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Signs:


Tomo
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On a plumber's truck: "WE REPAIR WHAT YOUR HUSBAND FIXED."

 

 

A plumbing company: "DON'T SLEEP WITH A DRIP. CALL YOUR PLUMBER."

 

 

In a vet's waiting room: "BE BACK IN FIVE MINUTES. SIT! STAY!"

 

 

Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "WE CAN HELP YOU PICK YOUR NOSE!"

 

 

On an electrician's van: "LET US REMOVE YOUR SHORTS."

 

 

In a non-smoking area: "IF WE SEE SMOKE, WE WILL ASSUME YOU ARE ON FIRE AND TAKE APPROPRIATE ACTION."

 

 

On a maternity room door: "PUSH. PUSH. PUSH."

 

 

At an optometrist's office: "IF YOU DON'T SEE WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR, YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE."

 

 

In a toilet in a London office block: "TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW."

 

 

Outside a second-hand shop: "WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING — BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?"

 

 

Sign on a repair shop door: "WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR — THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)."

 

 

Sign in a laundrette: "AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT."

 

 

Sign in a London department store: "BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS."

 

In an office: "WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN."

 

 

Outside a photographer's studio: "OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO."

 

 

Outside a disco: "SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN... EVERYONE WELCOME."

 

 

Sign warning of quicksand: "QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL."

 

 

Notice in a dry cleaner's window: "ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 3o DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF."

 

 

Sign on motorway garage: "PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS... YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH, BUT OUR PETROL IS."

 

 

Notice in health food shop window: "CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS."

 

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