Captain

17 hours ago, bull said:

.The search lasted 12 day and finally.....

.... the three of them (OT, TUBB & RATTY - NTTIAWWT) were found, hitting the grog, legless yet bravely practicing their aviating skills by low flying under return earth lines (SWER) down near Lune River, where the ......

LUNE RIVER IS GENERALLY SIMILAR TO DARRAWEIT GUIM BUT

EVEN WORSE. AND THE RIVERS HAVE NOT YET BEEN BLESSED,

But there are heaps of wombats to use as targets.

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

...CASAE (CASA Equestrian) which had been introduced for the ongoing control of Tasmania. There were ongoing disputes within CASAE about the proposed use of battery whips which could ...........

..... possibly become attractive to the over 70's kinkier (NTTIAWWT) members of the AUF (Tasmanian Branch). These members and those in the Wombat Appreciation Sub-Branch were very vocal once they learnt about the ......

MANY TASSY AUF MEMBERS CARRY ONE OF THESE IN THEIR AIRCRAFT (AVREF), FOR SELF USE IN CASE THEY ARE TIRED WHILE FLYING HOME .... OR JUST FOR FUN AT AN AUFT SOCIAL EVENT IF THE CWA GIRLS TURN UP.

13 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.......the pilots consuming the horse meat pies, now had long faces as a result, and this led to a vastly-increased demand for bridles and bits, which enabled better control of those pilots, when they became inclined to shy away from......

..... snakes or plastic bottles, ........ just about any reference to CASA or regulation of any kind ....... or ............

5 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....them becoming much better at wading, but having back problems when they tried to squeeze into a recreational aircraft [avref]. This also set off a demand for longer beds. Mainlanders know the pain of trying to sleep in the short Chinese beds sold by all the major outlets. Withing days Turbine Forests had set up a bed manufacturing operation in Burnie from logging to the finished product and long mattresses were ..........

.... added into all the cheap motels that all the cheap AUF horse-headed pilots used around the Mathinna or Zehan TasFly sites.

But it was Turbine's Tazzy Saddles and Bridles PLC that made the unexpected big quid, because .......

...... many of them looking like Mr Ed and stamping their feet 4 times when asked about 2 + 2.

Those are the main disadvantages, however there were benefits due to advantages with their appendages, and that led to .......

A TYPICAL TASMANIAN ASIC CARD PHOTO (THE TASIC CARD)

..... ensure that oysters are .....

2 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..........go into operations when the anti vaxxers jumped at this non-invasive treatment, and .................

..... as a result all labor state premiers extended their mandate to include that all residents of Qld, WA & Mextoria must be either circumcised or mulesed, whether they need it or not.

This upset the ...........

2 hours ago, CT9000 said:

.....cussion is making it very hard {earth ref} to steer back to aviation.......

...... as OT's recent circumcision post was just a crass promotion for Trackbine's Snip and Tuck P/L who use traditional methods, which makes them more acceptable to the yuppie under 30's, and with the new gender equality laws TS&TPL have been flooded with circumcision applications by 6 genders and a herd of sheep that were looking for a cheap mulesing service.

TS&TPL had bought up the Aussie supply of traditional surgical equipment, had built their own midden and had started to ...... 

THE BELOW PHOTO OF THE SURGICAL DEVICES IS COPIED FROM THE TS&TPL PROSPECTUS THAT IS SOON TO BE RELEASED. THE USE OF THESE TRADITIONAL UNSTERILISED INSTRUMENTS LEAVES A VERY INTERESTING VARIGATED FINISH TO THE SNIP.

48 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

.......then he woke up  " with solution in hand "  ......

.......... because Dyson and Turbo have pooled their hand sanitizer solution formulae.

"If Dyson's stuff can clean the pom's hands, then it should work well down here in the jewel of the Sth Pacific." commented Turbo.

And Col Dyson had a similar view when he tipped a bucket on the cleanliness of Darraweit Guim by inferring that ......

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"Well uninsulated 240 volt cable can kill people it touches" suggested the journalist. "Of course it can!" replied Turbo. "Didn't your mother tell you never to touch power poimts and stuff? If someone is silly enough not to get out of the way and it kills them that't their fault; they should have looked where they were going!"

The crowd dispersed and ......

...... the aviation industry applauded.

"We have faith in Turbo" they chanted "He can solve all of the cord weight and coefficiant of friction palava. CT's post is 1900's thinking, so ohm schmohm".

And just then Turbo announced his master-stroke (although some unkind wag said that that is what he may have been doing when he thought of this).

"Turbine Industries will combine in a JV with Charlie Dyson to make & market a certified UL & AUF endorsed engine that spins at 66,000 rpm to be fed by a power cord made from lithium trisulphate that is lighter then air and .............

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Fortunately all these problems could be solved by Cords on the Fly, a Turbine Aerospace company which supplies power cords 300 kilometers long. You never have to unplug from home; just plug into the special socket in the aircraft and you can fly forever or until your bladder blows, and ......

..... this solved the problem for all frustrated AUF pilots who had always wanted, but could not obtain, their turbine endorsement (Turbo has one but few other are sufficiently skilled to even spell Pratt & Whitney (although many had their 1st one while looking at a centerfold of Whitney Houston), & even spelling "turbine" (the spinny aroundy one not the Corvette one) is a bridge too far for some of them).

The sticking point now, however, was to obtain a Cord endorsement (a CE) ("It's the spring loaded retractor for a 300 km cord that is the only real problem which needs careful management by the pilot" said a spokesperson), but thankfully Turbine Aerospace (or T-Arse for short) offers an endorsement on a fag packet with every cord sale, so the only remaining issue is .......

THE TYPE OF WHITNEY PHOTO THAT DID IT FOR MANY AUF MEMBERS

ALTHOUGH THIS GETS SOME GOING TOO.

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...........which is saying about as powerful as old Dad after a dinner of Roast Lamb and mint sauce or ........

..... a Chicko roll with baked beans, in which case old Dad is ......

42 minutes ago, CT9000 said:

In other words a Thruster or Drifter you look between your knees 'coz thats where you are going. I heard it said that a Thruster pilot can throw his keys out at the moment the fan stops and from 5000 ft. will land exactly one aeroplane length past the keys.

Howzat for thread drift ??? steering back to aviation !!!

As a wise old aviator (avref) once said "The glide ration is the f'n glide ratio, mate"

And as a further explanation, he eruditely added "I fly a sailplane with a 45:1 glide ratio and I also fly a ragwing brick with a 5:1 glide ratio. There is no difference between the two. Just fly the aircraft to its best glide performance and there is only one difference to get them safely down, and that is that the brick will win the race. (the obvious caveat on that is Turbine Aviation's latest advances where their new fangled aircraft can be parked at set heights AMSL).

1 hour ago, CT9000 said:

Side note does any NES reader remember why side valve engines are not all that suited to aviation???

( captain I thought I would just chuck that one in for fun )

It is simple CT.

With the extra weight of the valves and offset of that big flat head (Turboref), with a side-valve engine mounted in an aircraft (avref) they fly port wing down and therefore fly around in ever decreasing circles, which gets boring and is even worse than when flying off your 1st 5 hours in a 19 class AUF aircraft.

Therefore X-Country flight was only possible once overhead valves were invented.

Some say that this is incorrect and that X-Country flight was enabled after Rotax released their 2-stroke engines, and that is partly correct, but in reality this was only possible until they locked up or whiskered a plug, however this resulted in pilots with great skill in outlandings and eaking best rate-of-glide out of a ragwing brick.

Here endeth the lesson.

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Three years later he caught a train to London, and ......

.... went straight back to the bootmaker to make a warranty claim (Turbo has a natural frugality & ripoff mentality about him).

"No, no, no my boy" replied the Jewish bootmaker "My boots are not cockpit proof and snagging one on a canopy is a specific exclusion in the warranty (do you schtill haff the receipt?). Plus I haff heard what you haff been doing to those innocent Swiss girls and I see that you haff put on a bit of pork, ahso my finely crafted boots wouldn't fit you any more, ......... Fatso."

Getting fat while all those around him starve has been the unpublished mantra of Turbine Industries ever since, and has also been franchised by Danny Andrews over the past 11 years.

Turbo remembered that experience for the rest of his life, and it also served him well at the Bidgeee Crock Pit (BCP) when he .......

THE POOR JEWISH BOOTMAKER IN QUESTION

A BOOTLESS TURBO, HAVING PORKED UP ON SWISS CHOCOLATE, PASTRIES AND LADIES.

(Talk about a W&B issue?)

5 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"Look", said CT. "Turbo only needed skin grafts, because he was........

..... over-polishing the end for a number of years, when he was .........

"G'day boyz and girrs" said Nobu "I onry came back in here because that rady with the brue jacket and gley hair in the Lat's lecent post is my gramlar and the hottie in the fouth photo is my mistless (and she is unberievabull, ret me tell youze)."

"G'day Nob" replied the CT, who was not a contributor when Nobu was last in town "As you know I lespect all countlies, I do not rike national stelliotypes in the NES and I object to sperring that makes a mokely of ............. 

47 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

and they hung him on a stick in the Murray by the cods for cod bait .........

..... before he was rescued by an advanced party of LITL women from the GJRH.

I cannot show you more of what shoulder patch the LITL women use as it is just too rude for a Wreck Flying Forum.

"well don't leave us hanging cappy" said bull "what does LITL stand for?"

"G'day bull" replied Cappy "That is the "Life In Their Loins" platoon of the GJRH SACWA And they can cause a heck of a lot of ........

THESE ELITE TROOPS ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE THEIR EYES PIXILATED FOR SECURITY SAKE (HOWEVER THE WRINKLES PROBABLY HAVE THE SAME EFFECT) AND WE CANNOT GIVE THEIR NAMES, BUT BELOW ARE A COUPLE OF SHOTS OF THE LITL WOMEN OF THE GIRH SACWA.

AND THEY CAN ALL STILL DO THIS TOO.

....... Salty, who is the present Chairperson of the Australia-Spain Horticultural Society for the Growth and Consumption of Spanish Tomatoes (The well known ASHSftG&CoST, or as it is often abbreviated to the much more catchy & better known ASHSGCST) to ensure that ST's are included in all pizza and tapas menus henceforth.

"No worries a-maaaate for that" said Luigi Scarface (Salty's 2nd cousin on his niece's side) who is the head chef at the Remnark Sushi Train, which is located above the ......

The aftermath of an EGM Meeting at the ASHSftG&CoST, where the motion was passed 5 to 3 (bullet holes).

The Remnark Sushi Train is on the floor below.

STEELE YOURSELVES DEAR READERS, AS BELOW IS ONE OF TURBO'S SKIN GRAPHS

THAT HAS JUST BEEN SENT TO ME BY BULL OVER THE SECURE MEDICAL NETWORK.

(This is only possible because bull slept with lots of nurses when he was young (hence the expression "That he is like a bull in a nurse's quarters"), and because Cappy has been officially certified as an amateur gynecologist.)

THESE GRAPHS ARE ALWAYS READ FROM THE RIGHT, SO IT IS ALL DOWNHILL FOR

OUR POOR DEAR TURDY.

43 minutes ago, onetrack said:

......following an upward curve or in a downward free-fall path - just like bull when he pulled back on the stick right after the 582 catastrophic engine failure at 2500' (a record altitude for bull, by the way), and the Jackaroo was heading for the ground like a badly aimed dart at the Darraweit Guim Hotel darts night, and getting ready to turn the Jackaroo into a Knackaroo, when......

..... Turbo exhibited more of his deity-like (& Eeeeaaaan-like) powers and .....

12 hours ago, bull said:

Well i thought that a bit more for insurance as these little buggers bite and ..........

..... my pubes are famous for being like 10 gauge fencing wire, so I am not boasting when I say that several CWA ladies have almost lost their sight as a result."

"Hey, hang on there bull" said OT "That must be an old photo from the NES archive, as Turbo does not have a non-grey hair on his entire body."

12 hours ago, bull said:

skin graphs

..... plus can you email me a copy asap please, as I would like to check out a couple of his graphs to see if he is, indeed, ..........

5 hours ago, Captain said:

..... went all melancholy (gin tends to do that) and spoke softly to his best mate, when he said ".....

..... I'll do the quality control, as I have a PhD in Wool Classing, plus I have already done a deal to sell it to a cooperative of spinners in Feng Shui, and I have just inseminated all of the ewes in this flock."

"How did you do the inseminating?" asked Turbo who also works undercover for the RSPCA.

"Oh, no wuckers Tubby, it was artificial." responded Cappy.

"Thank goodness for that as there are over 600 ewes in that flock, so if not via AI, you would have been ......

EDIT - bull and Cappy pushed their buttons at identical times, so apologies to our thousands of NESers for the duplication.

AI JOKES .....

..... went all melancholy (gin tends to do that) and spoke softly to his best mate, when he said ".....

35 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

........body at the first attempt. It was a 1941 Ford Prefect, one of the ugliest little ......

......... poor people's cars that the working classes grew to love (along with Vanguards).

As can be seen from the above, Cappy came from the Working Class and has continued to strive at all times for righteous honesty, noble hard work, respect for his fellow man and the wellbeing of his surrounding community, whereas the above quotation by Cappy's best mate Turbo immediately demonstrates how forgiving and magnanimous Cappy can be, as it shows Turbs to be derisive of small vehicles, superior in his attitude about almost everything, and therefore to be a typical owner of red sports cars & numerous aircraft, who thinks that his does not .......