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Threat Levels


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Guest Thrasher

Threat Levels

 

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The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist

 

threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to

 

"Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to

 

"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit

 

Cross" since the blitz began in 1940 and tea supplies all but ran

 

out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody

 

Nuisance". The last time the British issued "A Bloody Nuisance"

 

warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

 

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised

 

its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher

 

levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was

 

precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag

 

factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

 

It's not only the English and French who are on a heightened level of

 

alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and

 

excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:

 

"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

 

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful

 

Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also

 

have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

 

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the

 

only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

 

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to

 

deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new

 

Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

 

 

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