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Ireland Declares War on France

Guest thrasher

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Guest thrasher

Ireland Declares War On France


Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when


his telephone rings.


"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy


down at the Harp Pub in County Clare , Ireland . I am ringing to inform


you that we are officially declaring war on ya!"


"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is


your army?"


"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "There is meself, me


Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from


the pub and that makes eight of us.


Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army


waiting to move on my command."


"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring ya back.


Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still


on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"


Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and


5000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000


since we last spoke."


"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to ya."


Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still


on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie


McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four


boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well."


Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell




Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases


are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we


last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"


"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring ya back."


Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.


Chirac! I am sorry to inform ya that we have had to call off the war."


"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of




"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and


finally decided there is no bloody way we can feed 200,000 French





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