The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

21 hours ago, bull said:

 (Layout & punctuation corrected - Ed)

 

..... and schitt was blown around all over the Murray,bits of wings and tails (they were actually empennages - Ed) flew well at low altitude all over the place. 

 

"Bloody hell" (punctuation corrected - Ed) screamed ...............

......... the bloke who acts for Loony Toons (LT) and is responsible for recovering damages from those that use LT's images without written authority.

 

bull ducked for cover, as he has had a few legal stoushes over the years, so he called Turbine, Turbine and Turbine PLC - Lawyers to get .........

Edited April 12, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....an opinion.

Turbine, Turbine and Turbine gave him three, charged for all three, and writing the three emails.

While this saga was going on, Salty had used his income from the film to finish the Pizza Schitt Ultralight.

It really was quite good, and flew very well, wuth very short take-off thanks to its double-Bernoulli wing, and plenty of power, and it landed like a feather in an amazingly short distance. Not even Salty was going to stiff this one up, but ..................................

[onetrack]

....Cappy saw what had happened with his design, and became enraged. "Now you're well and truly up Schitt Creek, for stealing my Pizza Schitt Utralight build!!", he raged.

But Salty set out to calm Cappy down, and pointed out that he'd only gathered up all the pieces from all over the countryside - at his own expense - and he was only trying to help Cappy to get back on track, (avref) with his design work. He had no intention of stealing his design, because he knew that the Pizza Schitt name was permanently entwined with Cappys name and reputation.

 

Not long after Cappy had rebuilt his manufacturing operations, a big black limo rolled up to his works, and out stepped two olive-skinned gentlemen in sharp suits and dark sunglasses.

Cappy watched this performance with some concern. His concern heightened when one of the suited gents spoke, in a distinctive Southern Italian (Riverina variety) accent.

 

"Meester Capitano?," he said. "We have to have-a leetle talk together, about dis leetle Pizza Sheet aircraft-a, you's-a building. We gotta leetle job for you and your aircrafts. We gonna make-a you an offer you can't-a refuse, and eets in your interest to say yes to everything we want - or there could be some troubles with-a your business - like a big-a fire start in-a da meedle of da night, or somethin' bad, like-a dat!"

Cappy swallowed hard. This was not what he expected when it came to selling his aircraft design. The last thing he wanted was.......

[turboplanner]

..........to mix with Riverina people, because they picked their noses and continually gossiped. Also they were inbred and all had that straight hair, wide faces and big teeth.

These two jerks putting on fake Italian accents were no exception; you could see their bums were wide from sitting on a John Deere all day.

In fact one of them had slipped up; he'd dressed up in the dark suit but still had his RMs and a John Deere peaked cap on.

He walked over to the limo and kicked one of the hub caps off; what happened next is still talked about ........................

[Captain]

...... today.

 

First ......

[turboplanner]

.....after a lot of deliberation and consideration for the family, we have to tell NES readers that the two thugs were the sons of Loxie who had trained them in the family tradition of fire fighting. As some would know, the real work begins after a fire when the truck gets back to the station, and someone has to put the hose over their shoulder and run 300 metres down the street, flat out to keep the reel spinning until all the hose is out and can start drying. This had built up their muscles. Unfortunatel he had also taught them the family art of lock picking, and employed them as bouncers, and they had picked up the habit of stealing hub caps off customer cars. Cappy had had to replace 17 sets on his Chrysler. Like all thugs they couldn't stand seeing someone else doing the same as they did, and when Cappy kicked the hubcap off their limo they burst out sobbing, and ...................

[Captain]

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Like all thugs they couldn't stand seeing someone else doing the same as they did, and when Cappy kicked the hubcap off their limo they burst out sobbing, because ...................

...... they knew that Turbine Limousines, Limousins and Elongated Hummers Pty Ltd charge like wounded Limousins when their triple chromed hubcaps are damaged.

 

TLLaEHPL saw the kickmark from Cappy's RMW boots and prepared their invoice to include ....... 

 

HE MAY NOT BE A WOUNDED BULL, BUT HE CAN INFLICT ONE IF INCLINED.

This Limousin bull apparently has a hernia.

 

 

Cute multi coloured city boots, specifically designed for hubcap kicking and wearing at the Remnark Mardi Gras.

Edited April 13, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

that the two thugs were the sons of Loxie who had trained them in the family tradition of fire fighting.

DON'T SAY A WORD AND PLEASE WILL ALL NESERS STAY COMPLETELY SCHTUMM.

But your Skipper has just realised how our beloved Loxie is the spitting image of Don (see below photo) and it is now clear that we used to have a missing celebrity in our midst ........... and why he always wore body armour.

 

That's Loxie, I tell ya.

 

(BTW ... Rangott is now part of the Turbine Communications empire and have gone from strength to strength.)

 

 

 

Edited April 13, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........a liberal donation to Twiggy's brand new RM factory in Adelaide where it belonged, not that there was anything wrong with peasants from Upper Silesia making boots for Australian Ringers. 

 

Not many people know that old RM was the strapper for the Kidman properties, and he could make ten pairs of boots faster than an Upper Silesian could make one pair, and the soles didn't fall off in the first week either.

 

RM had to work fast because Sid Kidman had 104 Stations with three or four Ringers on each, so he had to work hard and fast, killing his own Limousin bulls, which was difficult when all Sid issued was a standard Sheffield Pocket Knife, but he made do and daily was turning out boots, belts, watch straps and covers, stockwhips, bridles, saddles, and still had time for the Sunday buck jumping competition.

 

One Sunday night ...................

[Captain]

23 hours ago, turboplanner said:

One Sunday night ......

.... old RM was particularly .......

[turboplanner]

.........pleased with a 15 strand bull lead he'd made for the Royal Adelaide Show; the rings had been made from pure silver, mined on Starlight Station, and Sid had decided to show the Limousin bull "Doyafeellucky" from Backwater Station.

The problem was ..........

[turboplanner]

.....that no one posted, so .......

[bull]

Turdy had just  reread the legal letter from "starlight legal services " about the use of the copyrighted word "bull" that he received yesterday, their client had stated that: The use and varied slurs apon the name of Bull, will cease and desist immediately or legal action will ensue that it does. Our client may also be lodging actions for compensation for mental stress and depression from the use of his name etc etc etc..,,,,,Well what do you think of this he asked RM???...........

[turboplanner]

....and RM said Bull is my best friend and Bulls have been my livelihood; I've never killed one, never insulted one, never had one chase me, and never hit a black one at night in the Landcruiser like everyone else; I just get Bullskins and with the utmost respect turn them into attractive items that all Bulls would be proud of.

 

RM then presented References from every Station in the Kidman Empire, except The Big Muddy, and that's the one the lawyers pounced on because................

[onetrack]

....that was where the Bull story got really muddy - yet some fool of a lawyer leader kept telling them to push on. But the more that lawyer pushed, the muddier the Bull story got, until it......

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

....that was where the Bull story got really muddy - yet some fool of a lawyer leader kept telling them to push on. But the more that lawyer pushed, the muddier the Bull story got, until it......

........ became germane to the court case as to whether bull really is one.

 

The judge therefore ordered a full medical, psychological, physical, genealogical & gynecological program of tests, plus he ordered that the court's investigators speak to the blokes at bull's watering hole of a pub in Bone, but possibly more importantly the Judge insisted that they talk to the lassies at the Bone CWA where bull's stud credentials (and his claims of being an professional gynecologists ........ whereas most had found him to be rather amateurish, genecology wise) had been in question for some time.

 

The resultant report was a bombshell, with its ........

Edited April 19, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......opening submission by Raelene from Ayr a who said “YAAAAAAAH he’s a bull alright eh!”, which brought the house down, then......

[Captain]

43 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......opening submission by Raelene from Ayr a who said “YAAAAAAAH he’s a bull alright eh!”, which brought the house down, then......

......... the traditional animal husbandry question was asked by the judge, while sniggering just a little).

 

"Now settle down Raelene, as you ceratinly appear to have enjoyed it. However .... was it his or was there an AI component? ......... and if so, who was the Vet that did the ................

 

For the thousands of city folk who lurk on the NES, AI = Artificial Insemination, and Vet = Veterinarian, not Vietnam/Iraq/Afghanistan fighter. 

Edited April 19, 2021 by Captain

[bull]

deed,so i can contact him too,,,,Well THIS also brought the house down. The courthouse was awash with laughter ....                                                hey  salty ,yelled the rat,,,is that bloke any good? The pandamonium that followed will always be remembered as "The rocky horror court affair"Some of the things that occurred where.............

[Captain]

...... a cruel reference to our long term mate bull, when Raelene blurted out "They used an AI needle, mate, eh, as it was bigger".

 

The judge was then rather un-judgelike when he ......

[onetrack]

....started guffawing at Raelenes comical outburst. But he soon resumed his sombre approach, and he requested that the prime evidence be produced, for open court examination.

 

"I ain't dropping my strides for anyone! - certainly not in an open court!!" exclaimed bull. But the judge soon calmed him down, when he said, "We don't want you to drop your strides - certified photographic evidence is quite acceptable to the court, and as soon as we get that, we can......

[Captain]

6 hours ago, onetrack said:

....started guffawing at Raelenes comical outburst. But he soon resumed his sombre approach, and he requested that the prime evidence be produced, for open court examination.

 

"I ain't dropping my strides for anyone! - certainly not in an open court!!" exclaimed bull. But the judge soon calmed him down, when he said, "We don't want you to drop your strides - certified photographic evidence is quite acceptable to the court, and as soon as we get that, we can......

...... get the evidence from the ABC, Nine & the Ten Network plus Sky News (PrimeEvidenceJokeRef), but bull remained reticent (and flaccid) before Raelene came ..... up with a suggested solution that the ......

Edited April 19, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

10 hours ago, onetrack said:

guffawing

TECHNICAL SIDE NOTE - DETAILS NEEDED .........

 

Your Captain has heard of lots of wings (eventual avref) and he is particularly keen on, and a little turned on by, the dihedral wing.

 

So can any NESer please advise the background and details of the guffa wing?

Edited April 19, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......best solution would be to get it under a microscope so........

[Expanation for the Guffa Wing And Dihedral.

 

This is a modified E section wing with reverse Bernoulli on the underside and winglets. They are made in Greece by Di who churns them out at a place called Hedra Lower, in the mountain country next to Delphi]

[Captain]

26 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......best solution would be to get it under a microscope so........

 

........ that we can burn it, just like we used to as kids, with ants on the rare days that the sun was shining at Morabbin Special School for Special kiddies.

 

bull resisted the burning plan and only agreed to wip it out for all to see & inspect, after the Judge proposed to ............

 

Re Technical response ........ Thanks Tubb, as those Greeks were clever, inventive buggers, eh, and that Greek bloke, Bernie Oulli, was a cracker of a wing specialist.

Edited April 19, 2021 by Captain