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Oh to be so wise


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If you're not familiar with the work of Boswell D. Rabbitsmith, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said:


"I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."



Here are some of his gems:






1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.



2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.



3 - Half the people you know are below average.



4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.



5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.



6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.



7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.



8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.



9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.



10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.



11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.



12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?




13 - How can you tell when you're out of invisible ink?



14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.



15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.



16 - When everything seems to be coming your way, maybe you're in the wrong lane.



17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not being smart enough to be lazy.



18 - Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.



19 - I intend to live forever... so far, so good.



20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?



21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.



22 - What happens if you get scared half to death...twice?



23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."



24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?



25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.



26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.



27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.



28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.



29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.



30 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.



32 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.



33 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?



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