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36 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.....greasy and slippery and smelly, it's just like when I was in.......

...... drag and performed for ......

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"......Turbo tries to rustle cattle." He may be the KE champion of the world, and the warm up act for Reno next year when he's going to KE the whole circuit, but I cam head them off if he tries anythi

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Waste extraction tube had shrunk and my voice was turning like Micheal jackson, when all of a sudden the jab below me  started making very concerning noises and pieces flew [avref] in all directions [

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"........Bombay, and my job as Club Secretary was to organise the cleaning of the roof gutters.

The old male monkeys displayed every afternoon on the roof before turning their......................."

 

 

 

 

File photo of Colonel Cappy's Thesis wherein he was able to prove by facial recognition that he was not descended from a Rhesus Monkey. The Peer Reviews on this have been somewhat divided, so we can't bring you the final thesis.

Monkey.JPG

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23 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The old male monkeys displayed every afternoon on the roof before turning their......................."

........... brightly colored behinds towards the evening sun, just like Turbo does at the Morabbin Aero Club and onetrack does 2 or 3 hours later at the Royal Perth AC (or when he is around at the Premier's joint for 6 o'clock drinkies).

 

This all confirmed Cappy's theory that because only the primates have one womb (ladiesbitsref) (this is not to assert that Tubb and onesie have a womb [although they certainly are a pair of XXXXs]) and all other animals have two, that we primates originated as aliens from outer space (warning-warningwillrobinsonref) and that we ............

Edited by Captain
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.....all once had two heads as well - and although evolution has seen nearly all of the two-headed aliens vanish - there's still the odd two-headed individual, walking upright amongst us.

It's probably not well known that Cappy is one of those two-headed monstrosities, bypassed by evolution. He hides his second head well, under a large hat. This is why he has a preference to visit, and even live in, "Big Hat" country.

 

But occasionally, he feels the need to release his two-headed persona, and this becomes very evident when he gets behind the wheel of his car, and he starts to jostle other motorists for road room - and indulge in bouts of two-headed, road-rage nastiness.

However, on this particular day when his two-headed persona was really letting rip, a certain well-known Constable just happened to look across from her patrol car, and spotted Cappy doing his "thing", with his hat off, and she quickly.......

Edited by onetrack
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....peaks, and he bit down hard with both sets of false teeth.

Constable Doubtfire had experienced this many times in Wagga Wagga which really should have been named "Heathen" becaise of the level of misbehaviour, from a Fire Chief who kept his score up by lighting up houses when the numbers were down, often with people in them if it had been a poor news week, to Mavis's cousin Isobel who was rumoured to keep a slave, and Black Jack who owned the local fish and chip shop and drove a black Chrysler 300 paid for by a weekly gun run to Melbourne.

Constable Doubtfire as a result was wearing a brass garment which had been given the name Brassiere or Brasserie depending on the use and there were two loud cracks as Cappy's teeth split in four.

Reeling back in surprise, Cappy .............

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started to see that she was having an orgasm and shaking so hard she let him go,,,my god said onesie [who had just driven up in his volvo] she is..........

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..........going to let a road-rage criminal escape! At those words, Cappy indeed make good his escape. He took off through a shopping mall with security in hot pursuit - as shopping mall rules stricly forbid the entry of two-headed people.

 

He frightened several old ladies, two of whom fell over with their walkers, and another four of whom, screamed loudly, "it's the two-headed thing from the film!!!! .........AAAARRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!.............

 

And here, Dear NES readers, we have proof of Cappys frightening abilities........

 

 

 

 

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4 hours ago, onetrack said:

And here, Dear NES readers, we have proof of Cappys frightening abilities........

........ however, as is always the case with 2 headed entities, The Skipper wasn't aware of that there was a 2nd version of himself (Onesie's above post has been a bit of a shock), but he must admit that he often walks a bit funny (a bit like Elaine's dancing on Seinfeld) and Ratty has always thought of himself as a better looking Edgar from Men-in-Black (see below) and Mavis (played by the attractive red-head in the below) always liked the way that he ..........

 

 

 

 

Edited by Captain
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35 minutes ago, Captain said:

Ratty has always thought of himself as a better looking Edgar from Men-in-Black (see below) and Mavis (played by the attractive red-head in the below) always liked the way that he ..........

hid his Tasmanian ancestry ,as only she knew that he had originally came from strong two headed Tasmania convict ancestry. Another secret about our cappy was he has a brother and sister still hiding away in the unexplored regions of Tasmania who breed Tasmanian tigers.  They are always............         [cappys sister/s  and his other brother who hides his head inside his head].     Image result for two headed peopleImage result for two headed people

Edited by bull
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....easily recognised by their 6-fingered hands and 6-toed feet as well - something the Taswegians see as an admirable advantage, as it gives them the ability to count faster, and to higher numbers.

 

But back to Cappys escape from the long arm of the law. It was obvious the shopping mall was the wrong place for Cappy to escape to - he suddenly realised he couldn't hide in the shoppping crowds, his two heads were just a little too obvious - and Const. Doubtfire had recovered by now, and was hot on his trail.

It wasn't often a man could give her an orgasm like that, and he wasn't going to get away - not with that amazing ability!

 

She had to catch him - if no more than to just find out, if he was endowed in the pubic region with two appendages as well! She'd learnt snakes were suitably endowed in this manner, and marvelled at the possibilities of having a man who.......

 

Edited by onetrack
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...... could zig and could zag, both at the same time.

 

This fascinated Doubtfire who had previously been criticized, and had been the subject of an interdepartmental enquiry, because of her truncheon fetish, which resulted in her ..........

 

An image of Doubtfires truncheon collection, (excluding those that had

electrical cords coming out of them, or contained usb charging points).

Image result for a big trunceon

Edited by Captain
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........being banned from carrying a truncheon.

The ban had to be hastily withdrawn when she seamlessly replaced the truncheon by pulling out her 357 magnum and plugging sleeping drunks, people who were fighting and Victorian tourists.

Legend at the Wagga Wagga Racing Club Bar has it that she found Cappy and they disappeared for nearly a month, emerging exhausted between the flags of the Murrumbidgee River Lifesaving Clubs approved swimming area, and were quickly saved by Lifesavers who called Loxie and his Wagga Wagga Fire Brigade to hose them down before the school kids started to arrive.

Cappy was very much worse for wear. He'd lost a head, and by the looks of it also ..........................

 

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"Hang on bull old mate" said Doubtfire with a voice like Rodney Rude "None of my battens have seams. They are all as smooth as your ........

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2 hours ago, Captain said:

"Hang on bull old mate" said Doubtfire with a voice like Rodney Rude "None of my battens have seams. They are all as smooth as your ........

main street used to be in Bone , before that Tom cruise and that Australia movie covered it up in dirt and let cows defecate everywhere. Now do you know where that Cappy is at the moment Bull? Na said bull last i seen him he was feeding the Tassie tigers up somewhere near the Styx valley somewhere. Maybe turdo could.....

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.....hop in his his Drifter and go search for him? He'll need a sharp eye, because Cappy is wearing his best camo outfit, so the Tigers don't get spooked - and besides that, he's carrying a.......

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4 hours ago, bull said:

........... smoove batten to.............

...... batter (hit, not coat & cook) the first .......

Edited by Captain
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.......person who disagrees with him.

Since he frequently disagrees with himself this could be interesting.

"All I want to do" he said "is get back to a normal life flying my old J230, but that's not possible because someone......................."

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.....and that means I'm looking for a suitable repower unit. I looked at all the options, and they're all way out of the ballpark for me - so I'm going to look at an auction next month, where there's a pile of PT-6A turbines on offer, and I'm taking along a tape measure to see if........

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"..................the mounting bolts fit."

Cappy didn't say aything after that; kept his secret to himself. He sat at home each night with his pencil and tape measure and furiously filled notepads with calculations.

Finally he..............

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