The Never Ending Story

[Admin]

"I'm trying to find Captains pen of his auntie, I've heard that the Riverland girl may have taken it and might be trying to pass it on to you.

But, while I am here I will help you to stop all your chooks turning into emus and...

[Guest palexxxx]

But, while I am here I will help you to stop all your chooks turning into emus and...

"leave me bloody emu's alone Ian!!" exclaimed CordonBleuPete, "Do you realize how many servings of omelette I can dish up with a dozen of their eggs? Hundreds mate, bloody hundreds. I reckon, next fly-in I'll save a fortune in catering for the breakfasts with these beauties in me backyard. Speaking of fly-in, it hasn't rained here in ages, I might have to set a date in the very near future."

 

 

[Captain]

"Strange" thought grimacingPete, "that noise sounds like a Rotax but somehow it's different. I wonder why."

"Geee gastricPete sounds terribly crook" thought shewhopaysthefuelbillsmrsPete. "Even worse than usual, because that is why we built him that thunderbox right up there in the back yard, and that is why me and the nippers took out all that surance"

 

"Oh" she said "It is OK, it is only a Rotax".

 

"I thought trumpeterPete might have dropped a big-end"

 

(And shewhotreatshisillsmrsPete was also glad it was just the porcelain that Pete was pounding).

 

Regards

 

Le Crapppee

 

The rotax of my austrian aunt is running a bit rough in the garden

 

 

[BigPete]

GynoPete :confused: is considering a career change and would like to be a Proctologist. :ah_oh: "Most of my forum mates are such a bunch of 's, I might as well specialize in them", he confided to the only friend that hadn't abused him (GuessWho'sMum'sGotAWhirlpoolCleanSkinJabiruGeoff) :heart:

 

I think I'll go and visit the GoodFriarPuk and help him mind the flock :thumb_up: for a while, up in the mountains said TheSoundOfMusicPete to himself, just for a little while......

 

(I hear it's not that far from Rootax land, I might be able to help them with the rough running...)

 

regards

 

:big_grin::big_grin:

 

 

[Captain]

GynoPete :confused: is considering a career change ........... and help him mind the flock :thumb_up: for a while, up in the mountains said TheSoundOfMusicPete ......

(I hear it's not that far from Rootax land, I might be able to help them with the rough running...)

 

And rubberglovesPete's change of career has brought the NES almost full circle to post #189, with the Von Trapp kiddies waiting for him at the airport and that Julie Andrews sheila being mistaken by some idiot correspondant (that would be me) for Julie Anthony and Mary Poppins.

 

And Le Crappee being transmigrated into a Hauptman (again).

 

Auswedersehn

 

We haff ways of making you fix the pen that ist in ze garden

 

 

[planedriver]

And so it was, that SoundofmusicPete headed of for what he thought would be a very well earned break.

 

But alas things were not as he'd expected:angry:

 

He found himself being allocated the night shift in the monastry laundry.

 

"But Friarpuk" said disapointedPete, "I thought you said I could watch your flock by night, not wash bloody socks by nightthumb_down:censored:

 

Le CrossdressingCrappee went to his closet and took out a bright floral dress and a short wig, to make himself look like Julie Andrews with hairy legs, in the hopes that he could rescue our mate TootrustingPete.

 

 

[Guest palexxxx]

Le CrossdressingCrappee went to his closet and took out a bright floral dress and a short wig, to make himself look like Julie Andrews with hairy legs, in the hopes that he could rescue our mate TootrustingPete.

"yodel-ay-eee

 

yodel-ay-eee

 

yodel-ay-eee groan" sang the Captain, "Haven't we done this before. Now where is BloodyIKeepGettingCapturedPete this time?"

 

"Fair dinkum, if he keeps getting caught and having to be rescued all the time we might just have to sacrifice him as a bad risk."

 

 

[planedriver]

" "Fair dinkum, if he keeps getting caught and having to be rescued all the time we might just have to sacrifice him as a bad risk."

Your dead right there Paley, maybe we'll have to offer him up finally as SacraficialPete.

 

He seems to revel being in this sort of situation.

 

The bugger keeps going back for more, just like those kinky blokes that go to "The House of Dominance".:yuk:

 

Thats one place you don't want to go to twice, as that Madam with the long boots, mask and whip really hurts you, and charges more than I can afford:laugh:.

 

Kind Regards

 

Paindriver:angry:

 

 

[planedriver]

Saturday 25th October 2008 (early edition)

 

The Oaks & Bendigo Chronical.

 

Breaking News.

 

Missing Flier Found Wandering

 

By Chronical reporter Ivor Jabbytoo.

 

The popular missing Victorian flier BigPete has this morning been found fit and well, albeit wandering in an intoxicated state.:yuk::yuk::yuk:

 

It had been feared that he had been held against his will at a nearby monastry and made to carry out laundry chores gainst his will.

 

MrPete is very well known for getting himself into tight situations, and earlier this year had to be rescued along after fleeing with the Von Trapp family singers.

 

On this occasion, he had gone to visit FriarPuk for a few days to assist with looking after his sheep, but wound up washing socks by night instead.

 

It would appear that last night he’d been allocated duties watching over the sheep while seated around a campfire with other drunken shepherds.

 

The Friar is well known in the local community for his rather potent home-brew, of which more than generous allocation are issued, to keep out the cold night air.

 

During his ordeal, he’d had his wristwatch stolen and lost all track of time.

 

However, as the night wore on and every one started to fall asleep, hearing the Captains distant calls yodel-ay-eee yodel-ay-eee yodel-ay-eee groan" Now where is BloodyIKeepGettingCapturedPete this time?" he made his escape and wandered off into the darkness.

 

Just as dawn was breaking, he was spotted by PC Plodd, who was making his way to be first in the que when Macca’s opened.

 

The well intoxicated flier was seen to be unsteady on his feet before falling over again.

 

When assistance arrived he was singing “While shepherds flogged my watch at night, while seated on the ground.

 

An angel of the force came down and picked me off the ground”.:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

 

It is good to know that he is expected to make a full recovery after a few strong coffee’s and a bit of sleep, before making a full report on the forums.

 

 

[Captain]

The popular missing Victorian flier BigPete - Who says and what proof do you have?

 

 

 

has this morning been found fit and well - Who says and what proof do you have? From the photo in the Chewka Daily which appeared in these forums, neither appear to be correct descriptions

 

MrPete is very well known for getting himself into tight situations - He is a bit prone, however that is not a correct description of the Riverland Lass

 

 

 

after fleeing with the Von Trapp family singers - He was almost von trapped on that occasion.

 

On this occasion, he had gone to visit FriarPuk for a few days to assist with looking after his sheep, but wound up washing socks by night instead. It would appear that last night he’d been allocated duties watching over the sheep while seated around a campfire with other drunken shepherds. The Friar is well known in the local community for his rather potent home-brew, of which more than generous allocation are issued, to keep out the cold night air. - I expect Pukky to issue legal proceedings if you go ahead with this as part of your article

 

During his ordeal, he’d had his wristwatch stolen and lost all track of time. - It is well known that Pete has trouble knowing what day it is, let alone what the big hand and little pointy hand are saying.

 

However, as the night wore on and every one started to fall asleep, hearing the Captains distant calls yodel-ay-eee yodel-ay-eee yodel-ay-eee groan" Now where is BloodyIKeepGettingCapturedPete this time?" he made his escape and wandered off into the darkness. - That is why the nursing home have issued him with the ankle bracelet (and tell him that it is a J160 to keep him happy {and pacified}).

 

Just as dawn was breaking, he was spotted by PC Plodd, who was making his way to be first in the que when Macca’s opened. - More legal action expected from Victoria's finest, or they'll shoot ya.

 

The well intoxicated flier was seen to be unsteady on his feet before falling over again.

 

When assistance arrived he was singing “While shepherds flogged my watch at night, while seated on the ground. An angel of the force came down and picked me off the groundâ€.:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

 

It is good to know that he is expected to make a full recovery after a few strong coffee’s and a bit of sleep, before making a full report on the forums.- Can't wait for that one.

 

Planey.

 

The above was sent to me by the Managing Director of the Oaks and Bendigo Chronicle and is a true copy of the Editor's comments after this article was filed.

 

Due to the obvious questions that this raises, do you wish to consider your legal position after filing a copy on these forums?

 

Kind regards

 

Barrister Le Crap (a tortology, perhaps?)

 

The reporter's pen is in my aunt's back hallway.

 

 

[storchy neil]

:help:storchy neil want to know if there are any regs about putting a harness :confused::confused: on the computor chair to hold him in when laughing:laugh::laugh:and at this story and can them there releif bags hold the tears would he need full harnes :thumb_up: or would lap sash do :wasnt me:neil

 

 

[planedriver]

Dear (as in bloody expensive) Barrister Le UsualripoffCrap.

 

The claims in your most obviously "doctored" post No. 511 regarding MrPete, are undoubtedly fraudulent and are of very grave concern to those directly involved, and will be subject to ongoing litigation.

 

Being such an honest man of very humble means, I do not allow your inferred threats to pressure me in any way, as there is not much that can taken away.

 

Without any money being available, those in your claimed profession quickly loose interest.

 

Further your fraudlent past claims :angry:to being a Captain :question:have been noted by many, who may be called to give evidence at a date to be advised.

 

As you should be well aware, your claimed title is spelt incorrectly and could be interpretted as a means to pervert the course of justice. Your correct title is "Barista", not Barrister, as your colleages at Gloria Jeans can attest.:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

 

Notice of the preliminary hearing has just come through,and is to be heard at 10am sharp on Monday morning at the District Court.

 

Please bring with you 2 short blacks with 7 sugars, 4 cuppachino's and one flat white for my legal team.:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:

 

P.S. Do not vent your anger, by spitting in the cups:cool: as we have special authorisation to use the Crowns spitometer.

 

See Yer Monday

 

Planey

 

 

[BigPete]

Dear PlainVanillaJabbyJuicerGeoff, i_dunno I fear there are many strange things happening in the NES. :yuk: The FriarPuk :thumb_up: has been acting very strangely of late. He has taken to washing his smalls in the communial wine late at night while singimg what could only be descibed as fractured xmas carols. :confused: His somewhat ribald rendition of "Oh Christmas Tree" is particulary disturbing. :yuk: With the first two lines being:

 

"I'll tan your balls,

 

I'll tan your balls..." :black_eye:

 

from here on in it gets worse and worse, too ugly to post here.

 

Meanwhile Le Crappy Captian :heart: is trying to catch up to me as the alias king by reinventing himself almost on a daily basis. His latest guise as I'llSueYourNutsOffSoHelpMeSolicitorCrappyCaptain :devil: is extremely terrifying, not to mention the long black robe and bleached wig he has taken to wearing. So far he has threatened the local free press and managed to put off the local law inforcemnt all in one foul swoop. thumb_down If I can find that bloody pen he lost in his Aunt's garden, I'll shove it where the sun don't shine and he'll be able to sign his name whenever he sits down.

 

Planey has raised some very good points about the Captains validity and it remains to see what crafty diversion Le Crappy :heart: will fabricate to distract us from the real truth. Poor old Paley seems to come and go somewhat infrequently and is paranoid about BigPete being taken away by villians unknown at this stage. :ah_oh:

 

Starchy Nell :black_eye: has paid us a brief visit and is having trouble sitting in his chair without some form of restraint. :ah_oh: He is either sampling too much of the GoodFriarPuks sacrementle wine :raise_eyebrow: or still suffering the effects of electrifying short landings with his arrester hooked, double insulated Storch.

 

I hope this letter finds you in good health. I'm sending you 12 pairs of freshly washed socks, no don't ask, I'll explain later.

 

regards

 

AllWashedOutPete.

 

:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:

 

 

[Guest Geoff1563861416]

Dear AllWashedOutPete. there are certainly many strange things happening in the NES.

 

Iam with storchy neil and want to know if there are any regs about putting a harness on the computor chair to hold me in when laughing at this story.Pete is either sampling too much of the of my grape juice or suing yournnutsoffsohelpmesolicitorcrappyCatain or sending 12 pairs of freshly washed socks to the GoodFriarPuks

 

So when do you fit in some time to go for a burn in the Jabarew

 

 

[planedriver]

Dear Mr AllWashedOutPete,

 

Thank you for your prompt reply showing unquestional wisdom.

 

It is sad in a way that I have to bid you farewell :wave:for a week, while I partake of a short break.

 

While away, my laptop unit which is a :heart:37-25-36 :heart::hug:model, is unable to receive progress reports from the NES, and I too, hopefully, will be suitably distracted while playing my snake charmers flute which I got on prescription.;););)

 

Whatever excuses are given by CaptainBaristerBarrister, please just return any communications to sender, as they are sure to also contain an exhorbitant bill:yuk::yuk::yuk: of immense magnitude.

 

Take care guys, and have fun:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:, Oh, and you be kind to one another!

 

Regards

 

Planey:wave:

 

 

[Captain]

While away, my laptop unit which is a :heart:37-25-36 :heart::hug:model, is unable to receive progress reports from the NES, and I too, hopefully, will be suitably distracted while playing my snake charmers flute which I got on prescription.;););)

Use extreme care with that stuff, Planey.

 

I know a bloke who took 2 of those snake charmer tablets because he had 2 ladies coming around to visit him. He ended up with both wrists in plaster after the girls didn't turn up.

 

As a highly credentialed Barista (good one Planey, wish I had thought of that), with considerable time in the Supreme court in MacQuarie St, and someone who has on rare occasions been called a w#nka myself, I can assist you with a coffee if you choose to sue either the snake or the charmer.

 

I am also pleased to report that Starchy Nell gave me a call yesterday morning and he doesn't sound like too bad a bloke, for a Starchy. Let me or Pete or Geoff know when you are ready to upgrade and we'll give you a reference that will get you through the boomgate in Bundy.

 

Obregard

 

Barista Vittoria Le Crappee

 

The coffee beans of my aunt are in the spresso machine

 

 

[Captain]

N.E.S. BREAKING NEWS

 

Planey buggers off for a week of debauchery and the N.E.S. grinds to a halt (a bit like Planey).

 

AllwashedOutPete is nowhere to be seen.

 

Julie Andrews is compromised and the von Trapp nippers are in danger.

 

From whence will any help come?

 

 

[hihosland]

"From whence will any help come?"

 

From the pen of the aunt in the garden perhaps

 

 

[Captain]

Well said Hiho.

 

But your faithful Barista is a suspicious salacious solicitous salty seadog, and poses the following innocent question:

 

If Planey, through his own admission, goes away for a week to play snake charmers with his 37-25-36 "friend", and UptonogoodPete just happens to go off the air at the same time, then 12 good men and true could, I contend, only arrive at the following possible logical conclusions:

 

1 Planey is BigPete.

 

2 BigPete is 37-25-36 and is actually goodlookaPeta.

 

3 Planey has been bitten by the snake and and paramedicPete is sucking the poison out.

 

4 ParamedicPete may actually be ParalyticPete and morallyendangeredPete.

 

5 Planey can't remember where he put the tablets.

 

6 It is all a massive missunderstanding.

 

7 Planey did remember where he put the tablets and it is massive.

 

8 Planeys 37-25-36 may become 39-58-41 in about July '09.

 

9 This is all a huge coincidence and falselyaccusedPete is actually innocentPete.

 

10 Planey may not survive the entire episode, and they'll never be able to close the coffin lid.

 

After all, what other conclusions could there be? ..............................

 

Regards

 

Le Crap

 

Planey's pencil is in ???????????????????

 

 

[planedriver]

Planey's pencil is in ???????????????????

For a service, as it's ground to a halt and run out of lead.

 

Hello, Planeys back, feeling relaxed, with a big :big_grin: on his face, and happy to report that both wrists are OK:thumb_up::thumb_up:

 

However, if his :heart:37-25-36 laptop gets an unwanted upgrade, and becomes :broken_heart:39-58-41 in about July '09. Then the nurse that had the cold hands, is going to have some explaining to do:faint:.

 

TheBaristaCaptains statement No.10 is somewhat inaccurate(quote) Planey may not survive the entire episode, and they'll never be able to close the coffin lid.

 

The facts are, that the pre-paid funeral arrangements, clearly stipulate that his coffin lid is to have electrically operated flaps built into it, in order that it is easier to breathe, and to allow for protrusions to hang his favourite flying hat and goggles on..

 

The question is: If BigPete has been absent, was he responsible for the scratching noises we heard in the middle of the night? and was he scratching away the mortar between the brickwork to have a peek:cool: from the next motel room, so he could pass on instructions to his mate?;););).

 

MusicalPlaney has now mastered the art of the snake charming flute prescribed to him by his Indian Doctor. It is necessary to blow gently, and cover the right hole to be able to reach the required high notes.;)

 

My thanks go to hihosland for his contribution during my absence, as this saved the BaristaBarristerLeCrappee from wandering around in ever decreasing circles searching for the VonTrapp family singers, where he'd promise to save them, providing they could pay his exhorrrrrrrbitant fees.

 

 

[BigPete]

Gee Whizz, :big_grin: I'm back too. Now there's a coincidence........

 

(OK Le Crappy, your que I think..... (exit stage left...)

 

regards

 

:big_grin::big_grin:

 

AbstinancePete

 

 

[planedriver]

Welcome back mate, with no mention of the mortar scratching?

 

We'll leave that to BaristaCrappee who's probably doing his shift in Gloria----'s Jeans.:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:

 

 

[Captain]

Gee Whizz, :big_grin: I'm back too. Now there's a coincidence........

(OK Le Crappy, your que I think..... (exit stage left...) AbstinancePete

In the interests of propriety :black_eye:, Le Crappeee has nothing to add.

 

If Planey :heart: and Petey :broken_heart: may have had a tryst :yin_yan:, an assignation, a get-together, a rendezvous, a centratante, a , a :pig:, a :devil:, or a , it is purely up to the consenting adults involved and not for Le Crap to discuss further or pass judgement.

 

And according to the rules of these forums (or is it fora) and the manner in which all members use nom-de-plumes (or is it nom-de-pla) there remains no way to know for sure whether or which of them is a bloke thumb_down or boke-ette :thumb_up: (or which of them played which of those roles ), so I will just stay schtumm and leave it to other contributors to make up their own minds.

 

(However Le Krap does have it on good authority that prosperousbutnotportlyPete is not 37-25-36 (although he may possibly be 37 high ), and while he may have had the wood on Planey , he has not been to the Oaks for some time ..... although I cannot and will not say what deviatePete does with knotholes ).

 

It is also none of our business whether feelingviolatedPete is a mortar-scratcher or a pillow-biter, however I suspect that he will be watched more closely by Ian and the other Forum Police at Avalon next March, then at Narromine next Easter, and at the impending Echuca Fly-In.

 

Kind regards to all

 

Crappy QC, GJ, TCC

 

The pen of my Pete has been in ??

 

 

[Captain]

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

 

Is anybody there ererererererer?

 

Or is there perhaps another Never Ending Story? As this one appears to have defied its name ............................................. or have you blokes all buggered off to another thread and haven't told your faithful Skipper? (Not that I'm paranoid or haemaroid or anything).

 

Regards regards regards regards regards

 

 

[BigPete]

OK Captain :heart: - I'm here. :thumb_up: I suppose someone had to kick start the story again. I've been very busy - at home. YouCanGoFlyingWhen....MrsPete has had a few little jobs for OverWorkedPete to do before the christmas holiday season begins.

 

So where is Paley, Planey :hug:and the rest of the famous NES crew

 

regards

 

:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin: