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RonH

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    Courtroom Quotes

    in Aviation Laughter

    Posted

    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

     

    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

     

    ______________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

     

    WITNESS: July 18th.

     

    ATTORNEY: What year?

     

    WITNESS: Every year.

     

    _____________________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

     

    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks

     

    ______________________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

     

    WITNESS: Yes.

     

    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

     

    WITNESS: I forget.

     

    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you

     

    forgot?

     

    _____________________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

     

    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

     

    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

     

    WITNESS: Forty-five years.

     

    _____________________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that

     

    morning?

     

    WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

     

    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

     

    WITNESS: My name is Susan.

     

    ______________________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in

     

    voodoo?

     

    WITNESS: We both do.

     

    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

     

    WITNESS: We do.

     

    ATTORNEY: You do?

     

    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

     

    ______________________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his

     

    sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

     

    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

     

    ___________________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

     

    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

     

    ________________________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

     

    WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

     

    ______________________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

     

    WITNESS: Yes.

     

    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

     

    WITNESS: Uh....

     

    ___________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

     

    WITNESS: Yes.

     

    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

     

    WITNESS: None.

     

    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

     

    ______________________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

     

    WITNESS: By death.

     

    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

     

    ______________________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

     

    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

     

    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

     

    ______________________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a

     

    deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

     

    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

     

    ______________________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on

     

    dead people?

     

    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

     

    ______________________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go

     

    to?

     

    WITNESS: Oral.

     

    ______________________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

     

    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

     

    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

     

    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing

     

    an autopsy on him!

     

    ______________________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

     

    WITNESS: Huh?

     

    ______________________________________

     

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for

     

    a pulse?

     

    WITNESS: No.

     

    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

     

    WITNESS: No.

     

    ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?

     

    WITNESS: No.

     

    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you

     

    began the autopsy?

     

    WITNESS: No.

     

    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

     

    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

     

    ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

     

    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and

     

    practicing law...

     

     

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