The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

..... that Ahlox stood outside the fire station in a see-through RFS supplied smock while he hung his hose up to dry.

 

Then Doubtfire thought of a profound aviation (avref) question (thank goodness that she can get the NES back on track (onesieref)) and she asked "Hey Ratty. When you fly your Mk7 (inchref) Thruster (doubleentendreref), do those couple of genital piercings whistle like a Gloucester Meteor's gun ports as you .......

Edited August 1, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....do a sideslip (avref) for a fast landing? "Oh, No!", said Cappy. "I had them engineered in shape, so the design only adds extra lift (avref) when I really need it (angleofthedangleref) - and they're also designed to promote smooth air flow, so there's no annoying whistles at high speed. As we all know, there's nothing worse than a constant whistling, when you're trying your hardest to........

 

Edited August 1, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

...do a flare [avref], and then ...........

[Captain]

10 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...do a flare [avref], and then ...........

.......... a few random Roman Candles (referencetoflareref & airshowpyrotechnicsref), which Doubtfire (bisexualcopperref) had inserted (painfulhumanempannageref) and then lit (Ahloxref) using ........

Edited August 2, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...the petrolonastraycatstail (POSCT) method which always produced a record run to ................

[Captain]

11 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...the petrolonastraycatstail (POSCT) method which always produced a record run to ................

....... the cat in a sub Olympic 5.4 secs for the 100 metres.

 

"We use that ratest method to tlain our athretes" said the boss of the CCP Orympics Fedelation (the CCPOF) and you should see our lunners go, with 2 ritres of 97 ULP on their clackers, and then we ............

Edited August 2, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

"........light the fuse and they go supersonic, faster than Insane Bort"

"Did you mean Usaine Bolt?" asked one of the reporters.

"Yes, that him" said the Official beginning to bristle.

"He's not on the Olympics" said another reporter taking a risk.

"Who's fastest then?" demanded the Officlal.

"It's an Australian!" yelled one of the ruder reporters.

"XXXX Me!, those XXXXXXX Ausrayans AGAIN!, the XXXXX, now we have to go without MORE wine, cookies, stacks, and crawfishes" the Official exploded. 

TurbineNN sent a newsflash to Cappy to activate the Spratley's Defence............

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

TurbineNN sent a newsflash to Cappy to activate the Spratley's Defence............

.......... and the newsflash was succinct plus fairly direct.

 

"Activate the Spratley's Defence (ATSD)" it said, then Turbo went all verbose again, as usual, and added "F............

Edited August 2, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.......orget about the gin, and emptying the drinks cabinet to take with you, this is an IMPORTANT PRIORITY! Fuel up all the Drifters, see that all the armaments have full magazines, and make sure you load up some crayfish to wave at them and taunt them with, and you can probably take some Merlot to wave at them, too - they won't be able to read the label at their distance. That will really rile them up."

 

"Oh, as an afterthought, you can probably take along a bag of Australian Barley, so you can dribble it out of the bag, across their windshields - with them suddenly realising full well, we now have plenty of barley to throw around and waste, and it will never be turned into Chinese beer!"

 

"Sounds good!", said Cappy as he hurriedly stashed a bottle of gin behind the seat of the Drifter ('for ballast purposes, of course', as he'd explain later) - and as soon as that was done, Cappy stood back and admired what he'd done, and how they were now ready for anything the Chinese could.......

 

Edited August 2, 2021 by onetrack

[Captain]

....... chuck at him, as based on those succinct instructions the Australian nation was prepared for war.

 

All, except that the Frigates are running a bit late, the French Subs are a tad behind, the F45's (avref) can't fly (avref) further north than Toowoomba and even our large fleet of Drifter combat aircraft are short of thru-bolts and Rotax gearbox spares.

 

"Can you give Xi a tingle and see if we can put it off until 2035" said Scotty in his call to Turbo "And by 2035 we can also fight a shooting war with net zero emissions, so it will be a win-win ...................... except for whoever the poor bugger is that lose-loses."

 

This was Turbo's biggest test and he ..........

Edited August 2, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......knew better than to let that gin soaked tart get his finger on the trigger. Even tourists knew the when heading out of WW on skeet days you need to be at double the speed limit just in case Cappy pops a stray. People have said they’ve seen Constable D. coming up behind them and driving straight past. She knows the risk, and........

 

[Captain]

OFF TOPIC - Explanation just for our very own Onesie.

 

Including a note about safety with rabbits.

 

https://www.facebook.com/TheGingerBilly/videos/418583288763076/ 

 

Edited August 2, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

........keeps the "pedal to the metal" to ensure she gets past the danger zone, without incurring holes in the bodywork. But there came the day when Cappys stray shot downed an Embraer ERJ-190 on final to RWY 05/23 at Wagga Wagga airport (serious avref).

 

It wasn't so much the fact that he took down the Embraer with a stray shot - it was the fact that the Minister for Infrastructure, Transport and Regional Development (political avref) just happened to be on board, and he was visiting Wagga Wagga to see what.........

 

Edited August 2, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

......the infrastructure and development. “Do you have any development around here?” He asked, and up stepped Loxie, Jose in hand and ......

[Captain]

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......the infrastructure and development. “Do you have any development around here?” He asked, and up stepped Loxie, Jose in hand and ......

......... this was when the Loxie & José affair came (Loxie&Joseref) to national prominence after Loxie chose to compete in the National Firies Games as a transitioning female weightlifter & hammerthrower.

 

The MFIT&RD was also fascinated by the physics of it all, plus he was a bit of a pervert (Turboref) as aforeto he was only interested in building, roads and other similar xxxx, but now he asked some rather pointed questions (under the cover of parliamentary privilege) about the snip & the positions used by Loxie & José when they .........

Edited August 3, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

....did the Firies Tango, dance moves. "Oh, we're very entertaining to watch, when we do the Firies Horizontal Tango, complete with my fire hose extended - in fact, it tends to diminish the firefighting efforts, as the others drop their hoses to watch!"

 

"Good God", exclaimed the Minister, looking shocked. "I had no idea that the firies of Wagga Wagga indulged in such antics, surely that must be......

[Captain]

..... a highlight when done under the spotlights on the stage during Karaoke at the BOB, and a bit of a distraction at the Weightlifting at the Olympics when his snatch ......

Edited August 3, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......was off by 50 mm and he completely missed the bar, with one of the weight landing on his axia crucium which caused him excruciating pain, and Loxie ..........................

[turboplanner]

.....had to be helped home by Turbo. As usual Loxie deputised Turbo to come up with a story, she threw her hands in the air knowing that Loxie didn't get that injury from reading books in the Library, and went to bed. Loxie cracked a couple of stubbies, and told the strangest of stories.

 

He said, "As you probably know, Cappy, in his Avatar shows his country as Guinea Bissau." and went on to say he'd noticed Guinea Bissau, of "Biss" to the locals was number 43 in the world in containing Covid-19, followed by Australia. This was due to Cappy blubbering to the CEO of Pfizer, a personal friend, about a needy African country, and the whole population had been vaccinated before March 2021 and were back on the cocktail circuit.

 

Guinea-Bissau had been discovered by Sir Lancelot Cook in 1492 who took the worst photos he could and went back to the Secretary of the British Department of New Countries, Sir William Halfpenny-Jones, showed him the photos of the poor quality of the land, and offered England a dollar for it, and Sir WH-J six cases of gin for it. Sir William spoke for four hours in response raising all the difficulties of managing a country, and the loss of revenue to England and how the Minister would never consider it, but they both knew a good deal when they saw one, and Sir William drafted a document, they signed it, and he was the owner of a part of Africa. The Cooks debated all night on what to call it, and finally settled on Guinea, and Cook went down to the Registry of New Countries in the Mall next morning and Registered the name "Guinea". The Public Servant meant to enter it in the register, but he was on the phone for three hours explaining how the monetary system for Canada would work and forgot, and so the name was registered for another country as Guinea, then another one New Guinea. It didn't matter for the next ten years, and then Cook struck Oil and the rest is history. Suddenly he needed a different name and added the hyphen Bissau to disguise its English origins.

A few centuries later one of his descendants, Captain James Cook made himself famous then hopped into the women in the hills around Honolulu. If he'd just gone back to England there would have been no problem, but he came back and did it again, and the Hawaiians threatened to sue the british governmemnt for all the half-breed offspring hanging arond the streets, so he had to go. The history books tell us that Cook was speared by natives and is buried inland, but, Loxie said, a deal was struck where he would disappear. The crew told the natives to leave some evidence on the back and they would come up with a story, but the Captain was never to be seen again. The crew were actually a dumb lot, and carried Cook's precise navigation instruments to the beach instead of a bloodied blue coat. Loxie was on holidays in Honolulu and saw them in the Museum, and gradually put together the real story. Cook opted to go to Guinea-Bisstau, where of course he was never heard of again, and Cappy ..........

 

[Captain]

...... is exhausted after reading, interpreting & précising Turbo's massive tome.

 

And Ratty is also worried, as his best, closest & most trusted mate, Turbo, has obviously taken more than twice the normal dose of his pills, so his webster pack has again been .......

 

 

PS ..... Turbo thinks that his webster pack is actually for Noelene Webster who is in room 32 just down the hall.

Edited August 4, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....tampered with, and someone inserted a major number of "talky-talky" pills, thus setting Turbo off on an outburst of loquaciousness, such as would do Alan Jones proud. But it wasn't enough for Turbo to write up such an enormous length tome for the NES - No Sir, he just happened to stumble across an open radio microphone, and set off on a monologue that stunned listeners like they were dynamited fish, whereby they.......

[Captain]

..... floated to the surface, flapped about aimlessly gasping for air (most of Tink's longish posts have that effect) and fearing another long pronouncement from Turdboy, said "That will be another half hour of my life that I'll never get back, so I sure do hope that he restrains himself and loquacts (the little known verb of the noun "loquacious") a lot less while he .......

Edited August 4, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...z...........

Edited August 4, 2021 by turboplanner

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...z...........

..... zzzzzzzzzz's away out on the verandah in the morning sun (Melbournistan jokeref), dreams of Noelene & her very desirable full pack, and recalls his glory days running the Aussie trucking industry and being a brave SAAA & AUF flyboy (avref) where Turbo was the great hope of the side to negotiate an agreement for the SAAA/AUF to cooperate for the combined benefit of their members.

 

This was a bigger job than reuniting the 2 Koreas, but Turbs was up to the task and took the simple yet dynamic approach that he would just buy them both and include them as subsidiaries of his very successful Turbine and Northern Territory Air Services (TANTAS) or the rebirth of Turbine Australian Airways (a remake of the much adored TAA) where the ......

Edited August 4, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........Ads produced by TurbineMedia showed his old gilrfriend who............