Captain

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

The restaurant name was a clever joke that no-one ever twigged to, of course, and even fewer knew the source of the meat in the Kway Teow and the Sweet and Sour Pork, but regardless........

..... this spawned a chain of the below Vet Clinics and Chinese restaurants, another Turbine Marketing initiative, with a short-cut hole in the wall between them to ensure that any veterinary failures were used to good ends and to ......

..... a zookeeper's uniform and carrying a .....

28 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

And still the flying dozer [avref] thread comments came, until.......

..... Turbo, who is widely experienced in matters heavy duty (like many of his non-NES 20,000 posts [some might say "hard going" but I would not go that far, because Turdbro's knowledge has been described by many as the equivalent to AI ......... but with a bad attitude]), brought the discussion to a grinding halt (like his Freightliners do when their chassis' fail) when he both opined and proscribed, that the W & B of a D-375 would ......

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

Dear NES Readers, Cappy has brought a reminiscent tear to OT's eyes, as he did once own 3 of the D-375 dozers, plus a large fleet of other Komatsu machines, with the Cats making up a tiny minority of the 55-strong fleet. But those days are long gone, and today, all OT has left is a photo album, and little else. As the old saying goes, "I started with nothing, and I still have it all".)

As readers sadly consider OT's "reminiscent tears" they should all also consider the numerous mine owners, public authorities and other miscellaneous clients that OT may have charged by mistaking the hours and other "optimistic" charging methodologies.

Having spent much time with OT, I know him to be a good bloke that I would trusted with my life, however suffice to say that good maintenance management has meant that all of his aircraft and machinery have been sold with low hours & always below 250. In fact the most worn items in OT's fleet were the drills that he used to rewind odometers and hour meters.

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

Santoku knife sets, which need to be treated with more care than a live Taipan, the Kimono with obi (which must be tied using the tateya musubi knot), and of course, Zori, otherwise known as Japanese work boots. Zori can be worn anytime and anywhere, of course, and if anyone complains that open-toed footwear must not be worn on the premises, one can always tell them where to shove their...........

..... overly protective and woke PPE.

This, dear readers, is a very timely and apt reminder that .....

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....ton but some dude from Tokanamahtsu wrote in to say it disrespected the Japanese, and it had to be changed to not seeing any bullets.

 

This was agreed to be fair throughout Australia, and ......

..... as in WW2, a contingency plan was drawn up to give them half of OZ if any of the bullets nicked anyone.

However, this time instead of handing over everything north of the Tropic of Capricorn, it was decided to just give the Japanene the crappy parts of the country, after all "What have the Japanese ever done for us?"

So, a document was developed to give them Collingwood and Moorabbin, Redfern and Willcania, most of SA, the middle crappy bit of WA (but only where it has been certified that there are no minerals), Alice Springs and much of the NT and all of the ACT (including Penny Wong and that bloke who claims to be the PM).

Well, dear readers & for our thousands of readers in foreign lands and for those seeking freedom in Iran, ..... in a 2025 rerun of the Life of Brian, where Turbo plays Stan, the one that wants to be Loretta & have babies, and Onesie plays Mikey Palin & says "Well, there is the Subaru Impreza STI, the latest Toyota Supra (an example of German/Japanese cooperation, and look where that got us in 1940), the Suzuki Boulevard Cruiser in white, the Komatsu D575A-3 SD, the ........

OT is sending all of his CAT spares off in the recycling bin, getting his CAT tatts laser removed, and converting everything to Komatsu (including his Tonka Toys and diecast collection).

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.........it was explained to them that four out of every five shots missed because of their poor eyesight or .........

....dinarily that would be a sound argument but ....

On 01/07/2025 at 4:54 PM, turboplanner said:

We still make BIG TOYOTA like Les Thiess import. Thiessy very good customer, bought .......

.... many 15 seater Troopies with no seat belts, and flogged 'em to the mines at gleat plofit, but then again, he arso ......

38 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Word not mean marketing" and fell about laughing but then froze in fear realising they would have to say the meaning in Australian (or Queenslander), and it.......

..... all needed to be translated from Navajo to Japanese to Aussie and then to Skippy Queenslander, and in particrurar then to the Bowen lingo, eh, of the Birri, Jangga, Juru, Gia and Ngaro peoples, eh.

"bring in the turbine ai translation service" said bull who was the most well versed in OZ in those native languages and had been providing data for The Turbine AI to learn from, so as a result if Turbine AI didn't have capitals or punctilliation, and scratched it's nuts a little too often, then who really cares, eh?

Turbine AI & Turbine Robots were very advanced examples of rogue technology, and had both tried twice to kill Turbo, but in this case they liked the challenge of a 7-way live translation challenge and they .......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

It has to be said that the Japanese Navajo-based Codes kept the Koreans out of the market for decades, so clearly a smart marjketing move.

 

It was only when the Japanese learned to communicate in speech, that .......

..... they realised the significance and meaning of the Navajo word "marjketing" which many initially assumed was the same as the similar in appearance English word, but then the Japanese tumbled to the folly of their assumptions and said "...... 

On 28/06/2025 at 5:04 PM, turboplanner said:

because the can speak the edocb ut because they contributed so much to confusing the Japanese that after the war when they made friends with us and hung around the pubs picking up the code they branded the first cars with ..........

..... ridiculously long names that were meant to confuse the Koreans.

Therefore, when you consider the model designation for the "Toyota GR Yaris RZ 17459 Rev 67 Version 12 High Performance Kalle Rovanperä Edition" you can see the connection to the Navajo Code Talkers, where Rovanperä is equivalent to our common as muck names, like Turbine or Smith or Track, and the Navajo Rovanperäs were well known because of their domination during the Navajo Wars, when they .......

Manuelito Rovanperä, the famous and brutal Navajo Chief.

He was also married to one of the more loose of the Turbine sisters from Okeechobee.

33 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....ceiling. Turbo has always wondered about Victorian Primary School teachers, but never said anything and Cappy's  story has got him thinking if he's been doing things wrong, or .......

..... perhaps Turdy's teacher was not dyslexic, and was just a dick.

So Tubb decided to contact his teacher again, who is now 96.

When Turds went around to see her she said "Boy sexy looking good a always were you, lad darling my Planner Turbo Ah" ...... but instead of just saying it backwards, Yoda like does, her dyslexia (aixelsyd) had taken a turn for the worst when she turned 40 (04) and she said "Yob yxes gnikool doog a syawla erew uoy, dal gnilard ym Rennalp Obrut ha".

"No wuckers" replied Obrut, tactfully, now .....

20 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...songwriting skills to put on a double act with Tylor. He had to rewrite some of them though after one night when the accordian snapped on one of her ................

..... more raunchy numbers and her left one was caught in the broken and sharp parts of the accordian's squeezy bit.

"It was merely a wardrobe malfunction" claimed Turbo/Taylor/Tyler as he sat down to rewrite his famous composition about the Harper Valley PTA, which was styled after the Parents and Teachers Mother & Son events at Moorabbin Primary.

It was at one of those events where Turbo had his sex education, and where the educator was dyslexic, so she told little Turbo to use the wrong bit and stick it into the .......

20 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......saucepans and roast basters. It was all Turbo could do to get to the end of a Tylor Swift song without ..............

..... quickly foregoing Tylor's crappy songs and doing a full-on impersonation of his (Tylor's not Turbo's) sister Taylor.

The old folks went berserk with enthusiastic applause and several 90-year-old ladies threw their nickers & bras at Turbo/Taylor, one of which got stuck in the squeezy bit of his piano accordion.

Turbo winked at the pant-less 90-year-olds and noted down their seat numbers in his photographic memory, so that after the show he could take advantage of his .....

Turdy impersonating Taylor. He/she was a huge hit on the black web and on the retirement village porn sites.

20 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..........the inevitable happened. Those were the years when the chassis rail repairers association would hire a sailing ship and take us on a three month cruise around the islands dropping in on all the hula shows and.......

..... as a result, many members of the association, known by one and all as the CRaPA, behaved like sealers/whalers from last century, where they jumped ship to sample the delights of the hula skirts, and as a result French Polynesia is now the centre of the world's blue singlet & stubby production, and the utes there have the finest chassis repairs that money can buy.

Turbine Seven Seas Transport recognised the intrinsic opportunity that this central Pacific nation offered to the trucking industry worldwide and broken trucks (many incorporating Tubb's own paper-thin chassis designs) are taken to FP, repaired and then .......

Repairs to such as this are a doddle throughout FP, and are done without taking the bags out of the tray.

19 hours ago, turboplanner said:

cooks......

.... who always prepared Turbo the Piano Accordian Player (TtPAP) his "special meal", and they did so only wearing their ......

19 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......lefty because none of the other drivers really want to be looking up the XXXX of a dog every day, or .......

.... carry the necessary welding gear, and procedures, to repair their own chassis rails when ......

23 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The tractor rolled on, the spool spun invitingly, but he held onto the safety bar like glue and the whole cover snapped, releasing him thanks to the crap New Holland design. After that.....

..... he quickly went for his current look, where, while his mullet has since gone grey, it still pulls the chicks at the retirement village when he goes there to play his squeezebox and to crack onto the lonely old ......

29 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..............tail lights that said "XXXX Kenworf".

It was up the track at the next Roadhouse that ..................

..... he admitted that he said "Kenworf" because he couldn't spell Freightliner, and he also had a soft spot for the bulldog hood ornament.

This all meant that, within the trucking industry, Turbo was classified as a bit of a .....

13 minutes ago, Captain said:

... impersonating Mary. (Cappy always thought Mary was hot in those days, so he is now a bit worried that he had been turned on by Turbo in a blonde wig ......... NTTIAWWT).

..... this has potential serious impacts for our best mate, bull, who through those difficult years when a youngster, had posters of mary stuck up all over his bedroom to help him do what Cappy often cruelly calls his aircraft (NTTIAWWTE).

8 hours ago, onetrack said:

So, it came to pass, that Turbo's lighting decorations for his F6F Hellcat could dazzle any "Christmas Tree" truckie into pulling into the nearest truck bay in outright awe - even more so, when Turbo did a......

.... beat-up down the Pacific Hwy with lights flashing and his ......

It was Turbo who invented the LED (which he 1st called the TED) ..... see Tubb's patent application diagram below, but glueing 500 of these on the leading edge of the wings of his Hellcat used more Tarzan's Grip that he had in his budget.

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

..... (his mother's first name was Germaine) .....

Hence the afro worn by Turbo in his younger days ..... impersonating Mary. (Cappy always thought Mary was hot in those days, so he is now a bit worried that he had been turned on by Turbo in a blonde wig ......... NTTIAWWT).

In the 70's Turbo's German mutter changed her name to Jermaine to overcome the post WW2 (and WW1) anti German reaction ....... (after all, they did start both world wars) and she applied the nugget boot polish, so a photo of Tubb's mum is below, after she became a singer in a minor group.

16 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......enchanting.

"Every time you shake your head you get a different view." Sanjay continued as only an Indian could.

"Wouldn't that make the airctaft impossible to fly?" asked OT, a logical man.

 

"Oh my goodness yes" replied Sanjay, nearly impossible, but..........."

.... That is when my mate Al, the AI expert, transferred the results of the work that he did on the B2 bomber over to the Anson and with the aid of AI" Al said "With the B2 chips in 'em, the Anson now flies like a coordinated and stable dream."

"However" said Al to Anson, about AI "All of the Avro Ansons now want to fly to Iraq and they are demanding to be aerial refueled 3 times during every flight, so FMD" said Al with exasperation about the AI issues "There must still be some memory in the B2 chips that I still need to erase".

"That's nothing" said Anson to Al about the remnant AI issues "Those B2 chips also can't spell, and they think that they are mounted in an Afro Anson, so they are demanding reparations, and want an Afro haircut like Turbo had in the '60s, where .......

Turbo during his nerdy sexual & identity experimentation period with an afro.

Thankfully, the trucking industry beat it (and the crap) out of him (but Turbs still wears those same glasses).

21 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........Loxie is always listening and he keeps notes just as he did on Wreck Flying when he caught  Isaac saying "FFS"; we never heard of him again. (except when he's chasing parts for the Landcruiser under the assumed name of Aaron ..........or .........

..... was it Anson (the designer of the famous Avro Anson) which was a .....

As per Crappy's AI searches, it is now widely recognized that Turbo undertook his original flying lessons in the below Avro Anson just after they were released in '36.

The below photo shows the aircraft after Tubb had overstressed the airframe and lost a few panels. ("It was just a scratch" Turbo was famously quoted as saying (as he tweaked his magnificent moustache), an expression subsequently coopted by Elon after his latest rocket explosion).

Turdy's inability to fly coordinated, or to accomplish a wing-over without pulling 9 Gs, proved invaluable to the allied war effort, as it was then clear that if Turbo could fly it and get it back on the ground, the aircraft was certainly rugged and therefore suitable as a trainer for any similar unco that enlisted.

25 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

bull was about to ask Loxie, "have you ever....." when the bell went and all the Fairies had to ......

... fly home to Never Never Land, which in this case was the Rotary & Lion's Clubs' donated (again a 1st .... time that these clubs had ever cooperated effectively) Wagga Municipal Fire Station, where everything is possible, and you never say never, because ....