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The Never Ending Story


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.........they put 2 and 2 together.

The ladies were not happy with the renaming, particularly Jessie who was on the phone for a while and said "Stuff them, I've booked us for Boongara RSL next year."

Cappy had lost interest in the girls and had his eyes on Turbo's taxi coing holder.

"Get them all out!" he said loudly and there was a general rustling behind him until the girls realised he was talking to Turbo.

Turbo's wide eyes alerted Cappy to the situation, but he was too late turning round.

Turbo pulled the coins out until the holder was empty; they were all heads and tails combinations.

As he picked his coffee cup up he accidentally knocked the holder; there was a distinct metallic rattle from inside and................

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"......Turbo tries to rustle cattle." He may be the KE champion of the world, and the warm up act for Reno next year when he's going to KE the whole circuit, but I cam head them off if he tries anythi

......Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann, with Salty playing Elizabeth Swann.   The budget for the film was $140 million, and $60 million of that was spent in attempting to remodel Salty'sc oar

Waste extraction tube had shrunk and my voice was turning like Micheal jackson, when all of a sudden the jab below me  started making very concerning noises and pieces flew [avref] in all directions [

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34 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

As he picked his coffee cup up he accidentally knocked the holder; there was a distinct metallic rattle from inside and................

....... he quickly explained "That's just a Rotax starting up (or shutting down) next door, so don't worry."

 

"No mate" the lithe Skipper said "What's in your coffee cup, except of course for the usual coffee, a double shot of JW Red, a pinch of cocaine and half a viagra?"

 

Turbo looked embarrassed, went quiet and thoughtful for a while, then .........

 

 

"WHY HALF A VIAGRA?" I HEAR FORUM MEMBERS ASK. IT'S TO GIVE

TURBS SOMEWHERE TO PROP UP HIS IPAD WHEN REPLYING TO THE NES.

A LOW COST, SOFTER & ALWAYS AVAILABLE VERSION OF THIS .............

Image result for ERECTION PROPPING UP IPAD

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.....he suddenly stood up and pointed and exclaimed, "Oooohh! Did you just see that flunked landing! I thought he was going to rip the undercarriage off!"

 

"No? Where?", said Cappy as he spun around in his chair (as fast as his portly frame would allow for "speed"), looking hither and thither at an empty runway, and not an aircraft in sight. 

 

"Ahhh, you missed it! You were too slow!", said Turbo - as he surreptitiously poured the coffee into a nearby pot plant - thus promptly making the pot plant stand more erect, and gain some extra size.

 

Cappy spun around in his chair again, ready to examine the contents of Turbo's cup - but again, he was too late, as Turbo already had it in the sink, and was cleaning it.

 

"I can't believe this!", cried Cappy, "First off, it was - initiate a major distraction, then it was, dispose of the contents without a trace, now it's..........

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".......Ooooh! there goes a RAT!" said Turbo, and Cappy's head nearly came off as he spun. When he turned back, Turbo was gone; nowhere to be seen, and not only that but ....................

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13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

".......Ooooh! there goes a RAT!" said Turbo, and Cappy's head nearly came off as he spun. When he turned back, Turbo was gone; nowhere to be seen, and not only that but ....................

....... five of the CWA ladies were adjusting their corsets and smiling in that "Turbo was here" kind of way.

 

The Captain checked the security cameras around the town and the below photo records Turbo's exit thru the Gumly Gumly Botanic Gardens, at the same time that Cappy was still looking around searching for his best mate and while the CWA ladies were looking at each other saying "Who did that .... and what did he (or she) do it with?".

 

The final sign was Turbo's usual calling card where he leaves a souvenir star knife (see example below, as made by Turbine Star Knives Inc) and a .................

 

A NEVER BEFORE SEEN PHOTO OF TURBO, LEAVING AFTER ADJUSTING HIS UNIFORM.

Note that his fingers are counting out "5" in Japanese characters + also note the thumbs up. Turbo just has to be the fastest and coolest NES member there has ever been, although bull probably comes a close second.

Image result for Japanese Ninja Warrior

 

 

THE TURBO CALLING CARD, WHICH ARE THE TALK OF THE CWA

Image result for Japanese Ninja Warrior STAR KNIFE

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"Turbo & I are brood blothers" commented Nobu.

 

NOBU IN HIS YOUNGER PLE-WW2 DAYS

Image result for old japanese ninja warrior

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SOME FURTHER HISTORY - Turbo and Nobu were international pen-friends between the wars and as a little joke they offered to exchange vowels for 12 months.

 

So for a year Tubb was called Torbu San and Nob was "Nubo the Knob" (He actually wanted to be called Bluey, but that was never on as his hair was not even slightly red).

 

They thought it was a real giggle back in those more innocent days.

 

"Torbu was a leal funny young plick when he was a rittle tacker, and I ruved frying down to Moolabbin to be birreted with him and his famiry. However those horridays fell a bit frat after we attacked Pearl Harbour".

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and the zelo would not quite reach Tasmania to visit the Bull, why what with changing into a cartoon character like the rat seems to be a new trend that the Bull has embraced as well. What screamed Turbo, maybe i can beundefined

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and this has started a whole new trend for the NES as members are scrambling to update their profile photos, why onesie could not find one and was left scratching his head [The rat has spread his bloody fleas around again onesie could be heard muttering]Maybe i need a new profile name?

 

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And thus the race started to find ever smarter and better avatars, with bull (who has now revealed he lives in a houseboat on Lake Echo) finally realising he can present his image best, as an angry Tassie devil avatar, screaming about beating people to death with a shovel - while the Jedi Rat has morphed into a cartoon mouse, thus leaving NES readers wondering what the Captain has been doing in his spare time - besides watching old Disney cartoons.

 

Only Turboid hasn't changed his avatar, and that's because he still dreams of being an F16 jockey - and the model he constructed from foam and photographed for his avatar, still hangs from the ceiling of his man-cave, which is decorated with posters of Tom Cruise and other.........

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5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

............followers.

At Reno, bull was having trouble starting his ...............

....... approach (avref) to Cindi-Lee, the best looking waitress at Reno's famous Sagebrush Saloon, where AUF flyers (and Tazzy Devils (bullref)) are held in high regard because .......

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....of their well-known drinking and BS-ing prowess (in line with many other aviators), whereby they can drink the locals under the table, and then BS them to a gob-smacked standstill.

 

"Why, just the other day", said bull, as he downed his 14th straight bourbon, "I was bouncing around the sky, caught up in this cumulo-nimbus in my jackaroo at 20,000 feet, and with no oxygen, when I noticed the aircraft was on fire as well!

It didn't faze me, I just shook up a few cans of the bourbon and coke I always carry with me, and opened the cans, one after the other, squirted the contents on the fire, while I held onto the stick between my knees!

It didn't take long, and the fire was out, and right about then I spotted a hole in the cloud through the hail, and saw the ground, pushed the stick forward, and dived out of that bit of drama like a WW2 Mustang driver!"

 

"Ahhhh, c'mon", said a nearby Yank pilot, "You gotta be shXXtting me! 20,000 feet in a 40 HP 2-stroke? You're makin' all this up!"

 

"No, I swear on a stack of Bibles it's true!', said bull. "You see, I only started off to do a few circuits at 1500', but then I accidentally got my undercarriage caught in this passing........

 

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15 minutes ago, onetrack said:

 

"No, I swear on a stack of Bibles it's true!', said bull. "You see, I only started off to do a few circuits at 1500', but then I accidentally got my undercarriage caught in this passing........

........... 230 Jabiru (or CT9000). The acceleration was amazing and that Jabiru 6 just purred below me without any hint of gearbox backlash, as we shot up to 20,000 (AMSL of course) in less that 5 minutes. I thought I was a gonner because my nails had gone blue (even visible underneath my black goth nail polish) and my ................

 

bULL'S POXY HYPOXIC FINGERNAILS TAKEN VIA A SELFIE

THAT DAY @ 20,000 FT (NAIL POLISH REMOVED FOR CLARITY).

Image result for hypoxia blue fingernails

 

bULL'S USUAL NAILS AT MSL

image.jpeg.bc78677d45822ee9e9b0cee5c79bba8a.jpeg

Edited by Captain
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Waste extraction tube had shrunk and my voice was turning like Micheal jackson, when all of a sudden the jab below me  started making very concerning noises and pieces flew [avref] in all directions [later found out to be the remnants of several through bolts] the mighty jab slowed like it had hit an arrester wire on the HMAS Melbourne, and suddenly the jackaroo was free from the jabs embrace.. Ahhhh i dunno if ya are telling the truth drawled the yank [later found out to be turdo dressed in his best village people costume] a jackaroo,s terminal velocity , weighing only 180kg was about 120kts. Nah it,s true squeaked Bull [still suffering from the brass monkey effect]why even the Captain .................

Edited by bull
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3 hours ago, bull said:

Ahhhh i dunno if ya are telling the truth drawled the yank [later found out to be turdo dressed in his best village people costume] a jackaroo,s terminal velocity , weighing only 180kg was about 120kts. Nah it,s true squeaked Bull [still suffering from the brass monkey effect]why even the Captain .................

........ knows that if you are going to hit the Sagebrush to have a crack at Cindy-Lee, you don't want to be squeaking. Instead you need to be more like Onesie or Tinky and .........

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......have a deep masculine voice, with a good command of English, and a smooth style of lines delivery that would make Tom Cruise (avref) blush. And of course, a barrel chest and towering height helps set it all off. And if you can't manage the height, I know a good Italian bootmaker who can install a 75mm lift in a swish new pair of Italian leather flying boots, without anyone being any the wiser".

 

At that, Cindy-Lee swept into the bar, all flounces and bouffant hairdo - and she said (in her best American girlie twang), "Why, hello!, you handsome flah-boys! Who's going to give me a rah-d?"

 

At that, Cappy choked on his gin, bull nearly fainted, Turbo sat back in his chair looking stunned, and only Onetrack stepped forward to meet her. "Ma'am, I'd be happy to give you an exciting ride, anytime you want!"

 

"Ooooohhh!!, squealed Cindy-Lee. "And you're such a big strong Ahh-stralian flyboy, too!! What a cute accent ya'll got! Yah! I wanna ride with you! When do we take off??"

 

Onetrack replied with one of his best lines, "Ahhhh, how about we try out the seating in the sim, first - so we can familiarise you with.......

 

 

Edited by onetrack
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15 hours ago, onetrack said:

Onetrack replied with one of his best lines, "Ahhhh, how about we try out the seating in the sim, first - so we can familiarise you with .......

........ flight at 5280 ft (AMSL avref) and using my central stick (avref) between your knees.

 

"Ahhd lurve thayat ........ and you-all look so murch like Tarm Cruise (4' 9"ref), dear onesie" said Cindy-Lee, going all gooey.

 

So the uni-root made a booking at the Sim Motel, just down the road from the Sagebrush (there is a well worn track between them, mainly used on Grab-A-Granny night or Grab-a-Grandpa night [NTTIAWWT]) and Cindy-Lee slipped (avref) into her pink flying suit (avref), to be ready to .........

 

CINDY-LEE, ALL READY TO BE

TAUGHT WONDERFUL

TECHNIQUE BY ONESIE.

Image result for pink flying suit

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oNETRACK IN HIS ONESIE WAITING AT THE SIM AND SALAVATING AT THE PROSPECTS.

(Yes, he does look a bit like a WA version of Wilfred, doesn't he?)

See the source image

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Sims ,sims pooh ba, cried Bull in his now resurrected deep baritone voice,to get the chicks i don't need to be muscly or fit or polite or speak in the smooth tones of James Bond , all i need isFacebook

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........love, but with a face like that he was not likely to find love or an Aston Martin.

Not many people know that the James Bond movie concept was developed by Turbo and Cappy over a long lunch in Cannes. They sat there in the shade of some Pecan trees sipping French wine, and Cappy said "look at that yacht down there; it must be over 50 feet long." "49 feet six" replied Turbo, but the point was made; you had to obscenely rich as Turbo knew from his succession of engine blow ups. He said "We could write a story about someone who was extremely rich, but greedy and used the yacht for smuggling.

"What would he smuggle?" asked Cappy in one of those exasperating conversation stallers, but Tobo quickly said "Gold; he had a gold finger after the real one was chopped off in a knife fight" 

"that sounds like a movie to me" said Cappy, and Turbine Movies came up with a writer "Ian Fleming" who was really Loxie, and the rest is history.

It was a hot dusty morning in Reno,; the last of the overnight gamblers had drifted off to bed, the old folks were pouring in to the Casinos for the 12" all you can eat ffive dollar breakfasts, and the first Keo draws had started for the day.

Out at the air race site, the commentator was nervously saying "Testing, testing" when there was the unmistakeable roar of an engine starting, and.............

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there over by the fence sat the rat ,sweat pouring down his nose and chest heaving trying to suck in more air.               Seeing this the marshall, Turbinia,, [one of Turbo,s daughters named after the first turbine power boatTurbinia - Wikipedia] wandered over to see if the rat was ok.                  Are you ok? she asked ,as she got closer.                     Slowly rising from a crouch the rat said in a weak voice,,, yeah i'm ok just this bloody new car of mine is so hard to start in the mornings i,ll have to..............                                                                    [Cappy with Turbinia]Ask a Hemmings Editor: What was the last vehicle that could be... | Hemmings

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4 hours ago, bull said:

 Slowly rising from a crouch the rat said in a weak voice,,, yeah i'm ok just this bloody new car of mine is so hard to start in the mornings i,ll have to..............

....... put both feet on the ground (avref), get wider tyres, and think up a story so that Turbo does not tumble (aerobaticsref) to my intentions about Turbinia.

 

"Turbo and I have been friends since before the war (WW2 not Iraq) and Turbinia was therefore made during our close friendship & I may have even been nearby at the time, so while it feels wrong to take his daughter for a ride, I think it might feel nice too" said Cappy to himself as he fortified himself with another triple Bombay Saphire (while doing a few practice circuits and four 20 knot crosswind landings).

 

bull was taken aback when he thought about ........

Edited by Captain
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....Cappy fortifying himself with only three Bombay Sapphires before cutting loose with the club Drifter. It normally took five to calm his nerves, and to prevent a runway excursion.

 

Meantimes, bull had forgotten all about Cindy-Lee and was smitten with Turbinia's stunning looks and friendly nature. He had to figure out how to get something more attractive than a Model T Ford to get her in.

 

It had to be a bright colour, go fast, have a luxurious, inviting interior, and it had to be LOUD! - because being LOUD was what every red-blooded Tasmanian male used as a female-attracting move.

 

Accordingly, bull went and logged onto the "trade-a-plane" website, to see what he could get within his limited budget of funds and a Jackaroo trade-in (he'd already smashed open his three piggy banks and found $151.06 in them). Suddenly, he got excited. There it was! It was a.........

 

Edited by onetrack
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.......trying to compete with Cappy, the Baron von Richthoven of Kapooka Secret Military Base where Australia's Blackbirds were believed to be based.

The more Cappy smiled, the more ................

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