Captain

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....would be a part of the great peoples of the West, even if only an irrelevant swill of swishing ......

.... and swashing on the rump of Australian society, as a whole.

I fail to see why, but OEHOR took offense at Turbo's comment and said "But we have unique freedoms, perks and opportunities over here in the west, such as ......

..... the common and more basic peasant level Sand Monkeys could find foot tapping, so that they ......

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........what was know as "The Blockages", not unlike the "Troubles" in Ireland which also started over a shortage of toilet paper. As we know, the Poms have always been frugal with "the paper" whereas the Irish would always help out a neighbour, and this difference inevitably led to civil war. Of course when the King sent soldiers to Ireland he was perplexed at how easy it was for the Irish to find concealed English soldiers and escape, but of course now we know.

 

This also was why ........

...... what in WA was kmown as "The Struggles" (sometimes described as being SandBound) because the residents of Southern Cross disliked those in Mangeymuttinup, and both of those firmly disliked Prince Leonard and Ralph Sarich, who both sewed division and unhappiness more effectively than Ian Paisley and the dude with the dark hair from the IRA.

It took a great Statesman like the OnlyEverHadOneRoot to recover the .....

Turbo's  video solves the age old issue of why the rest of the platoon up the Khyber called him Scaggsy, and why he now still has a CowLick.

On 10/05/2024 at 8:07 PM, Captain said:

Cappy apologises if he was one of those at Bathurst, that told Turbo to XXXX Off. Who would have thought that after that, they would become such close and life long mates, particularly given Turbo's extreme wealth and all.

 

For the non-hoons in the NES, Turbine Enterprises now owns Bathurst and all surrounding land through to 100 kms past Orange, including Cappy's ggg'father's blacksmith shop at Lucknow.

Turbine Precious Metals have reopened the Ophir, Hill End & Chamers Creek goldfields (They now supply directly to Fort Knox, bypassing they Perth Mint who cannot be trusted, given the latest sand scandal), the circuit has been rebranded as Mt Turbirama, Bathurst is now just called "Thirst" (after Turbine Psychology & Mental Health suggested that he face up to his so-called "Drinking Demons") and since he also owns 80% of the freehold in Orange, that name cannot be used to describe any fruit other than that which is grown by the Turbine Citrus Conglomerate around the world. 

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

During the paper shortage of 1983, WA Sand was used in toilets which led to ..............

..... the other Great WA Scandal, when, like covid, Government Medical Officers advised the sand monkeys to use WA sand in their bidets to de-dag themselves in a paper free environment, saying that it was "Safe and Effective".

They then ran for cover and joined the boards of sand companies when many in the population started to enjoy their sand enemas and hold Sand Bidet parties..... while a high statistical proportion developed silicosis of the bum, and associated regional damage to their ....

Cappy apologises if he was one of those at Bathurst, that told Turbo to XXXX Off. Who would have thought that after that, they would become such close and life long mates, particularly given Turbo's extreme wealth and all.

.... practical mechanics carried the day just like they did after the last war, so every time they got a diesel into the workshop with glazed bored, they put a cup of WAGreat into each cylinder and "Bob's your uncle", but this only ....

During Cappy's time in motor racing, he was in the pits at Bathurst, lolling around with his meticulously prepared machines, and he gave Phil Ward a hand to stick a brand new engine into his Ford. With the race soon to start and no time to run the engine in, Phil grabbed some Ajax and poured some into each plug hole. It was a little hard to start and nobody stood in line with the exhaust, but once out, it did the job and finished the race.

Note to BlueHead owners  ..... It doesn't work so well with 2 strokes.

.... this caused an oversupply of already plentiful sand and the price of premium WA sand crashed to its lowest level since The Great Sand Scam of '84.

The result was .......

.... the now famous northwestern Big Sand which Mick initially called Huge Sand but Mal insisted on the name "Gigantic Sand" because each grain was 3 times the size of that proxy white sand in the Witsundays, which doesn't even itch or abrade when someone puts a bucket full down your bathers (front OR back)?

So they built a 1 to 1 life-size model but the tourists still couldn't .......

..... did the ochre (and occa) equivalent of selling ice to Eskimos.

Do you know that Western Australians have 25 words for "Sand", and ......

..... had enough stockpiled to sell.

So they opened a marketing office in the regional center of Mangeymuttinup and ......

....... Sand Monkey Pharts, as they are similar to the Sahara dust that occasionally traverses the Atlantic and pollutes the Caribbean & South America, see the below map.

As can be seen, this is why in Sydney & Melbournistan, Perth is known as the "Aussie Dakar" (and Southern Cross is known as the Skippy version of that little sh#@hole town just outside Marrakech). Sometimes the WA Dust even contains South African accents.

The WA Sand Layer Forecast (TWASLF) is one if the most popular shows on the .....

..... once they are covered in sand, they become inert & petrified anyway, hence why WA has never had an outbreak of cholera or typhoid.

Nor is any Sand Monkey game to break wind due to sand blasting and silicosis restrictions in the WA constitution.

And dear readers, that was the driving force behind the ......

..... because he is, indeed 35, .................. when measured in cat years, .............. however this revelation by the good Turbo is slightly incorrect as the Skipper was not referring to the abreviation for a parachute. Crappy was thinking more about the s.........

..... "Chute (or is it "Shoot"?) If'n I had the readies I would .......

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

 ....... plop down .......

Cappy thanks Turdo for reintroducing the very immotive yet highly descriptive aviation term 'to plop down", .......................... as while Cappy has not yet "plopped down" he knows a few that have.

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

By evening ..........

..... the rims had been stolen off most of them and the few that were still in one piece had been fitted with neon and UV lights, with pneumatic suspensions & a boom box installed by various Hispanic persons, so that they could bunny hop all the ......

Rod's walking frame was made from solid yellow and white gold and the dark bits are constructed from the more expensive Unobtainium.

His experiments failed to have his oxygen cylinders made from solid gold, as it will not take the pressure.

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......was so popular that he was signed for a six months Residency at the pub, which put him in the same bracket as current Las Vegas Headliner Residencies Rod Steward, Adele, Wayne Newton, Donny Osmond and Garth Brooks.

Theth flew a Thruthter at the weekends when he could get away without having to glue on all those feathers, and it wasn't long before ................

..... most of the Vegas Headliner Has-Beens were also flying Thrusters.

Rod and Wayne bought the latest Mk 4 side-by-side versions because they are big enough to take their walking frames with the oxygen bottles still strapped on, so the Thruster could be enjoyed by .......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.....firth in the family throng enough to fly from Thepparton to New Thouth Waleth under my own power."

This was greeted by hoots in the local pub that night and so he was forced  to superglue his feathers one and .......................

 

..... give a brief demo around the bar, which .....

.... Thethil conthidered making hith move.

Theth had always thought that she was thexthy and with Jacqui being a member of the Thenate, he altho theriousthly thought that he could be the male equivalent of Albo's blonde lady friend, ..... and thereby get his frequent flying hours up (pluth, from thith posithion of power, he could add those hours into his AUF Feathers and ThuperGlue log book).

"I would be the firtht gentleman and I would therefore altho be the .......

..... dry reached and said "I think I'll stick with Albo, while ......

..... flapping his wings, he went backwards like a Grik .....

At exactly that moment Jacqui sent a WhatsUpp message saying "Keep Iccy occupied until I get there, as I like the cut of his jib (sailingref) and the size of his package (jacquilambyhistoricalref).

On 26/04/2024 at 6:03 PM, turboplanner said:

.........falling to the ground as the wax melted from all their hot air.

Cappy had a little flutter too but all that Bombay curry ensured he remained non aerodynamic because at that moment along came......

..... the "Big Guy", ........ Icarus, himself.

Icarus had always wanted to fly "Rag and Tube" but he did not have the sheckles, so he formed and led the "Feathers and Wax" subdivision of the AUF.

When he saw Thethil and his thiblings fall to the ground he called out to them using the accent of a Greek Melabourne Taxi Driver "Hey Maate, do you know that there are more Griks in Melabourne than there are in Athens, maate ...... Hey, maate, youze a gotta use Gorrilla Glue, and nota that chip wax, maate".

Thethil stood up, brushed off the rat droppings (he had landed in a Melbourne suburb), took Iccy across the road to Bunnings for a snag, cooked by the Moorabbin Gay & Not-Yet-Gay Scouts Group (the MG&NYGSG), and went inside to buy some of the aformentioned adhesive.

Iccy had never seen anything like Bunnings (nor had the leader of the MG&NYGSG seen anything as impressive as Iccy in his G-string) and Iccy commented ".......

Icarus, having a bit of a pose and doing the equivalent of a missed approach at the Moorabbin strip.

PS - Turbo has a short back & sides flat-top just like Iccy, ever since his days with Cappy up the Khyber.

32 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

............"He's one of us Thethil" and the three of them climbed aboard the monster ultralight.

Those who witnessed the take off that day say ............

...... it reminded them of the final days of Easter in the Holy Land, with Turbo rising from the hangar and into the firmament with a strange light behind his head, ....... and Theth + his brothers fluttering their wings and ..........

On 24/04/2024 at 5:22 PM, turboplanner said:

They all looked the same; they all sounded the same; when one winked, the others winked; when one spoke the others spoke in the same tone and syntax. They were identical twins.

Are any of our brighter NESers able to decipher the above 2 lines for Cappy?

Surely "when one winked, the others winked" and "when one spoke the others spoke" indicates that there are more than 2 of 'em, therefore triplets or quadruplets or more, etc.

Cappy is confused as he knows that Turbo always likes to be precise ....... and he is always (automatically) 100% correct ..... so is there some other explanation, please, dear friends.