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The Never Ending Story


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........it was probably all that bog that made the fire such a spectacular show that it could be seen from Hay (or could have been; it was at 7:15 pm and everyone in Hay was asleep).

A few days later there was a knock on the door of ChezCapitan in Wagga Wagga; It was CASA FoI, Esteletio Frazzone who said' We've heard that your aircraft was burnt in a place north of Hay last week, and we're concerned that you don't seem upset."

"Nah" said Cappy on his sixth gin, "the wings were buggered from all those loops"

FoI Frazzone positively gloated as he pulled out his triplicate notebook; "you understand that loops are prohibited?" he said.

"Yes of course" replied Cappy "I wasn't talking about THOSE loops I was referring to rope loops"

Cappy had started to close the door when FoI Tazzone put his foot in it and asked: "Tie Downs"

Cappy would have been home free, but as we all know he likes to have the last say, and blurted out "No, I've been rebuilding all the Paugeot models and using the 230 to travel around Auatralia and bring back old engines to rebuild.

FoI Tazzone had just hit paydirt and, beaming, he said "Show me your last 60 pre-takeoff W&B calculations, but Cappy ..................

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......Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann, with Salty playing Elizabeth Swann.   The budget for the film was $140 million, and $60 million of that was spent in attempting to remodel Salty'sc oar

"......Turbo tries to rustle cattle." He may be the KE champion of the world, and the warm up act for Reno next year when he's going to KE the whole circuit, but I cam head them off if he tries anythi

........ that the main reason he went into politics is that it's hard to dig tin with one arm and that he always dug in a circle. (Pete's tin digging efforts were photographed from a balloon in 1857 a

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…………….. quickly defused the situation by asking "Just help me out here Essy, old mate, what is this mysterious W&B term of which you speak?".

 

To which the CASA dude responded ……………..

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........."Mein GOTT!" and then, getting himself back under control. He hadn't expected a glaring admission of wrongdoing like this and realised he could get a promotion out of dragging Cappy, a person of interest to CASA ever since, as a nine year old in Wagga Wagga Primary School he had made a hot air ballon from wheat bags he'd pinched from Wagga Grains Ltd, and a gas bottle he'd borrowed from the caravan park. It was working well and he'd been well above roof height when his little friend Loxie who would grow up to be a fairy, instinctively reached for the garden hose and knocked the flame out. The problem was he crashed into Mrs Effie Doubtfire's Bottle Museum on Forsyth St, she told her husband, Sergeant Doubtfire, and he phoned DCA.

The FoI's problem was he didn't have 60 infringement forms, and .....................

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………. he was a little afraid as The Skipper was, at the time, the outspoken and publicly high profile President of the well known and Australia-wide highly regarded 63,000 member Garbage Bag Balloon Lighter Than Air Flying Association of Australia (the GBBLTAFAOA ……...….. but remember kiddies, never on fire risk days) and this was before he moved on to be a respected member of the AUF.

 

CASA had been out to get the GBBLTAFAOA for years because they were having too much fun, but in this instance decided to …………..

 

ONE OF THE SKIPPER'S 1ST AIRCRAFT (50.96 SECONDS AFTER LAUNCH).

HIS EXCELLENCE OF CONSTRUCTION AND HIS POST LAUNCH FLYING SKILLS

WERE HIGHLY ADMIRED AND BECAME THE POSTER CHILD FOR THE GBBLTAFAOA

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…….. gave Essy and the CASA Board his famous one fingered salute (similar to what he gave to Adolph, Idi & Sadam when he lead the actions against them), but then …..

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....... to .......

………… be ………….

 

And with that Cappy bid against himself. What a dill (selfeffacementref).

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.....Tyro [avref]. The story relates to the day an AUF Member who shall remain nameless was practising his circuits when a Rolls Royce rolled up and Bob Menzies (Jenny Craig hadn't been born then) alighted and ..............................

 

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ON BEHALF OF THE THOUSANDS OF NES READERS, I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO ENQUIRE ABOUT TURBO'S HEALTH NOW THAT HE IS LOCATED IN THE MIDST OF THE COVID OUTBREAK.

 

SO TURBO, HOW'S YOUR CLUSTER?

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THE BELOW IS EMBARGOED UNTIL 4 PM ON 1ST JULY 2020 UNLESS RELEASED EARLIER.

 

Investgative Journalist Cappy can divulge that the current silence by Turdy, Onesie & Brine is that they are involved in the Pakistani Pilot Licencing scandal.

 

This is not entirely surprising as Turbs has always looked like Imran Khan in his heyday (Turbo was often heard at the BOB saying "Line up over there girls"), Onesie had the franchise to process fake AUF Licences through the same system (we believe that over 13,000 are in circulation), and Salty was clearly ..........

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......the Orange Boy for the crew. Turbo was scratching his head trying to work out how Turbine Graduations had been caught up in this scandal. “It wasn’t as if the Licences weren’t ornate” he thought “they were the biggest cost of the whole training programme”

Reluctantly he realised he’d have to sack His instructors Bronwyn Bishop and Amanda Grindstone, and start........

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...... redesigning the concept.

 

As you can plainly see, below is a copy of licence #13,436, it is CASA endorsed and is typical of all of the AUF licence that were produced under this scam, this one including a photo of bull harvesting the famous Bone green leaf tea in the Bone hinterland.

 

"I just don't understand what is wrong with our licences and how we got dobbed on" said Turbo incredulously. "It must have been .......

 

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....the fact we wrote them out in Hindu, instead of Urdu. Of course, you can see how easy it is to confuse the two - just a couple of letters wrong, and BANG, your cover is blown".

 

"It wasn't just the fact you wrote the licences out in Hindu", sneered Cappy. "It was the fact you wrote them out from right to left in Hindu, when any fool knows Hindu is written left to right!"

 

"Well", said Turbo, "The printers we employed should've picked this up! I guess that's the problem with using.......

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