The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

The training program from the Remnark council's website.

 

This is part of Brine's concern.

 

[turboplanner]

However Brine just didn't understand the importance of pre-training in the emigrant country to prepare people for their first day in Australia which was strange becaise he should have known from his days in Dandenong that not doing this imposes massive costs on the Australian Taxpayer. For example at one stage in Dandenong the council forked out $40,000.00 to teach a group of Sudanese how to read a Melway street directory and considered it money well spent; the ratepayers didn't and booted the councillors out at the next election.

With this in mind we next move to a small airfield near Melbourne where anyone can teach anything to fly whatever, and the nouveau riche Indian truck drivers are lining up to get their pilot licences firstly to be able to wear epaulettes, and second;ly to become Air India Captains.

Jack Schatt is attempting to teach Gundur how to take off, but..............

[Captain]

...... last night's vindaloo created hell in the small cockpit, not to mention what it did to the seat cushions.

 

Onesie knew the feeling well, from listening to his Premier's press briefings and sent an email to Jack, with the title ".......

[turboplanner]

...........Vindaloo in the poo! "Oh my goodness me, Onsie said; "we are sending you around the bloody bend; you should have asked him to pull the stick back AFTER he start the bloody engine. My goodness me,and a thousand pardons, but you have to learn Indian."

This confused Jack, because he knew that even though OT was West Australian, so mostly Balinese, he was still considered Australian by many people in the East, and WA schools were required to teach English, so he sent an email back saying "WTF?"

OT replied "Goodness gracious me, I realise you are not informed of my present. I am being trained deciduously, Indian because I am having received job to train Indians in speaking English when they are driving trucks. We are having very unfortunate experience with customer in Forbes who said "Fill 'er Up and the attendan t grabbed his wife, but most urgent is CB language where we have to disguise Indian accent otherwise they call us........

[Captain]

..... up all the time on the UHF, asking for directions to Calcutta, and enquiring as to the road conditions in Delhi, plus generally having accented fun (avref) at our expense (avref). (Oh cricky).

 

Onesie called the Skipper up on the phone just now to point out that he was actually South African Indian, so fitted in perfectly in WA.

 

As a South African Indian he was the consummate blending of an Asian brown-supremacist whose Afrikaans accent was modeled on F W de Klerk (so therefore a stellar candidate for a CASA enforcement job) but also (from his period of imprisonment) with the hint of a Mandellian .......

Edited August 30, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....accent which was much more deadly; just ask Winnie. The mixture of accents between the Captain who had perfected the Oxford accent, even though he didn't know what half the words meant, OT, whose Western Australian accent was like fingernails down a blackboard, and poor old Jack who'd been blindsided by his Indian student who was now calling him a "drop bear wonker" after the unfortunate takeoff attempt was causing rising angst among the participants, and then into the group, in a leather jacket with epaulettes walked..........

[Captain]

............ one of the biggest w*nkers in Wreck Flying, a man ("Or woman" [thank you Stan]) who despised ..............

 

Edited August 30, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

............convention, modesty, and patience and was only 142 cm tall, with ...............

[Captain]

........ a limp, an occasional involuntary "yup-yup", LED eyes, a big weapon (Turboref), a monk's habit (no, not THAT habit) and a ........

 

Edited August 30, 2020 by Captain

[onetrack]

....tendency to shoot first and ask questions afterwards - which traits immediately identified him as a former American police trooper. Who this person actually was, remained very unclear, until he spoke, and said.....

[turboplanner]

..........HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and ...................

[onetrack]

........UUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH, and ERRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH, which grunting sounds immediately identified him as a Taswegian from a remote part of the Island, where American Rednecks are welcomed with open arms as kinfolk, and refugee..........

[bull]

of covid 19 ,so everything came to screaching stop. Now people where starting to revolt and started strapping those $500 rotax thingys onto some bits of plywood and onmass started to fly out of Prictoria. Now the premier of Qweensland Topchook said ,call the airforce and shoot them all down ,,DO NOT LET THEM CROSS OUR BORDERS. Well the f18,s where patrolling along the border when..............

[onetrack]

....Premier Palacechook gave updated instructions to only shoot down Victorian-origin aircraft, and perhaps the odd Taswegian aircraft that also looked suspicious.

 

"But how are we to know the difference?", said the CO of 77 Sqdn (based in Williamtown, for the benefit of "those who came in late") - "and what about if there's even some Croweaters amongst them? We can't shoot down.....

[bull]

.some crows as the rspca will.......................

[turboplanner]

..........book us for destroying an endangered species, and the RSPCA, although dog patters, are full of ex FoIs, who can sniff a Recreational Flyer from 30 Nautical Miles, and know what a pack of ......................

[bull]

..mixed breeds they are,,,why just the other day sir Ratty was telling us about his uncle the hedgehog who had...........

[Captain]

...... been described as a real .......

[turboplanner]

........bunch of pricks.

In the meantime production continued with the new engines which were achieving life cycles of an exciting 4.5 hours, although there were some through bolt .............

[Captain]

........ issues that delighted the Austrians, but which the Zongshen hedgehogs found to be .........

[turboplanner]

........insurmountable. There was much sucking of teeth and plenty of scrutible looks as a carpet was covered in broken thru bolts.

They just didn't know what to do until an old Engineer by the name of Ah Send looked down at the array of broken bolts and said " stamp on bolt says Bung Nin, bolts cost 1 Yuan per 1,000, what you expect?" and he fished around until he found a box of bolts, then burst out laughing........................

[onetrack]

.... because they said "Bung It-In" on the head - even though the bolt grade was better, and the numbers were actually readable. Ah Send said to his nearest helper, Bee Gend, "What we leely need here is a fully qualified airlo engineer who can actually understand and lite Inglish. That way, our conversions to Mandarin and Pinyin will become more undlastandable to peasant workforce!"

 

Bee Gend, in the interim, was doing his own conversions from Chinglish to Pinyin, and arriving at some odd instructions. "Install elevator upside down not working" became 倒置安装电梯不起作用, which led to much merriment amongst the labourers who were doing the assembling of the Zhongshen wings, and the production levels were then starting to.....

[Captain]

......... interest the Board of Turbine Enterprises, who were considering a mechanism that would make Tink's aviation toys tax deductable and at the same time they were putting together a reverse equity takeover of the CCP.

 

"Now's the right time" said Turbs "As the Chinese GDP is down and all it will take is a change of initials to the TCP (plus I need to make the move now before my mortal enemies Wazza Buff-It and Georgy Sore-A*se get there before me). I'll leave Xi and Dan in place and then I'll automatically own Wutoria, Port Fairy (Turboref) and .........

[bull]

you car,nt do that screamed Poodundan,,,,,,,i promised Xi that i would give him NSW as well as South Austria. You cost me much money doing that and i,ll.......

[Captain]

....... but just at that time the 2nd rate Chinese Ambassador bloke chimed in.

 

"What the diffelence betleen Austlia and Austlalia except for the "la" (and for Adoph Hitra of course)?" he asked "They same aren't they .............. as we have just banned beef and wine imports from Austlia?" (And Slitzerrand is next if they don't watch out, so there will be no chocorate desert at the next CCP P*ssup ..... he has rearnt his Aussie srang leary well).

 

Danny thought it through and said "It's too early to have a plan, because .......

Edited August 31, 2020 by Captain