planedriver

Good on yer Disperse.

Loved your thread, very ammusing.

You'll get there for sure, Hopefully I will too one day, when I get my medical problems sorted out. The last time I went up with Dave, I was all keen to go for a bit of a fly and left home early without any breakfast. Just before I arrived at the air-strip, feeling like I could eat a horse and chase the jockey, I stopped and bought a steak?-sandwich from a local milk bar which was 99% greasy onion (no doubt left over from the night before) with 1% shaved steak. Soon after, I got in 3190 and having a super-sensitive sniffer, commented to Dave that it smelt like someone had "expressed" their breakfast. Poor Dave was very appolgetic and said that someone had been crook the day before on a flight down the South Coast, but they had cleaned it up and sprayed air-freshner inside the aircraft. After take-off and climbing through turbulence, much to the consternation of the onion sandwhich which was about to head up and back to the shop where I bought it, Dave apolgised once more about the smell, and said he could'nt smell a thing because he had a broken nose. I handed him a showel and said "smack me across the chops with this, because I need one too!!!

After taking control and having the old brain-box doing a bit of work I felt a little better, not a lot, just a little, and suggested after 1/2hr that it might be better to get back on terra-firma in case his can of air freshner was running out.

Anyway, it was just one of those days where it seems like you've been for a ride in a washing machine, but you get that, and the more experience you get, you no doubt get used to it.

I'm looking forward to that bit!!

Keep the threads coming.

Regards

Alan

Hi Facthunter

When the mother-in-law said she never wanted to speak to me again, I simply replied "who am I, that would even want to go against your wishes"

Before she could repy, I took the battery out of my hearing aid and handed it to her.

My "sweetheart" is nothing like her mother (Thank God). She's very placid, just like the old milkman. Funny that!!

Alan

Alan

Hi Ian.

I'll swap my in-law for yours. I need some new Tuppaware!!! and I reckon that would be a great trade-off.

The photo of my mother-in-law hanging off the windsreen during take-off is even more exciting than when Cathy Kirby won Gold.;) YEE Haaaaa

Alan

Two survive Mt Cook light plane crash

Monday Aug 27 07:36 AEST

Searchers in New Zealand have found two men alive after the light plane they were in crashed near the country's highest peak, the country's rescue coordination centre says.

Centre mission controller Dave Wilson said a helicopter search team located the airplane and managed to winch the pilot from the side of a mountain on South Island "in very difficult conditions".

A rescue helicopter equipped with night vision equipment was deployed to the wreckage area near Mount Cook with medics on board, he said, and searchers found the pilot alive.

The crash site was "on a side of a reasonably steep mountain ... deep in the Southern Alps," but weather conditions were good, Wilson said.

var JS_SITE;var JS_SECTION;var JS_SUB_SECTION;var JS_AD_MEM_TAG;var JS_PAGE_COBRAND;function GetCobrandAdStr__633238013112339865() { if (JS_PAGE_COBRAND != undefined && JS_PAGE_COBRAND != '') { return '/COBRAND='+JS_PAGE_COBRAND; } else { return ''; }}spac_writeAd('/SITE='+JS_SITE+'/AREA='+JS_SECTION+'/SUBSECTION='+JS_SUB_SECTION+'/LOC=TOP/AAMSZ=MEDIUM'+JS_AD_MEM_TAG+GetCobrandAdStr__633238013112339865());The other survivor was discovered by a helicopter crew at a mountain hut between lakes Tekapo and Pukaki after he had walked five kilometres to seek assistance.

Both men were flown to hospital, where one is stable and the other is reported in serious condition but conscious.

The search was launched after an emergency locator beacon was activated on Sunday afternoon. The single-engine light plane was reported overdue a short time later.

Both men were members of the North Shore Aero Club and the plane was one of a group of seven aircraft on the club's annual flying trip to South Island.

Club president Ian Couper said club pilots were trained to cope in an emergency.

"I know one of the pilots in the aircraft was one of the senior club instructors, very experienced, and of course part of the training is to cope with these emergencies," he said.

Sunday's crash was the first in the club's history, Couper said.

Mount Cook, New Zealand's highest peak at 3,424m is 702km south of the capital, Wellington.

How rude are you Danda? ha ha!

I posted the nicest picture of the mother-in law I could find, before she lost her grip on the windscreen.

RIP

Looks pretty cool jordy.

I understand it will be a requirement that all hats worn during the flight, must have leather chin straps for some strange reason!!!

LETTER FROM A RETIRED AIRLINE PILOT TO HIS PEERS:

Here is a home study simulator course for those who still hunger for the romance and adventure of airline flying.

1. Stay out of bed all night.

2. Sit in your most uncomfortable chair, in a closet, for nine or ten hours facing a four foot wide panoramic photo of a flight deck.

3. Have three or four noisy vacuum cleaners on high, out of sight but within hearing distance and operating throughout the night. If a vacuum cleaner fails, do the appropriate restart checklist.

4. Halfway through your nocturnal simulator course, arrange for a bright spotlight to shine directly into your face for two or three hours, simulating flying an eastbound flight into the sunrise.

5. Have bland overcooked food served on a tray midway through the night.

6. Have cold cups of coffee delivered from time to time. Ask your spouse to slam the door frequently.

7. At the time when you must heed nature's call, force yourself to stand outside the bathroom door for at least ten minutes, transferring your weight from leg to leg, easing the discomfort. Don't forget to wear your hat.

8. Leave the closet after the prescribed nine or ten hours, turn on your sprinklers and stand out in the cold and "rain" for twenty minutes, simulating the wait for the crew car.

9. Head for your bedroom, wet and with your suitcase and flight bag. Stand outside the door till your wife gets up and leaves, simulating the wait while the maid makes up the hotel room.

10. When your spouse inquires, "Just what in the hell have you been doing?" just say, "Fulfilling the allure of all night flying to romantic places." as you collapse into bed.

11. If you are a purist, make this a two-day trip instead of a turn-around, and do this two nights in a row.

Hope you enjoy your sim session.

That was the same student. He came back to fill his BBQ bottle.

Hi Disperse,

Is this for real? you ask.

Would I kid you?, especially in this section of the forums.:devil:

What sort of mate are you??????????

You could have taken mine too.

Too late for that Ian, sadly:crying: she slipped away;)

I used to have a lot of trouble with my mother-in law, so decided to pay for her to go on a short holiday, in order that we could get a little peace. Explaining my predicament to the airline reservasion clerk, he said "I fully understand sir, leave it me, i'll organise the best seat for this special occasion".[ATTACH]3330.vB[/ATTACH]

What a kind understanding guy he was. I have'nt had a problem since.

Name of booking agency supplied, on receipt of a case of beer.

The not overly bright student :;)3:was flying his first solo cross-country. He lost his way and before he finally ran out of fuel, he decided to put it down on a road. With hardly any cars on the road he managed to coast his aircraft into a gas station and said to the attendant, "Fill 'er up!"

The attendant just gave the pilot a bit of a strange look.

"I bet you don't get too many airplanes asking for fuel," said the pilot.

The attendant replied: "True, most pilots around here land at Hoxton Park Airfield on the other side of that wire fence, behind the BBQ gas".

Wierd Pilot Humor

On a small commuter flight one sunny day, the captain was told that some of his passengers were nervous about being on a "small airplane." He decided to take action: "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. I have been informed that some of you are nervous about being on a 'little' plane. Well, let me assure you, there is nothing to worry about, just sit back and take it easy. It might be helpful to do some sight seeing to put your mind at ease. Now, if you'll all lean and look out over the right wing of the airplane....it'll tip over! Hahahahaha!! Just a little pilot humor..."

Welcome Brett,

Great video clip. The little Bantam is real quick off the deck.

By the way, there appears to be a few tufts of grass you missed with the lawnmower. Flyings a lot of fun, but don't get slack in doing your chores,now.

I'm only kidding, you don't have to watch the clip again to check it out.:)

Keep the posts coming and you will get a lot out of this brilliant site.

Regards

Alan

Welcome Biondi,

Mate there's hope for me yet!!!

Take care of the undecarriage and the rest should be ok as well,

Don't fly by the seat of your pants, it's not good for the piles, especially on some of those rough country landing strips.

Regards

Alan

Hi Doug

I saw a nice Mk 2 Zodiac convertable at Wintersun in Coolangatta about 3wks ago which bought back memories of when I first got led astray, or maybe it was the other way round.

I remember chatting to a pilot at RAF St Maughan in Cornwall UK decades ago who used to fly lightnings and he said when you accelerate in them it's better than sex.

They used to have an old meteor towing a target off the coast for the lightnings to shoot at. I think i'd sooner be the one in the lightning.

Regards

Alan

Thanks for the encouragement Rod

My son suggested putting wheels on the walking frame and having a back-pack and and a chute as a cheap solution.So i told him he could do the initial test flight for me. On reflection he said he'd be happier for me to go with Dave in the Jabiru.

The picture of the Zodiac in the hanger looks nice, is it yours?

My dad tought me to drive in a Zodiac, but his was made by Ford.

You did'nt have to shout out "clear prop" when you needed to go anywhere, as the fan was behind a radiator and not hanging out the front.

Alan

Hi Guys,

What a great site this is.

Ian is doing fantastic job as I know you'd all agree (thanks Ian for all your hard work)

I've only had a few hours with Schofields Flying club on a Warrier some years ago, prior to donating my house to the nice solicitor B------d:censored:, plus a few trips since in Dave's Jabiru out at The Oaks. Like many who have aircraft running through their blood-stream, my goal is to at least get my flying certificate before my walking-frame. I'd like to build a Terrier, but having that occasional need to eat, keeps holding me back.

Hope to catch up with some of the bunch at The Oaks this Sunday after a long break. If you see a guy in a metalic-green Falcon dribbling at the mouth while looking at the aircraft, it would have to be me. Please say hello, i'd love that, and my name is Alan.:big_grin:

AIRSPEED - Speed of an airplane. (Deduct 25% when listening to a retired fighter pilot.)

BANK - The folks who hold the lien on most pilots' cars.

CARBURETOR ICING - A phenomenon reported to the FAA by pilots immediately after they run out of gas.

CONE OF CONFUSION - An area about the size of Sussex located near the final approach beacon at an airport.

CRAB - A VFR Instructor's attitude on an IFR day.

DEAD RECKONING - You reckon correctly, or you are.

DESTINATION - Geographical location 30 minutes beyond the pilot's bladder saturation point.

ENGINE FAILURE - A condition that occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with low-octane air.

FIREWALL - Section of the aircraft specifically designed to funnel heat and smoke into the cockpit.

FLIGHT FOLLOWING - Formation flying.

GLIDE DISTANCE - Half the distance from an airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.

HOBBS - An instrument which creates an emergency situation should it fail during dual instruction.

HYDROPLANE - An airplane designed to land long on a short and wet runway.

IFR - A method of flying by needle and horoscope.

LEAN MIXTURE - Nonalcoholic beer.

MINI MAG LITE - Device designed to support the AA battery industry.

NANOSECOND - Time delay between the Low Fuel Warning light and the onset of carburetor icing.

PARACHUTES - The two chutes in a Stearman

PARASITIC DRAG - A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.

RANGE - Usually about 3 miles short of the destination.

RICH MIXTURE - What you order at another pilot's promotion party.

ROGER - Used when you're not sure what else to say.

SECTIONAL CHART - Any chart that ends 25 nm short of your destination.

SERVICE CEILING - Altitude at which cabin crew can serve drinks.

SPOILERS - CAA Inspectors.

STALL - Technique used to explain to the bank why your car payment is late.

STEEP BANKS - Banks that charge pilots more than 10% interest.

TURN & BANK INDICATOR - An instrument largely ignored by pilots.

USEFUL LOAD - Volumetric capacity of the aircraft, disregarding weight.

VOR - Radio navigation aid, named after the VORtex effect on pilots trying to home in on it.

WAC CHART - Directions to the Army female barracks.