The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

SITE ANNOUNCEMENT AND COMMENDATION - THE OWNER, ADMINISTRATORS AND MODERATORS OF WRECK FLYING WISH TO THANK AND ACKNOWLEDGE OUR BELOVED CAPTAIN FOR HIS POST, JUST 7 BEFORE THIS ONE, WHERE HE MADE NUMEROUS AVREFS IN HIS USUAL UNDERSTATED YET CLASSY MANNER. IN DOING SO HE MAINTAINED THE TONE, THE CHARTER AND THE "VIBE" OF THIS SITE, FOR WHICH WE THANK AND ADMIRE HIM.

Edited September 3, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....purple was the colour of the Bone Stonefishes, the local footy team in bone, where tey painted the main pub purple, and thye RSL bar purple, and the taxi purple, and the cop car purple (although that had to be repainted after a Commissioner from the South came up and blew his stack. So the 9 hp Ronaldson Tippett was ordered, and arrived on The Princess in Devonport. bull sensed he might have made a mistake when he noticed the Princess riding low at the stern, and sure enough......................

..... he was right (and as a result he was also XXXXed) but that never stopped bull from plowing ahead with his .......

 

PS - Further to Turb's explanation about stone fish, purple is also the colour that your leg goes after you step on one, and just before they amputate it. (Another vital fact brought to you by Qld Tourism .... Beautiful one day, highly venomous the next).

Edited September 3, 2021 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....aims to make a 39HP Ronaldson Tippett work as an aircraft power plant. (Note - bull made just a slight error on the order form, he thought he was ordering a 9HP, but due to his poor eyesight, he ordered a 39HP instead). He set about lightening the Ronaldson Tippett with a 230mm angle grinder, a mill bastard file, and a set of good Chinese vernier calipers.

 

Meantimes, OT was pondering over Turbos unusual statement ... 

 

"The possums had nested in it (the Scout) and left a big brown stain, and the baric had started to rot ...."

 

OT was puzzled as how the Board of Airline Representatives of Cyprus (BARIC) had become involved in bulls Scout. OT has to agree, the BARIC is rotting from the inside out, and Larnaca airport is a basket case, but it's a long way from Tassie to Larnaca, and if bull is attempting that length of flight, he'll need.......

 

 

Edited September 4, 2021 by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.....to let someone else fly him there.

Not many people know that after a brush with BARIC, you pine for a chance to return tho CASA. In this case bull had bought the Scout from a retired peasant in Cyprus sight unseen and the large lettering came as a surprise. There were no numbers; BARIC didn't care who owned it or who flew it, they just nobbled the person flying it at the time.

 

It had been a great aircaft, economical to run, and even though the cruise speed was 40 knots, it would still get you there if you were patient or didn't have a head wind of 40 knots, which quite often ...............

[onetrack]

....was the case in bull's neck of the woods, where the only thing you had to worry about on liftoff, was not the wind direction, but the speed of the wind.

You only have to worry about if it's just a regular 40 kts, or whether it's a Force 9 gale, which happens every 3rd day, and which means not only the aircraft have to be tied down, the hangar roof has to be tied down as well.

But these small irritations are nothing to the intrepid Scout flyers of Tasmania, who simply regard gale-force winds as a "liftoff assistance device".

They normally utilise large open paddocks (of which, there are 11 in Tasmania) so they can point the Scout into the gale, untie it, and take off like a JATO-assisted C130, achieving speeds of..........

[turboplanner]

...........-40, -60, -90 or whatever the case may be.

bull, being a very astute Ultralight Flyer with years of experience without harming a hair on his head (a convenient way of not having to mentioned 16 broken arms, five broken legs, six broken ass bones, resulting in a walk like a mud crab), had subscribed to "Turbo's family-friendly lessons on how to fly an Ultralight (available in braille)", and was usually first to arrive at any fly in, because he picked the ones that were (a) downwind and (b) when a gale was blowing and simply took off into wind and let God's Angels carry him to the fly in.

Not surprisingly God's Angels P!!ssed off just as he had to land, when he was looking back over his shoulder, but the Scout made the fly ins when the plastic blobs couldn't cut the mustard and that gave bull a reputation like .................

[onetrack]

.......Tom Cruise and Arnie combined. But the reputation of bull's that really counted, was his reputation amongst the ladies. They would line up whenever the Scout appeared for a landing, like a flock of pigeons when they spotted a bag of grain being spilt.

As soon as bull landed, they would be throwing themselves at him, clawing at his clothes, like teenagers throwing themselves at rock stars at a rock concert.

Then came that terrible day when one excited young lady threw her panties in the air, as bull made a low pass to check out the airfield conditions - and the panties wrapped themselves around his face.

What made it worse was, the girl wasn't exactly your "slim, model type" - she came from good farming stock, and she was built like a rugby fullback - and she wore "plus size" panties - size 18, to be precise - and these extra-large panties wrapped around bulls face like a towel, blinding him almost completely.

Luckily, they were sheer material, so he did end up with about 5% vision still, as he struggled to remove them from his face, and keep control of the Scout at the same time.

He finally got the panties free enough to see the sight of..........

[turboplanner]

......their owner mooning him from the airfield.

Terrified at the sight, bull gave the Scout full throttle, not realising he was supposed to be landing backwards. With that horrible image staring back at him he lost his presence of mind, and froze when it stayed in frame. He had reach equilibrium with the wind. He looked around at the horizon, but it was STILL there and he wasn't any closer to landing. He ............

[bull]

decided to activate the jackaroo,s return to home feature, Well as with most of Bull,s schemes this did not go according to plan as the mighty jackaroo started to.......................                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   [avref]      

Edited September 5, 2021 by bull

[Captain]

..... yaw .......

[turboplanner]

.......n as the skin peeled back. Then it dropped like a rock, out of control. bull's life ushed before his eyes, the bone water tanks, the sh!t beach, the RSL where Madge forced him to leave Queensland, the cute airfield close to town, the garden with all the succulents and no paths, a mango, mud crab for dinner, the oppressive heat, the trip through Victoria where he met educated people for the first time, the respect for women, the knowledge, just a pity none of them could speak English, then the trip to Tasmania, back to uncouth people with a chip on their shoulder.............he was only halfway through the journey when there was a tremendous "THUMP", and through the dust he saw a chicken wearing a red Labor T Shirt and ....................

 

 

[For this story Turbo has drawn inspiration from the larger than life fiction out on the main site and a couple of Disney stories.]

[onetrack]

......a group of protestors holding up placards and balloons and chanting, "NO RECREATIONAL AIRCRAFT NOISE IN DARRAWEIT GUIM". Bull was stunned, disoriented and shaken.

This couldn't be Hell, it was too green. Yet it was full of Labor voters and protest groups, so it must be Hell. But then again, they were chanting about Darraweit Guim, so he must still be alive, and on Earth.

He took off his helmet as all the dust drifted away, and it was only then he realised that he was sitting amongst a pile of fabric and twisted tubes, and the a*** was gone out of his best pair of shorts. He gasped and.........

[turboplanner]

.........tried to cover his bare rear as he realised he was sitting in the front yard of DG Catholic Girls College and fiftees girls were standing there satring at him and tittering.

 

bull wasn't gay, but what Madge had done to him had cured him from any temptation, so he started sliding backwards away from them, his rear starting to bleed on the asphalt. He would gladly give up the remains of his Jackaroo for an old pushbike to get out of DG fast.

 

"BANGGGGGGGG!!! ........................."

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

"BANGGGGGGGG!!! .........

........ Madge did it again, just for old time's sake (but after the young girls had gone. (Ratso assumes that they were young girls as they were described as tittering and not saggering (Mavisref)).

 

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

DG Catholic Girls College and fiftees girls were standing there satring at him and tittering.

It is also unclear if these DGCGC girls were from the "fifties" (Turboref) or were fifteen y.o.a. (possiblepaedoref) or if there were "one score less 5" of them that were satring at him.

 

But nevertheless, NES readers will be transfixed by this aspect of the story and will be very pleased to see that one of our stars of the NES, our beloved bull, has been banged again to within an inch of his life, by such a big Banggggggggg, and this meant that Mavis, bull and the young girls were ...........

Edited September 6, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....................an item, not that he would necessarily welcome the prospect of ........................

[Captain]

3 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....................an item, not that he would necessarily welcome the prospect of ........................

..... a clash of ......

[turboplanner]

..................weapons a...........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

..................weapons a...........

.......bandoned by a major power as part of their leaving DG after 20 long years of ........

[turboplanner]

..................service to the grazing industry, and also leaving the biggest population of rabbits in the Southern Hemisphere to breed like ......rabbits.

 

 

Now it might seem hard to understand that a few ladies could be described as a weapon, but the sight of bull staggering down Darraweit Em Street wouold remove all doubt. He was obviously incapable of harming anyone any more; even the rabbits weren't getting out of the way.

 

bull hobbled blindly on, heading for the DG airport, the incredible pain ...........................

 

[Captain]

44 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Now it might seem hard to understand that a few ladies could be described as a weapon, but the sight of bull staggering down Darraweit Em Street wouold remove all doubt. He was obviously incapable of harming anyone any more; even the rabbits weren't getting out of the way.

 

bull hobbled blindly on, heading for the DG airport, the incredible pain ......

........ and chafing were too ......

Edited September 7, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......distracting and he wandered into the local sawmill where the sound of the saw reminded him of Mavis's singing in the RSL Club on nights where the artists didn't show, and he shuddered and started to run blindly, but tripped over a rabbit and fell face down on a dog turd on the footpath. "......................................

[Captain]

23 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......distracting and he wandered into the local sawmill where the sound of the saw reminded him of Mavis's singing in the RSL Club on nights where the artists didn't show, and he shuddered and started to run blindly, but tripped over a rabbit and fell face down on a dog turd on the footpath. "......................................

...... "Welcome to Darraweit Guim" said the Mayor (who was also the CT that posts in the NES (occasionally)) "As this is a typical Saturday night in downtown DG, when the .......... 

Edited September 7, 2021 by Captain

[CT9000]

Ok now we have to face up to some people stretching the truth a tad. The refined readers of NES may well see through some poetic license.

1/  no aircraft noise in DG ?                                     We have three airstrips in DG

2/ Catholic girls collage ?                                         No secondary schools in DG

3/ Asphalt to crash on ?                                           Only through roads in DG are asphalt

4/ 15yo tittering girls ?                                              You might find one 15 yo

5/ Footpath ?                                                             Yeah right where?

6/ Going to the airport came across the saw mill   The saw mill is the other way

I could go on but I won't.

 

Maybee I have been conned into making a response by some very clever people just baiting

[turboplanner]

[We apologise for Cappy failing to do his research before writing about the wonderful town of DG, one of the most desirable tourist destinations in Victoria, COVID FREE, and only 10,000 rabbits]

[Captain]

3 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

[We apologise for Cappy failing to do his research before writing about the wonderful town of DG, one of the most desirable tourist destinations in Victoria, COVID FREE, and only 10,000 rabbits]

But with 1,500 residents in ICU from Mixo-19.

Edited September 7, 2021 by Captain