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Maintenance Funnies


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I'm sure some of these are real!


Some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots, and the replies from the


maintenance crews.


Problem: Target Radar hums


Solution: Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics


Problem: “Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.”


Solution: “Almost replaced left inside main tire.”


Problem: “Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.”


Solution: “Autoland not installed on this aircraft.”


Problem: “The autopilot doesn’t.”


Signed off: “IT DOES NOW.”


Problem: “Something loose in cockpit.”


Solution: “Something tightened in cockpit.”


Problem: “Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.”


Solution: “Evidence removed.”


Problem: “DME volume unbelievably loud.”


Solution: “Volume set to more believable level.”


Problem: “Dead bugs on windshield.”


Solution: “Live bugs on order.”


Problem: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid


Solution: #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage


Problem: “Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.”


Solution: “Cannot reproduce problem on ground.”


Problem: “IFF inoperative.”


Solution: “IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.”


Problem: “Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.”


Solution: “That’s what they’re there for.”


Problem: “Number three engine missing.”


Solution: “Engine found on right wing after brief search.”


Problem: Aircraft handles funny


Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, “fly right” and be serious



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Yeah me too. I wrote up one of my own a while back when I was in the RAAF.


I was doing a "C" check on an Iroquois and was up in the hell-hole inspecting all the flight control bellcrank bearings when I found one that was seized solid. I wrote it up as "Bear seized in hell-hole"! In my defence there wasn't much room to write on the form hence the abbreviation (and why is that such a long word!).



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