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This is your pilot speaking


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A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new airplane in the living room.


She hears the airplane stop and her son said, "All you sons of b__s who want to get off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b__s who are getting on, get your asses on the plane, cause we're taking off".


The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your airplane, but I want you to use nice language."


Two hours later, the son comes of the the bedroom and resumes playing with his airplane. Soon the airplane stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the plane, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for flying with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will fly with us again soon."


She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the plane. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."


As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are p__d off about the two hour delay, please see the b__h in the kitchen."



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Intercom announcement prior to take off.


This is a recorded message, your aircraft is one of the most modern ever built, it is completely automatic and therefore requires no pilot.


Do not be concerned as absolutely nothing can go wrong, can go wrong, can go wrong, can go wrong...........



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