Who needs excuses

[Butch]

Who needs excuses

 

SMART ARSE ANSWER 4It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

 

"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.

 

"What are my choices?" the man asked.

 

"Yes or no," she replied.

 

SMART ARSE ANSWER 3A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at a Woolworths store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

 

She asked a passing assistant, "Do these chickens get any bigger?"

 

The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."

 

SMART ARSE ANSWER 2The policeman got out of his car and the teenager he stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

 

"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

 

The kid replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could."

 

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

 

SMART ARSE ANSWER OF THE YEAR

 

A teacher at a West Australian High School reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.

 

"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

 

A smart-arsed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

 

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

 

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,

 

"Well, I would expect you to do the exam with your other hand."

 

 

[Marty_d]

That reminds me of one of Rik Mayall's lines in a movie... he's serving breakfast to a lady in a hotel.

 

She says "Where do your eggs come from?"

 

Totally deadpan, he says "Hen's vaginas, madam!"