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Guest thrasher

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Guest thrasher



Once again, winning


submissions to a yearly neologism contest, in which readers are


asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are as follows:


1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.


2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you


have gained.


3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.


4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.


5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.


6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you


absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.


7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.


8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.


9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up


after you are run over by a steamroller.


10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.


11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.


12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by




13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.


14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation


with Yiddishisms.


15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief


that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck




16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts


worn by Jewish men.



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