The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..........Ads produced by TurbineMedia showed his old gilrfriend who............

...... was a hostie & a hottie on the 756D Viscounts.

 

Turbo's decision for TAA to continue to fly the latest 816T Viscounts in 2021 was derided by Ricky Branson, but Ricky had always lacked vision, and this initiative turned out to be one of Turbo's usual masterstrokes (Turboselfabuseref) when the Covid restrictions were removed and TAA found that they .......

 

A WAX MODEL OF TINK'S OLD GIRLFRIEND

IN THE TAA MUSEUM. That stare as you

entered the aircraft was always a bit disarming.

Edited August 4, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

3 hours ago, Captain said:

A WAX MODEL OF TINK'S OLD GIRLFRIEND

IN THE TAA MUSEUM. That stare as you

entered the aircraft was always a bit disarming.

It has now come to light during a police investigation by one of the 3 coppers on the east coast who are not involved in Covid enforcement, that a section of that wax model's uniform may have been "interfered with", and perhaps "soiled". DNA samples have been taken and a leading Melbournistan business leader & corporate head is expected to be interviewed in cuming days.

Edited August 5, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

46 minutes ago, Captain said:

It has now come to light during a police investigation by one of the 3 coppers on the east coast who are not involved in Covid enforcement, that a section of that wax model's uniform may have been "interfered with", and perhaps "soiled". DNA samples have been taken and a leading Melbournistan business leader & corporate head is expected to be interviewed in cuming days.

In a further announcement at 12 noon today (East coast proper time), it was divulged that Police are unsure at this stage whether the "Interference" and/or "soiling" occurred pre or post the wax modelling.

 

"Erky Perky" commented the police spokesperson.

Edited August 5, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

He need not have worried; the material was found to be make up used on the dummy. Turbo was reminded of the real thing, a classy hostie that turned heads in the street, or the streets that Cappy lurked in, and........

[onetrack]

....unbeknowns to both Turbo and Cappy, She was actually a He, but hid it very well. Then came the night when Turbo took her to his room, and the passion turned torrid. But in the meantime, OT, being quite knowledgable in these things, had informed Cappy that the stunning hostie was actually a He. This sent Cappy racing to Turbo's room, banging on the door in desperation, yelling out, "TURBO!! SHE'S A HE!! SHE'S A HE!!!"

 

The door opened, and there was Turbo, in his bathrobe, looking quite miffed, and he glared at Cappy, and said........"

[Captain]

...... "I'm told that she's got an "outy" and not an "iny" (NTTIAWWTBTW), with plans to be a celebrity weight lifter at the ........."

[turboplanner]

......World Championships"

"You shouldn't listen to OT's rumours" said Turbo, "you'll go blind" and he opened the door a bit wider, which removed no doubt that OT was terribly wrong.

Cappy, now embarrassed headed for the bar where OT was ..............

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

......World Championships"

"You shouldn't listen to OT's rumours" said Turbo, "you'll go blind" and he opened the door a bit wider, which removed no doubt that OT was terribly wrong.

Cappy, now embarrassed headed for the bar where OT was ..............

 

.......... pole dancing (for cash and favours) in a very skimpy flight suit, and where he had .........

Edited August 6, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....  been telling a goup of backpackers how he walked the Tanami track, eating lizards and blowflies, and .....

 

[CT9000]

.......just about managed to remind the NES followers that the aviation thread has been lost again and maybe we could drift back. Speaking of drifting I saw a car, whoops here we go again. sorry, flight suit.....

[Captain]

42 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....  been telling a goup of backpackers how he walked the Tanami track, eating lizards and blowflies, and .....

 

...... had crossed the Simpson on his knees, in an act of penance, while dragging a wooden JC sized cross to Golgotha (actually it was to Big Red) and then ........

Edited August 7, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........borrowed and old FC from an Aboriginal tribe and drove to Launceston where..............

[onetrack]

.....he found an abandoned Auster AOP MkIII in a farm shed, and rebuilt it singlehandedly to flying condition (serious avref), utilising whatever materials and spares were available within the local area, and using only a 9/16" x 1/2" ring spanner, a pair of 8' electrical pliers, a 10" Vise-Grip (note correct spelling), just two flat blade screwdrivers, and a 10" adjustable shifter.

Fabric for the wing recovering was acquired from a dumped lounge suite and chairs, giving the wings a cute appearance with the chintz pattern material.

 

Once completed, OT took off in the now fully airworthy Auster from the small grass paddock in front of the shed, and the Auster was flown back to the mainland, and landed successfully at Moorabbin after a completely uneventful flight.

Immediately Turbo spotted the Auster he fell in love with it. "It's the chintz pattern wings that make it so cute and attractive!", he said. "I've got to have it! What will you take for it, and do you.......

[turboplanner]

.......deliver?"

"Where do you want it delivered?" asked OT.

"Tasmania" replied Turbo.

A deal was struck in Quokka eggs which can be frozen and are delicious in summer salads and quite expensive, and OT headed back to the airfield. At the airfield was not Turbo, but Epaulette, jumping up and down in that expectant little way when he's about to rip you a new one.

"There was no good morning and welcome to Tasmania, home of the free" just a quick. "Do you think that's airworthy?"

OT thought it was a joke because he was always doing things like that; replacing the Harley seat with the top of a bar stool, installing a toilet window in the rear of his car, and many pieces of farm machinery in the west where the original maker would be turning in his grave,  for example his 350 hp Versatile was fine for broadacre farming but he wanted much widers scarifiers and drills so he turfed the egine out and fitted a marine diesel that used to drive the Grong Grong Power Station in NSW; the old Chamberlain would do 70 mph on the flat at 950 rpm now.

OT had the magic touch, because everything he built, as odd as it looked, worked, and that's where he made his mistake, He came back at Epaulette with "Why do you want to know,......Admiral, and that's when .................................

[Captain]

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

a pair of 8' electrical pliers,

That's some serious pliering and crimping.

 

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

He came back at Epaulette with "Why do you want to know,......Admiral, and that's when ............

........ she responded with her master stroke "Where is your mask, as don't you know that we are all in this together, and .........

[onetrack]

....how did you get into Tassie, anyway? The place is locked down to Mainlanders! They're disease-carrying troublemakers! Didn't you know we've introduced a Tasmanian Passport?"

 

"I'm returning to my regular holiday home, as I own a holiday house in Launceston", said OT smoothly. "I regularly spend time there, so I qualify for a dual-citizenship passport. Any further questions?"

 

"No - so, that's alright, then", said Epaulette gruffly. "But make sure you get tested on arrival! We can't afford have anything slipping in, and affecting our current virus-free status!"

 

"Not a problem", said OT as he cranked up the Gipsy Major and set course for Launceston with his precious case of Quokka eggs. But along the way, he had second thoughts about Turbo's deal and decided to open the box and take a look at the eggs. He was horrified to find that that crafty Turbo had substituted Wombat poo for Quokka eggs, and he'd been conned completely. Turbo obviously thought OT wouldn't know the difference, but OT knows his sh** - particularly square sh**.  He started to plan his revenge, and it would be ........

 

 

(Dear NES readers - It's good to see that Cappy's alert old eyes picked up the rare and important tool always needed for Auster repairs. In fact, the Auster electrical/crimping tool is so famous, it has been utilised for a roadside display. Here we have a photo of the full size 8' Auster pliers, plus a photo of OT holding a smaller variety produced by Snap-On, who tried to muscle in on the large Auster plier market)

 

 

 

Edited August 7, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.......a long time coming because OT's planning was tainted by OT's need to drink a pint of apple cider for every thought, and only one out of then of those was a workable one. West Australian NES readers will remember his homebuilt aircraft which took 17 years to complete, where he'd fitted a Jabiru engine in pusher configuration. First time it started it cut the fuselage off behind the engine, and the other .......................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.......a long time coming because OT's planning was tainted by OT's need to drink a pint of apple cider for every thought, and only one out of then of those was a workable one. West Australian NES readers will remember his homebuilt aircraft which took 17 years to complete, where he'd fitted a Jabiru engine in pusher configuration. First time it started it cut the fuselage off behind the engine, and the other .......................

......... time he started it after the rebuild it did the same thing.

 

"I knew there was something I should have changed in that design" said OT with his usual Biden-like stare, then he looked down at his 2 piece kit and said, like everyone else does "It must be Jab's fault as it couldn't possible be ............ 'um add 30 second blank pause here ............ 'um, what was I about to say? And who are you? Have the visitor's gone yet?"

 

As all NES'ers would by now realize, this is very unusual behavior by OT, who is usually as sharp as a tack and he was immediately defended by numerous wrecks on Wreck Flying, including by Eeeeeeaan  who for some reason considers OT a very valuable member (but crickets from Turbo and CT who appear willing to cut OT adrift based on this single lapse ... {what a pair of disloyal XXXXs ..... Q.E.D. Mextorians}).

 

The defense of our dear friend and colleague (OT) was vociferous, elicited numerous donations and continued for .........

 

PS - Thanks to OT for his kind explanation re the big pliers. but this just posed more questions than it answered, as what has he been doing with that ear bud (erky perky perhaps? and no wonder he is going blind?) and is that a use that should be reported to authorities (or will Apple report it automatically when they interrogate his phone?)

Edited August 7, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......three months by which time $56.23 had been raised and it was decided ...........

[Captain]

33 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......three months by which time $56.23 had been raised and it was decided ...........

..... that we should all hit the turps in a $56.23 spending spree.

 

The party was wild and once paralytic, OT asked "Are we hitting the turps or hitting the Turbs ........ or both?"

 

bull put his hand up (even after being told not to do that by a number of attendees) and commented "..........

Edited August 8, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.......I'll volunteer to put that kit wreck of OT's back together! It's obvious he just needs more friends and helpers with good advice, because he doesn't seem to have enough on the NES?"

 

"That's just plain outstanding of you to volunteer to do that", said OT. "Part of the problem with the kit was, all the previous advice I got was from Turbo, and of course, in his aged brain, he started to forget whether I was building an aircraft, or a truck, or a speedcar - and he started giving me a bum steer with all this conflicting advice, that wasn't even remotely related to aircraft kit building!

I mean to say, who gives out advice on the importance of fifth-wheel placement, when you're trying to align a tailplane on an aircraft? Then he started talking about the importance of wing positioning, and I thought he meant the aircraft kit wing, and he was talking about a wing on a speedcar!"

 

"Yeah, that's the problem with the Mexicans now", said bull, with a knowing look. "The virus has wrecked their thought processes, it's gone rampant through their State and communities, and now they think they can.........

 

Edited August 8, 2021 by onetrack

[Captain]

20 hours ago, onetrack said:

"Yeah, that's the problem with the Mexicans now", said bull, with a knowing look. "The virus has wrecked their thought processes, it's gone rampant through their State and communities, and now they think they can ........

........ still chuck their weight around like they used to. But NO, NO, NO (said bull with statesmanship & force while standing, looking like a cross between Billy Hughes and Uncle Fester) ......... as we all know, Tasmania and Western Australia are virus free and we are taking control. Cantberra will be shut down and the new centres of administration of the Commonwealth, now to be renamed the "Commondebt", will be located in Zeehan and Southern Cross, where Onesie and I will take control by .........

Edited August 8, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

Declaring these locations colonies of Guinea-Bissau using the flag borrowed from the Torries Strait Islanders which features the rear end of a bull, but with more brown and green, and ......

[Captain]

33 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Declaring these locations colonies of Guinea-Bissau using the flag borrowed from the Torries Strait Islanders which features the rear end of a bull, but with more brown and green, and ......

.... a lot more reliance on .....

[turboplanner]

.....the real intent of the flag. This will be done by replacing the star with a ...................