How do you know when you're getting Old ? ? ?

[Guest GraemeM]

When you have to take half a Viagra tablet every morning so you don,t pee on your slippers.

And the other half at night to stop you rolling out of bed.

 

 

[red750]

They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company.

 

After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town.

 

Despite his age, they ended at his place for an after-dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.

 

As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts......

 

Claude was thinking: 'If I'd known she was still a virgin, I'd have been gentler.'

 

Maude was thinking: 'If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken my pantyhose off. '

 

 

[Bubbleboy]

When you have dry dreams and wet farts....

 

 

[PA.]

An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and Gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.

 

When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a Very pretty female doctor.

 

The female doctor says,"I'm going to check your Prostate today, but this new procedure is a little Different from what you are probably used to.

 

I want you to lie on your right side,bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99'.

 

The old guy obeys and says, "99".

 

The doctor says, "Great",now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99".

 

Again, the old guy says, '99'.

 

The doctor said, “Very good”.

 

Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees Raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way.

 

Now take a deep breath and say, '99'.

 

The old guy begins,

 

"One....

 

two…

 

three…"

 

 

[Bikky]

GROSS HUMOUR WARNING!!!!

 

An old gentleman was sitting on a park bench feeding the pigeons and a similarly aged lady sat next to him.

 

They started chatting - mainly about the "good old days".

 

It wasn't long before they were holding hands and smiling coyly at each other.

 

The old gent invited his new friend back to his room in the nursing home and she agreed.

 

Several cups of tea later, the old gent suggested a roll in the hay for old time's sakes.

 

The old lady smiled and said, "Good idea. Why not?"

 

Al little later, they were in a particularly intimate position in bed when the old lady stopped and said, "Shame about the Titanic, wasn't it?'

 

The old gent asked in surprise, "What makes you bring that up?"

 

She replied, "Oh, it's not important really. I was just reading the piece of newspaper stuck to your bum."

 

You were warned!