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The Never Ending Story


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22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......submit to a daily stoning at the Bone Water Park.

"I TOLD you not to serve yesterday's sausages to that XXXXXXX bull!" hissed Alice to Sheryl.

"How was I to know the XXXX would become Minister for Health?" replied Scheryl, I thought we'd XXXXXX him off to Tassie.

And Alice's named was called .........................

 

...... to be member # 1 of bull's harem (Doctors warned that 3 would most likely kill him).

 

"I shall defend you Alice" declared the CT, who had hightailed it into the hills around Daraweit Guim and had taken on the roll of "Sahara" (see below) to bravely lead the resistance against bull and Anna's and Dan's mobs.

 

The CT's blonde hair (but does the carpet match the drapes) was flowing and his boob job looked real (but was actually kevlar body armor) and his 1st mission was seen as a ........

 

See photo of the CT below on the hastily printed flyer (avref)

that was part of his first propaganda leaflet drop (avref).

See the source image

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"......Turbo tries to rustle cattle." He may be the KE champion of the world, and the warm up act for Reno next year when he's going to KE the whole circuit, but I cam head them off if he tries anythi

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........minor. Not many people know that Geelong originated from a tin mine which was discovered by William Buckley, one of the founders of the Buckley and Nunn Emporium. Bucks was out digging ya

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........breeze. Going to bone, finding the Water Park, grabbing bull by the scruff of the neck and removing his power.

While this sound like an easy job, no one had counted on the border war between CQ and FNQ where in some places brother was fighting brother ................

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13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........breeze. Going to bone, finding the Water Park, grabbing bull by the scruff of the neck and removing his power.

While this sound like an easy job, no one had counted on the border war between CQ and FNQ where in some places brother was fighting brother ................

.......... and that was just the Siamese Twins in Emerald who were belting the tripe out of each other.

 

Elsewhere bull was ..........

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....running for his life; with Sahara hot on his heels.

He fired a shot back over his shoulder and Sahara fell to the ground, bounced once and rolled over.

bull raced back ready to finish her off, but as he got there he detected shallow breathing, and then POP, the Kevlar bounced out and the bullet hit him in the upper thigh.

bull lost all feeling below ....................................

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17 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

bull lost all feeling below ........

..... his corpus cavernosum, so he looked down and said "XXXX", but then quickly added ".....

Edited by Captain
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.....'tis just a scratch! Doesn't bother me one little bit! But when he tried to get up, he found .......

 

Edited by onetrack
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On 21/08/2021 at 12:39 PM, Captain said:

made Bull think of the early days,some of onesie,s landing where very entertaining and..........https://studio.youtube.com/video/7hGY8Qjx-Fg/edit   ...he never failed to entertain, Here are some of Onesie,s best landings and the other idiot i think was Captain in an earlier life. Anyway back to the story.......                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       .'tis just a scratch! Doesn't bother me one little bit! But when he tried to get up, he found ...that his pain was caused by his ...........

 

mag men flying machines - Copy.VOB

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1 hour ago, bull said:

...that his pain was caused by his ......

......... overly tight .....

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Meanwhile, spring has sprung and the annual rut is in full swing in Daraweit Guim, with the result that our beloved CT9000 has 9000 ruting bunnies going crazy on his strip (see the below photo taken just this morning).

 

For those unfamiliar with the annual rut at DG (and the same thing also happens at most B&S Balls out bush), the rut (from the Latin rugire, which I know that many speak regularly here on Wreck Flying (blessed are the cheesemakers etc) meaning "to roar") is the mating season of certain mammals (and humans [Ratso's edit]), which includes ruminants such as deer, sheep, camels, goats, pronghorns, bison, giraffes and antelopes, and extends to others such as skunks (SAAA avref) and elephants. The rut is characterized in males by an increase in testosterone, exaggerated sexual dimorphisms (Turboref) and increased aggression and interest in females (typical B&S behavior after a tinny or 2). The males of the species may mark themselves with mud (Saltyref), undergo physiological changes or perform characteristic displays in order to make themselves more visually appealing (Turbo'sCorvetteref) to the females. Males also use olfaction to entice females to mate using secretions (erkyperkyref) from glands and soaking in their own urine (OT, CT & bull ref).

 

The CT was embarrassed to watch these displays as his binoculars hurt his eyes after an hour or 2 and his back always gets sore from mimicking their positions.

 

 

THE DG BUNNY RUT IN FULL SWING

FB_IMG_1629673736979.jpg

Edited by Captain
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...but he banged away as best he could, and by the end of the day after he'd skinned and gutted them he culd hardly walk.

The following day it started all over again and ..............

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6 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...but he banged away as best he could, and by the end of the day after he'd skinned and gutted them he culd hardly walk.

The following day it started all over again and ..............

... CT was getting a cramp in his hand after all that ......

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.............start flying sharper turns and tighter loops to try and nail as many of those rutting rabbits as he could (and NES readers need to take note that it's pronounced "rutt-ing", not "root-ing", as the word is often corrupted into), while their attention was diverted by the females (Cappyref).

 

It was when Cappy made the mistake of calling them "rooting rabbits", that CT interjected, "You think they're rooted! You oughta be in MY place! I'm knackered after all this intensive aerial dispatch flying, and weapon handling and reloading! I need a .......

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.......new rifle this bolt action 10 shot is a bit slow maybe a 50 shot auto might be handy.......

 

 

 

small correction to yesterdays ref to my flowing locks of golden hair, Statement of truth here, I have a full head of hair just like a bowling ball.

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53 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

small correction to yesterdays ref to my flowing locks of golden hair, Statement of truth here, I have a full head of hair just like a bowling ball.

BREAKING NEWS - CT affirms that he is SAHARA and confirms that he wears a long flowing blonde wig.

Many other questions remain unanswered. 

 

OIP.Ye4PvDZ4NZcvr8-X2FchjwAAAA?pid=ImgDe

 

 

Edited by Captain
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.............when the annual rabbit multiplication takes place and I can get 50 before they all get back to their burrows.

Now those who know rabbits know they don't stay down those burrows any longer than they have to, and the best way to get them shooting out skyward is to put a ferret down.

You can buy ferrets from Turbine Ferrets Inc. for $50 a pair, and they come with instructions to spray the ferrets bright fluoro green, to avoid those embarrassing moments when the last rabbit out is a ferret. What has made Turbine Ferrets a household word in the Ferret world is that each pair comes with a complimentary butchers chainmail glove for handling.

 

Turbo still remembers the day he inspected a neighbour's ferret and was told to just put his hand in the top of the box and grab the ferret under the shoulders. The XXXXXXX ferret grabbed Turbos middle finger and sank its teeth to the bone and Turbo had to shake it for five minutes until the XXXXXXX thing let go.

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2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo still remembers the day he inspected a neighbour's ferret and was told to just put his hand in the top of the box and grab the ferret under the shoulders. The XXXXXXX ferret grabbed Turbos middle finger and sank its teeth to the bone and Turbo had to shake it for five minutes until the XXXXXXX thing let go. .....

..... and since that time, Turbo has always insisted that a nurse be present before he will give his ferret a run ........, hence his formation of Turbine Lowcut Nurse's Uniforms PL and ......

 

PS- Turbo breaks his own rules, as his ferret is not bright green. His is a sort of dirty brownish & purple colour .......... but he certainly does need to shake it for 5 or more minutes after giving it a run.

Edited by Captain
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........Turbine Industries Ferret-Handling Equipment Inc. Turbo realised within seconds of the ferret sinking its teeth into his finger, that the market for properly-designed ferret-handling tools would be huge.

 

Accordingly (after his finger had healed), Turbo came up with ferret-handling tools, all loosely based around current workshop tooling. There was the "ferret neck-clamp", based on a large pair of multi-grips, the "ferret muzzle", which utilised radiator hose clamps, the "ferret carry bag", produced from a slightly modified truck tool bag.

 

Then there was the "ferret sock", made from a repurposed air cleaner pre-filter. The list of ferret handling and control tools became so long, it warranted the production of its own catalogue.

Of course, in line with the ferret tooling, there was also a line of Turbine Ferrets Inc, fluoro jackets, gloves, and boots (to prevent toes from being nipped, as thongs were quite undesirable in this line of work, despite 99% of Victorians preferring to wear thongs at all times - even when ferreting).

 

The fluoro jacket and gloves and boot colouring was just as important as the fluoro colouring for the Turbine ferrets - because it also prevented the ferret handlers being mis-identified by enthusiastic DG aerial bunny-poppers, as "the biggest rabbits they'd ever seen!!"

 

However, there came the day when one of the Turbine ferrets got into the DG CWA henhouse, and promptly killed 6 young chickens. The outrage from the CWA ladies could be heard in Moorabbin, and it was only a matter of time before the CWA ladies presented Turbo with........

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1 hour ago, onetrack said:

However, there came the day when one of the Turbine ferrets got into the DG CWA henhouse, and promptly killed 6 young chickens. The outrage from the CWA ladies could be heard in Moorabbin, and it was only a matter of time before the CWA ladies presented Turbo with........

...... an ultimatum ... and everyone knows that when the CWA chicks are on your case, you accede.

 

However Turbs valiantly pushed back, and with good reason.

 

"Listen you CWA chicky-babes" Turbo said (bravely) "My ferrets deserve a feed of chooks before they need to head down into the DG bunny burrows, as how would you like to meet one of those big buck bunnies, as shown below, coming back the other way and on the offensive? I have lost an entire brace of ferrets this week and every one has been impaled on the buck's antlers then eaten by the other bunnies, which have turned carnivorous. The CT is in grave danger I reckon"

 

But our brave CT was defiant and could only say "F.......

 

 

ONE OF THE HIGHLY DANGEROUS ALPHA BUCKS, GUARDING HIS BURROW AT DG.

If you look carefully you can still see parts of one of Turbo's rotted ferrets stuck on one of his tines.

See the source image

Edited by Captain
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VITAL NOTICE - Airservices have today issued a NOTAM for the CT's strip at Darweit Guim International, due to the rabbit burrows now being enlarged to twice the size of a wombat's hole (burrow not his hole), due to the size of their antlers (average 3 ft span over the 6 pointers) and the fact that the average size of the new DG carniverous bunnies is 4 ft at the shoulder.

 

The NOTAM reads, and I quote "XXX15 VV5784 FHHHGAART DF'NG BEW DG INTL BCK BIG HO LE NO FLY NO MO RE U CUM BCK LTR BIG TIME, SO BU CK OFF XXVV77845 EGTT/QMR XX/IV/NBO/A/000/ 999/5129N00028W005".

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........."help!, help!" as he was slowly dragged into a burrow. There was only one thing to do; he raced for the shed pumped four litres of diesel into an open drum, flung it down the borrow and lit a match and threw it down. There was a loud "WHUMP!!!!!!!" and magically the burrow line opened up and there was CT, all his hair scorched off, his clothes burnt away but still breathing.

 

Before Turbo could react, the savage buck charged, his needle sharp antlers pointed at Turbo's vitals, but Turbo had seen this happen before and jammed the drum over the antlers. The ig buck, now blind but seeing legs turned and charged, this time at Cappy who had been cutting his nose hairs using a mirror from a specual pocket of his safari jacket.

 

A 20 litre drum in the nuts at full rabbit speed is not a pleasant experience and Cappyu doubled over, screaming in pain.

All pretense of the stiff upper lip and the strength of the British Raj was gone and Cappy was moaning on the ground. Turbo knew the vicious little stag would impale him with its antlers, and so to save his friend he stepped into the path of the Stag, and copped a bucket in the nuts for his trouble, but he was made of sterner stuff and tried to wring the stag's neck using the bucket as leverage, but the bucket came loose and he was facing the sharp antlers and vicious growl of an oversize male rabbit. As it came at hom he stepped aside, grabbed an antler, broke its neck, skun it as he piroueted, fling its guts out with the force, and quietly started building a fire for a meal of stag.

 

CT .........

 

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11 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

CT .........

...... was impressed. "XXXX me" he said loudly, and flashed his ..........

Edited by Captain
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......nice friendly smile, we don't wear thongs here in chairman Dan's state. We wear Chinese safety boots......

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Further information here no sir they are definitely not cheap canvas shoes but are confirmed 100% cheap plastic

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