The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

....efforts Cappy went to every year to win the wood chopping event. It looked like a well run event, and had been for years until Loxie's father started a gambling ring, and they "turned" Cappy to win or run dead.

You knew the fix was in when you looked at the logs and saw that Cappy's was lighter (pine) and he was going to win, or darker (ironbark) and he was going to lose, and Turbo made enough money for his first investment, a rotary lawn mower design he called Victa, but his observation skills, and .........

 

[Captain]

...... the fact that Cappy-the-Champion-Woodchopper (CtCW) was using the back of the axe, failed to tell Tubb that something was terribly .....

 

CAPPY IS THE BIGGEST AND FASTEST ONE BELOW, AND THE CHICKS LOVE IT.

Edited November 3, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...wrong. Cappy at heart was an honest sort of character, except when chatting up chicks, and he was torn between making money and cheating (except with chicks like Mavis), but nobody notived he was cutting with the back of the axe. The audience was mostly worn out mothers who'd found the few seats at the show to rest and were able to turn the kids loose among the axemen hoping they'd be knocked out or at least slowed down by flying chips.

 

It was this way for Cappy for seven years until one day, when he was cutting with the handle .........................

[Captain]

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...wrong. Cappy at heart was an honest sort of character, except when chatting up chicks, and he was torn between making money and cheating (except with chicks like Mavis), but nobody notived he was cutting with the back of the axe. The audience was mostly worn out mothers who'd found the few seats at the show to rest and were able to turn the kids loose among the axemen hoping they'd be knocked out or at least slowed down by flying chips.

 

It was this way for Cappy for seven years until one day, when he was cutting with the handle .........................

..... his blows were so powerful and effective that he still won the event.

 

This is what elevated him, amongst the righteous working class men (and chicks) to be considered as a .......

[turboplanner]

............public speaker on the subject of Recreational Aircraft [avref], and ....

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

............public speaker on the subject of Recreational Aircraft [avref], and ....

..... "The Theory & Practice of Hypersonic Flight" (patents & copyright with Cappy's Fast Aircraft Inc [IPO looming]), which is the area where Ratso has been consulting at great expense (to them) to the Chinese Military for the past 10 years, resulting in the recently successful circumnavigation test. The lessons learnt are soon to be applied to Recreational Aircraft, hence the formation of CFAI, so we will all be able to flick over & back the see Onesie for a $5,000 hamburger each Saturday morning, and be back in time for the footy.

 

As Cappy often does, he opened his speech with "I hold these truths to be self evident, that the Chinese Leadership & Military are inherently non-aggressive, Covid 19 originated in frozen food that came from Greenland, Taiwan has bugger all to worry about, and Sweet & Sour Pork tastes like .........

 

 

THE ORIGINAL PATENT AS FILES BY JEDI INDUSTRIES (DRAWN BY CAPPY HIMSELF)

[FOR THE QUICK FLICK OVER TO SEE THE UNITRACK, THE RE-ENTRY WILL OCCUR 

JUST WEST OF CEDUNA, READY TO GLIDE UNDER THE MCGOWAN BORDER RADAR]

 

 

AND HERE IT IS AS STOREN AND RODGED BY A CHINESE COMPANY

NAMED STARR WALLS INDUSTLIES NO RIABIRITY

Edited November 4, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....chicken.

Not many people are aware that these days Australians buy 97% bacon from Chinese pigs raised on human excreta.

Turbine Agribusiness tried to start a piggery model feeding them on byproducts from Turbine CAT, but the human stuff is free and you can't beat that. TC even tried shaving the pigs and selling the hairs (dyed) as Alpine Mink but sales slumped.

 

You'd wonder how these people can make a success of selling Human SXXX around the world, but be so dumb as to copy Cappy's clever sheet of corrugated iron which would prevent the craft from landing.

 

Nearly as dumb as Mal Turnbull buying dud subs from the French and, ......................

 

 

[Captain]

20 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Nearly as dumb as Mal Turnbull buying dud subs from the French and, ..........

..... selling Chinese bacon that he marketed as "Fried Rice Infused", which puts a clever spin on Turbo's human excreta expose.

 

"I quite like that fried rice infusion taste in my bacon" commented OT (after all he was used to WA produce) "And I went out with a beautiful Chinese lady a few weeks ago, who used to be Eric Swalwell's spy girlfriend, and she tasted like that too, when I .......

 

ERIC WITH OT'S CHINESE LADY FRIEND. (ECKA HAD BEEN THERE 1ST)

IT WASN'T A HONEY TRAP, IT WAS A FRIED RICE TRAP.

 

 

 

PS - CORRUGATED IRON IS THE NEW KEVLAR.

Edited November 4, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

21 minutes ago, Captain said:

31 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Mal Turnbull buying dud subs from the French and, ..........

..... selling Chinese bacon that he marketed as "Fried Rice Infused", which puts a clever spin on Turbo's human excreta expose.

Mal is a tainted food marketing genius.

 

Crap at Politics and Republics, mind you.

 

But great at selling excreta.

Edited November 4, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......asked to taste the food because I’d lost my taste when I caught the only dose of COVID in WA.

 

OT had Flown east to discuss a project involving........

 

 

[onetrack]

.....selling 500 Australian-designed and built electric commuter aircraft (long-overdue avref) to an un-named, low-cost, Irish-run airline. These aircraft had been designed in secret in a former Holden factory in Elizabeth, S.A., and were designed under cover of the new Sonnen home battery manufacturing facility - purposely so, to defeat any Chinese spying and commercial advantage in the now-booming field of electric commuter aircraft.

Of course, Sonnen were in on the deal, in the form of supplying modified home batteries to power the aircraft. These batteries were modified by pumping the cells full of air so they foamed up, and became light as styrene floats - without affecting their already-impressive power output. 

In addition to the batteries, however, pedals were also installed in the footwell of every seat station. These pedals were interconnected with the drive system to the propellers, so that pax could pedal away furiously if they wanted to get to their destination faster - and they also got to pedal, in exchange for acquiring lower-cost seating.

Naturally, the business and first class pax seats didn't have pedals, because it was always right of these upper-class people, to be free-carried by the plebs.

Michael O'Leary was over the moon when OT displayed the aircrafts features, and immediately put in the major order. 
O'Leary cried, "What's even better with this arrangement, is that I'll be able to tell the pax this is gym equipment that they will have to pay extra for, because they'll be getting fit, as well as getting there faster!"

Meantimes, as soon as Turbo got wind of this deal, he had sniffed a major financial killing to be made in the battery recharging business - and he immediately set up Turbine Hi-Power Recharge Systems Inc., to take advantage of what he saw as a massive market with huge potential (electrical pun intended), and he set about ringing a gent he knew, who would........

[turboplanner]

.......sell him some C17s cheap, and these would be fitted with propellor driven generators. 

Shortly after take off when the passengers were getting tired, the C17 would pull in front of the passenger aircraft and extend the charging cord; all current technology, and the C17 would charge the passenger aircraft all the way to the destination, where ........

[Captain]

10 hours ago, onetrack said:

Hello everyone .... I'm back.

The Ratso is relieved to see OT back on the NES as he was greatly missed and Ratso thought that OT may have become the new Cleo Smith, with OT having been kidnapped and kept hostage for their personal use in Carnarvon by some CWA ladies with whom Mavis may have conspired. (Mavis has previously described OT as "The most attractive and physically functional of all known NESers" which is a pretty big claim).

Edited November 5, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......sell him some C17s cheap, and these would be fitted with propellor driven generators. 

Shortly after take off when the passengers were getting tired, the C17 would pull in front of the passenger aircraft and extend the charging cord; all current technology, and the C17 would charge the passenger aircraft all the way to the destination, where ........

..... the C17s would be recharged by a network of Elongate Muskstick's "Testies" brand of Big Batteries that, in turn, would be charged by .......

Edited November 5, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

36 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... the C17s would be recharged by a network of Elongate Muskstick's "Testies" brand of Big Batteries that, in turn, would be charged by .......

The generators of six ships which would be anchored off the coast.

The ads said "O'leary, cheap as chips in Zero Emission aircraft" and Australia booked them out for three months within twenty minutes.

Some people said that they weren't zero emission, because the C17s and the generators on the ships would be belching so much CO2 that it may even turn into CO3.

O'Leary smiled and said "There will always be doubters, but we're good to go with zero emission" and the population of Australia believed an Irishman anbd ignored the hero that stopped the boats back .............

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The generators of six ships which would be anchored off the coast.

The ads said "O'leary, cheap as chips in Zero Emission aircraft" and Australia booked them out for three months within twenty minutes.

Some people said that they weren't zero emission, because the C17s and the generators on the ships would be belching so much CO2 that it may even turn into CO3.

O'Leary smiled and said "There will always be doubters, but we're good to go with zero emission" and the population of Australia believed an Irishman anbd ignored the hero that stopped the boats back .............

..... when they were full of refugees.

 

The O'Leary plan was exposed when three panamax sized frieghters full of 300,000 te of Hunter Valley coal (and not the good low ash/high energy stuff either) berthed beside the C17 generator ships. (O'Leary had gone the whole hog with his green pitch and had advertised the generators as being powered by wave energy and tidal flows, however they were actually fired by pulverised fuel made from died turtle's eggs and stillborn Quocka Joeys ........ or directly from coal (which he subsequently claimed was derived from petrified turtles).

 

Marky Mark initially supported those ships coming to WA territorial waters, as O'Leary was as cunning as Turbo and had the decks of the ships packed with refugee kiddies, some of which were made up to look like Cleo (even through they were 18 and being paid $35/hour), [Marky Mark planned to give them each 2 Teddy Bears made from Quocka fur] but the teenage nippers on the bottom deck had black legs from standing in coal, while waving at passing ABC and Nine Network chartered aircraft (avref) and ............

Edited November 6, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....holding up placards saying "BLACK LEGS MATTER!".

Turbo knew there would be trouble with Border Patrol, which these days was full of ex-CASA FOIs, and castigated O'Reily.

"On me mother's grave" said O'Reilly, I though they were all coming out to refugee a boxing tournament!"

What were they to do? ...............

[Captain]

6 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo knew there would be trouble with Border Patrol, which these days was full of ex-CASA FOIs, and castigated O'Reily.

EDITOR'S NOTE : Even Moderator 12, the one who has always been a bit of a dick, thinks that ex-CASA FOI's cutting O'Reilly's off, is a bit radical in these circumstances. After all, castigation makes your voice go higher and is permanent.

 

(Note how this post follows Turbo's lead and makes no mention of his O'Leary/O'Reilly confusion. Cappy is a 100% loyal mate to Turbo.)

Edited November 6, 2021 by Captain

[Captain]

13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"On me mother's grave" said O'Reilly, I though they were all coming out to refugee a boxing tournament!"

What were they to do? ........

.... but head up to the Houtman Abrolhos and O'Reilly would reenact the Cornelisz canibalistic doctrine, whereby he would .....

Edited November 6, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....offer a thousand dollar prize for the best steak, contestants to find their own source. Since there were no sheep, goats or cattle on the Houtman Abrolhos, this was only going to go one way, and..........

[Captain]

8 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....offer a thousand dollar prize for the best steak, contestants to find their own source. Since there were no sheep, goats or cattle on the Houtman Abrolhos, this was only going to go one way, and..........

..... there was also a problem finding components for sauces (other than some bones in shallow graves), which offered potential to boil up and ..........

 

 

 

Edited November 6, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........turn into a sauce worthy of the street restaurants of Melbourne, but as they started to dig, a gold ring with an enormous emerald came up, followed by a jewelled sceptre, and more and more fabulous jewels.

Had they stumbled on the lost lost treasure of .................

[Captain]

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........turn into a sauce worthy of the street restaurants of Melbourne, but as they started to dig, a gold ring with an enormous emerald came up, followed by a jewelled sceptre, and more and more fabulous jewels.

Had they stumbled on the lost lost treasure of .................

...... the infamous pirate Captain McGowan (1650 - 1697) and his 1st Mate Onemous Track (1670 - 1707 and the start of the WA Royalty UNiroute family) (some say they were more than just mates (NTTIAWWTBTW) if you get my drift, as Onemous was 20 years younger, had started his career as a Cabin Boy (NTTIAWWTE) where he had performed .......

 

 

IT WAS A TRACK FAMILY TRAIT (TFT) TO HAVE A BIG SWORD AND OT CONTINUES

THAT TODAY, BEING UNABLE TO WEAR SHORTS IN SUMMER.

Edited November 6, 2021 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......heroic acts in the Battle of Rottnest, sharpening swords as they were blunted, and providing hot dinners for the Officers, and even continuing the repaint of the ship, dodging cannon balls as he hung over the side of the ship on a Bunnings 30 metre 15 mm rope. The OT dynasty is made of stern stuff, with the ability ...........

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The OT dynasty is made of stern stuff, with the ability .......

....... milk it for all it's worth when the occasion requires ...........