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Some more "bad" one liner jokes


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1. My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning, can you believe that? 2:30am?


Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.


2. The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.


Talk about Dyson with death.


3. Paddy says, "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador.


"Really?" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"


4. I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!!


At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.


5. My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker... Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.


6. Woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.


At first I was afraid then I was petrified.


7. The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.


So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.


8. A mate of mine admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.


When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.


9. I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.


As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin,


3 hours later and they're still walking about with it.


I thought to myself, "These guys have lost the plot!"


10. My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70.


"Blow this," I thought, "I can get one cheaper off the web."


11. Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.


12. I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.


13. I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.


14. I was driving this morning when I saw an NRMA van parked on the side of the road.


The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.


I thought to myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown."


15. I just met a fat, alcoholic, transvestite. He wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.



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