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Husband & wife were discussing death. Husband told wife," ya know death isn't final, you can come back reincarnated as something different". Wife says "really, I would love to come back as a cow". Hubby says........................."You weren't listening were you!!"..

 

 

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I suggested to the wife about re-enacting the weekend when our first child was conceived. She said, "That would be great, I haven't been to see my sick out of town friend for ages."

 

 

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A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a

 

note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

 

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He

 

thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.

 

So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

 

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note

 

asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.

 

Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

 

The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up

 

with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

 

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

 

The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs. I can splash it on my eyes."

 

Boom Boom!

 

 

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A lawyer was walking down the street with his wife, when a stunning blonde called out to him from the other side of the street, and she waved, and blew him a kiss.

 

Furrowing her brow and speaking through gritted teeth, the lawyers wife hissed, "How do you know her?"

 

The lawyer answered - "Oh, I only just met her recently. Professionally, of course".

 

The wife snarled, "Whose profession?? Yours, or hers??" ...

 

 

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Family friendly joke, read between the lines ...

 

A man had a bit of a problem downstairs and made an appointment at the appropriate specialist hospital.

 

After arriving for his appointment and being led down a corridor by a Matron, he noticed one man alone in a room holding a gentlemen's magazine and being very active with his hand. He inquired with the Matron as to what that was about? Oh, he is here as he has a 'pressure problem' which currently needs to be relieved 4 or 5 times a day or some nasty consequences will arise.

 

Walking a bit further, they walked past another room and there was a man in a similar situation, however in this case an attractive nurse was 'assisting' him.

 

Again he enquired with the Matron as to what that was about? Matron replies that he also had a 'similar pressure' issue. Ahh, said the man, but why the nurse to assist?

 

Matron replies: Better Health Insurance.

 

 

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**How tough are Australians ? **

 

The scene is set

 

- a dark night, cold wind blowing, campfire flickering,

 

stars twinkling in the dark sky.

 

Three hang-glider pilots are sitting by the campfire,

 

one from Australia , one from Seth Efrika and one from New Zulland.

 

Each embroiled in the bravado for which they are famous.

 

*

 

**The night of tales begins... **

 

*

 

Kiven the Kiwi says , 'I must be the meanest, toughest, heng glider

 

there es. Why, jist the other day I linded in a field and scared a

 

crocodeale, who came out of the swamp and ate sux min who were standen

 

close by. I grebbed the crocodeale and wristled him to du ground and

 

killed em with my beer hends'.

 

Hansie from Seth Efrika who typically can't stand to be bettered said,

 

'Well you guys, I lended orfter a 200 mile flight in my heng glider on a

 

tiny trail, and a Namibian snike slid out from under a rock and made a

 

move on me. I grebbed de borsted with me bare hinds and beet it's head

 

off ind then sucked the poison from it's body down in one gulp. End I'm

 

still here today'

 

Colin the Australian remained silent, slowly poking the fire with his penis

 

__________________

 

 

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