Famous Sayings

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Famous Sayings

 

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."

 

-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

 

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."

 

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

 

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

 

-- Mark Twain

 

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.

 

-- George Burns

 

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

 

-- Victor Borge

 

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

 

-- Mark Twain

 

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

 

-- Socrates

 

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

 

-- Groucho Marx

 

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

 

-- Alex Levine

 

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

 

-- Bob Hope

 

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

 

-- W.C. Fields

 

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

 

-- Will Rogers

 

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

 

-- Winston Churchill

 

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

 

-- Phyllis Diller

 

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

 

-- Billy Crystal

 

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.