor in Wal Mart. When someone picks it up yell 'Swiper No Swiping'!

 

64) Enter a dressing room at the mall. A few minutes later, scream "THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!".

 

65) Chase the ice cream truck until it stops for you. Then walk away.

 

66) Order a pizza 5 minutes before new years, when they arrive say, "I order this damn thing a year ago!

 

67) Vacuum the lawn. When people walk or drive by, you get the best looks.

 

68) Cut open a pineapples and scream "sponge bob I know your in there".

 

69) Take a picture of a stranger then walk up and show it to them saying "Have you seen this man?"

 

70) Tie a balloon to your back and run and scream 'Its chasing me!!! :O'

 

71) Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look them in the eyes and deadpan 'with great power, comes great responsibility.' Walk away.

 

72) Go to a pet store and buy bird seeds & ask how long it takes for the birds to grow.

 

73) Put up a lost cat sign that has a picture of a potato.

 

74) Take one grape to the check out. Say nothing. See how the cashier reacts.

 

75) Go to Walmart and get a grape and put it on the conveyor belt at the check out and try to buy it.

 

76) Walk up to a group of people and say "I'm not wearing pants" and see how many people look.

 

77) Walk up to some random person and whisper, "I know what you did. But your secrets safe with me.".

 

78) Put a sticky note on people's cars saying "sorry for the damage" then watch them look for it

 

79) Have a contest at Walmart to see who can find 3 items that will freak the cashier out the most!

 

80) Put a walkie talkie behind a soft toy in a store and yell at people when they walk past it.

 

 

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81) Go to KFC in a chicken costume and demand for your babies back.

 

82) Go in front of a jogger, run in front of them and scream "STOP CHASING ME".

 

83) Go watch a horror movie in the theaters and scream at the parts that aren't the least bit scary.

 

84) Place a walkie talkie in your mail box then when someone walks by scream.

 

85) Go to Walmart and hide in the freezers and just stare at people when they pass.

 

86) Mail a doughnut to the police officers .

 

87) Call a Chinese restaurant on 1 phone and a pizza place on another phone.let them talk to each other.

 

88) Buy a T.V and remote as same as your neighbors and go outside changing the channels.

 

89) Put your wet hands on someone face and yell "I DROPPED MY QUARTER IN THE TOILET, BUT I GOT IT BACK!"

 

90) Put a cookie into a glass of milk in public, when it sinks scream, "MY COOKIE DROWNED!" and then cry.

 

91) Go to an apple store with a banana and ask if you can upgrade to an apple ??.

 

92) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, "I Won! I Won!!"

 

93) Glue a coin to the ground in a public place. watch people try to get it.

 

94) Hide in one of your cupboards and when someone opens it shout, "Welcome to Narnia!"

 

95) Name your dog naked so you can tell your friends, "I'm gonna walk naked down the street!"

 

96) Go to an Italian restaurant dressed up as Mario. See what happens.

 

97) Congratulate everyone coming out of the bathroom stall.

 

98) Go to a stranger at Walmart and start screaming while pointing "I CANT BELIEVE YOU ESCAPED JAIL!!"

 

99) After the pizza guy repeats your order, say "Once more, this time with a little more OOMPH.".

 

100) When you're in a crowded public place, yell out, "MARCO!" and see if anyone yells back, " POLO!"

 

 

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