Jump to content

Tape Measure ? ? ? ? ?


Phil Perry
 Share

Recommended Posts

So there I was. . . . . measuring this field to see if it qualified for a BMAA defined "Runway" . . . .I called out the measurements to my mate,. . . .ie, Nana Arimaska. . .gozaimas. . . .doh. . .itashemashteh. . . .when he says . . ."OI,, Ang on a minute,. . . . what kind of dimensions are those > > > ? ? ? ? I said,. . ."Ahh sorry mate,. . . .it's one of them cheap Japanese tape measures. . . . . . ."

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Some really Useful facts. . . . . .

 

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would

 

have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of

 

coffee.

 

Thank God for microwaves!!

 

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is

 

produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

 

The same amount is produced daily in parliament!

 

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out

 

to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

 

(O.M.G.!)

 

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

 

Please God let reincarnation be real!!!! :-)

 

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to

 

death.(Creepy.)

 

(I'm still not over

 

the pig.)

 

Banging your headagainst a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

 

So that's why people on high salaries are skinny!!!

 

Themale praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is

 

attached to its body. The female initiates sex by

 

ripping the male's head off.

 

(Honey, I'm home .What the...?)

 

The

 

flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a

 

human jumping the length of a football field.

 

(30minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

 

Thecatfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

 

(Whatcould be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

 

Somelions mate over 50 times a day.

 

(Istill want to be a pig in my next life...quality over

 

quantity.)

 

Butterflies tastewith their feet.

 

(SomethingI always wanted to know.)

 

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed

 

people.

 

(If you'reambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

 

Elephantsare the only animals that cannot jump.

 

(Okay,so that would be a good thing, right?.) A cat's urine glows under a black light.

 

(I wonder how muchthe government paid to figure that out.)

 

Anostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

 

(I know some peoplelike that.)

 

Starfish have nobrains.

 

(Iknow some people like that, too.)

 

Polar bears are left-handed.

 

(If they switch,they'll live a lot longer.)

 

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for

 

pleasure.

 

(What about that

 

pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)

 

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's

 

your turn to spread these

 

crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring

 

a smile to, maybe even a chuckle.

 

In other words, send

 

it to everyone!

 

(andGod, don't forget..I wanna be a pig next time round!!!!)

 

 

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest GraemeM
Some really Useful facts. . . . . .(andGod, don't forget..I wanna be a pig next time round!!!!)

I remember something about pigs and squealing in that movie with Burt Reynolds and banjo music?

 

Graeme.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So there I was. . . . . measuring this field to see if it qualified for a BMAA defined "Runway" . . . .I called out the measurements to my mate,. . . .ie, Nana Arimaska. . .gozaimas. . . .doh. . .itashemashteh. . . .when he says . . ."OI,, Ang on a minute,. . . . what kind of dimensions are those > > > ? ? ? ? I said,. . ."Ahh sorry mate,. . . .it's one of them cheap Japanese tape measures. . . . . . ."

Stuff it Phil,

 

After what you said, I took my new tape back to Bunnings.

 

The dark skinned salesman said "Vud, Vud, Vud, it was only then that I realised mine was made in India.

 

I felt such an idiot

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...