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All you ever wanted to know about New Zealand!!!

Guest thrasher

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Guest thrasher

All you ever wanted to know about New Zealand!!!


These questions about New Zealand were posted on an independent New Zealand Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner.


Q: Does it ever get windy in New Zealand? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)


A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them blow away.


Q: Will I be able to see Kangaroos in the street? (USA)


A: Depends how much you've been drinking.


Q: I want to walk from Auckland to Rotorua - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)


A: Sure, it's only 200 kilometres, take lots of water...


Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in New Zealand (Sweden)


A: So it's true what they say about Swedes...?


Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in New Zealand? Can you send me a list of them in Auckland, Queenstown, Wellington and Nelson? (UK)


A: ...and what did your last slave die of?


Q: Can you give me some information about Emu racing in New Zealand? (USA)


A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. Ne-w


Zea-land is the small island comprising two main islands just to the


east of Aus-tral-ia which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the Emu


racing is every Tuesday night at Greenlane. Come naked.


Q: Which direction is north in New Zealand? (USA)


A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.


Q: Can I bring cutlery into New Zealand? (UK)


A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.


Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)


A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which


is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday


night at Greenlane, straight after the Emu races. Come naked.


Q: Do you have perfume in New Zealand? (France)


A: No, WE don't stink.


Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in New Zealand? (USA)


A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.


Q: Can you tell me the regions in New Zealand where the female


population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)


A: Yes, gay nightclubs.


Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in New Zealand? (France)


A: Only at Christmas.


Q: Are there killer bees in New Zealand? (Germany)


A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.


Q: Are there supermarkets in New Zealand and is milk available all year round? (Germany)


A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.


Q: Please send a list of all doctors in New Zealand who can dispense snake serum. (USA)


A: Snakes live in A-me-ri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All New Zealand snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.


Q: I was in New Zealand in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Tauranga. Can you help? (USA)


A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.


Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)


A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.



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