Captain

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Albo flew [avref] into .........

..... a coniptionicious rage and stamped his feet, such that he almost stepped on his poodle, and also on Jodie's cat, which would have hurt a lot and would have needed an NDIS .....

9 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......pop up clinic, and had to wait 17 hours until it popped up.

Ron's mood was not good and he abused the Doctor. This wasn't a good start because since Albo had been tightening the screws, the Doc had lost his BMW, his beach house, his annual holiday to Bali, and his two nurses, one of which was .................. 

...... a provider of "Special Services" under some obscure rip-off clause of the NDIS ...... and she bulk-billed, because she did it a lot.

"If I found one of those nurses to have of my very own, I'd marry her" commented Bluey "And while that would likely kill me, I'd happily ........

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......has aileronitis, and certainly not as bad as the does Cappy picked up in the back streets of Bombay. NES readers will remember that Cappy's ..........................

.... impressive group of medals from the Khyber campaign, includes the VD and scar.

However, on a more serious note, the ailing Ron was taken to a .....

On 25/04/2025 at 1:00 PM, turboplanner said:

.........ailerons, and even though I don't believe in ailerons, they do give me ......

.... the irits" said Bluey "As I know Ron really well, and he has certainly been pretty crook, although I'm not certain that you could say that he .....

5 hours ago, onetrack said:

......a big, gaily-decorated bus to run the mini-skirted miners around the aerodrome, and to carry the multitude of aircraft spares needed for their equally-diverse range of outrageous aerobatic aircraft, some of which were obviously very "girly", which led to jeers from the.........

.... Broken Hill Wino and Druggies Cooperative, who, given the popularity of gay 60s effemera in Broken Hill, could now only find an occasional thong at Vinnies or at the tip.

"I don't like wearing thongs" commented Bluey "As even when you wear them the right way around, they still chafe your .....

15 minutes ago, onetrack said:

..... "For a start, why is the local Chinese restaurant the polling station, and what's with the big red.............

..... flag and the rather poncy looking 6 ft high sparkly good ruck Chinese cat, with the rather gay waving paw, and the appetite for 50 AA batteries every 24 hours. This all just has to be a .......

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The problem started when they began launching their campaigns, and saying .......

..... flee money. We give flee money, just rike Arblo."

"Bugger that" said Bluey who had just come out of the pub for a slash and to see what the noise was all about. "We've got enough leaches and mozzies, so you can stick your cash for fleas."

"No, you dipstick (he actually said "dipshit" but Cappy always cleans up his posts in case his mum reads it). We mean lots'a yuan for flee, and a .......

On 08/04/2025 at 11:57 AM, turboplanner said:

......perform his signature "Double Hammerhead from Circuit Height" This person was known as "Chopper" because he had no teeth. He rarely landed at the airfield at which he performed his DHCH, usually picked a perfect paddock behind a hill and used a different registration every flight. The CASA FoIs had been after him for years and when Albo was Minister for Air..................... 

..... Thingys, he ran that Department as well as he has run the Country since.

In other words, the Department of Air Thingys (the DOAT) was f#@&$d, and ......

44 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......16 of the flyins didn't read tgeir ERSAs and got tangled up in the netting balls that roll across the W sands endlessly, never catching a single rabbit and 16 lost undercarriages and props after landing in burrows (the burros of BigRabbits), 7 got lost in South Australia and one called the Broken Hill Tower with "Gday Mate, do I land to the left or the right, to which the Tower replied ........"..... 

 

 

"G'day to you too mate. We don't stand on ceremony here, mate, so it's up to you and the only request that we make is that you miss the 2 crop dusters and those couple of RPTs that are dicking around in the circuit".

"No wuckers" he replied and cranked up full throttle to .....

58 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........Rabbit was the staple diet of W and they were shooting their food supply. We all know what's happening to New Zealand as the Cattle producers get rid of their stock in the noble quest of NZ achieving Nett Zero. They now have Nett ............

.... ing from Choppers (avref) which often get caught in the trees, so most often Zero Nets.

"Thut's close enough" said Dame Jacinda as she flew (avref) off to Davos, where the cocaine & hookers reminded everyone of that special commemorative Fly-In (avref) in W, when .......

On 05/04/2025 at 10:32 PM, turboplanner said:

........."no! no!" from the cockies in NSW but the W's quietly looked at each other and smiled. Before long there wouldn't be too many ..........................

.... bunnies west of the fence, and BumThruster kits all but sold out (even after the factory in Southern Cross doubled production, and the Lithgow Large Arms 20 mm cannon factory reopened), based on the fun to be had strafing rabbit warrens with 20 mil cannon fire.

The W Cockies welcomed it because they all loath wascally wabbits, until they wealised that ......

On 05/04/2025 at 7:26 PM, onetrack said:

..... alacrity .....

Congratulations to Onesie for the use of such a word in the NES and his single-handed effort to raise the tone ....... It is great to see that such terms have eventually made their way over to W, even against the prevailing winds.

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.........noting that the wing on that Imp was the one from the modified Thruster built by JohnnyD, the one that..................

..... Jack Brabham also took part of, and that won him the .....

5 hours ago, onetrack said:

........send an unsuspecting test pilot on the initial flight of the BunnThruster, because no-one in their right mind would.........

..... ever put one in the rear of a BummThruster.

"I would" said Harry, who was able to get the Imp engine sounding like a mid-engined V8, and whom Cappy had watched in admiration while sitting on or under his struggle-rug, with various young ladies at Oran Park, when .....

The Lefoe Imp, going like a cut cat at OP

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The 1st one responded that since the 2nd one had made a calculation mistaking the weights for the balance hence the 12 foot tail, a mistake his 12 year old son pointed out before they attempted to take off, he was to blame for his own mistakes. The 2nd one refused to accept this, got in the car, a Hillman Hunter, and called into the AUF Office in Canberra where an official came out and 

.....

..... asked him to move the Hillman, as the AUF had a reputation to protect.

"But this is the very car that Paddy & Turbo drove in the London to Sydney" he replied.

"And it looks it too" replied the AUF official who drives an AUF supplied 911, and didn't want it devalued by a .....

On 03/04/2025 at 11:03 AM, turboplanner said:

...unloaded in the men's shed and there was great discussion, and there were speeches from each one on how their modification to the simple Thruster was so much better, how to cut tubing (88 contributions) where to put the fuel tank (132 contributions) whether the Bunnings wheelbarrow tyres were better than the crap tyres from Airways Pine (284 contributions over 3 years) and the first one was ready for its test flight in a mere 60 months (the last five would never be finished despite their builders offering the most prolific contributions drawn from all over the world). Such was the level of innovation and skill in the AUF and the first two, interesting looking machines, lined up for their test flights......

....., but on the 1st one, the bit that looked like a dunny role holder, fell off on the taxiway and punctured the port side tyre on the 2nd one, which, due to RS weight and balance calculations, then nosed over to experience a propeller strike and a resultant bent prop shaft & a buggered crank.

The owner of the 2nd "aircraft" was pretty crank-ey too, and he .......

11 hours ago, onetrack said:

.........use as the control column. One bloke found a big Chinese lawnmower on special, whereby the engine would make a superb power plant for the Bunnthruster, another bloke found some big umbrellas in the Home and Garden section, which would yield some excellent material for wing and fuselage covering (and it was UV-proof, too! - Bonus!)....but the real finds came in the Plumbing dept, where........

..... there was some past the use-by-date PVC tubing which had been out in the yard in the sun since 1985, but which was cheap and on special.

While talking with a Buntings technical specialist in the tubing department, Team Member Doubtfire (who was working her 2nd or 3rd job) thought deeply about his question and then advised "PVC tube is much stronger than the equivalent size in alumaminamumiam, or even 304 stainless, and PVC is totally unaffected by UV light, so I'd say you are on a winner, flyboy".

Because Doubtfire had a good set, and agreed to have a coffee with him at the Buntings Coffee Shop, he accepted all that she said, bought the job lot, and he ........

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....plan to build a Thruster that actually looked like an aircraft rather than an open-air long drop dunny.

 

They learned how to weld, and the group visits to Bunnings gave them knowledge of the difference between a bolt and a screw. Some picked this up quickly but it was obvious that others had their minds on different things.

 

The first thing they bought was .........

..... a seat that did not have a hole in it, followed by a bent piece of metal that could conceivably hold a dunny roll, but was actually for ..........

4 hours ago, bull said:

..... indoctrinated all the new .....

.... welders with the ethos "They are only Truckies + they are only Mextorians, so you have to expect to break a few eggs if you want to make some omelettes".

This also worked well as the lead-in mantra for his other moneymaker, the CT Cooking School, which is held in the 3-acre outdoor play area at the Men's Shed (The shed employed a switched-on accountant & had cashed in on Julia's free school shed program, after the Men's Shed had been renamed the "DG Madrassa of Peace, Understanding & Bombmaking" for 3 months until the $5 million shed grant came through).

The trainee truck welders and cooks had a lot in common and always had lunch together out under the Julia Gillard Memorial Shelter Shed, when they often discussed the ....... 

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

They were allowd to be registered as DG Trucks (Dangerous Goods) trucks the same as Fuel Tankers and had to carry the same placarding, including the owners name.

One nororious GBT pulled over by the W Highway Patrol had a placard stolen from the Kalgoorlie strip  reading "For a Good Time, phone Rosie on 0342 223 123."

..... , and it is little known that Rosie is OT's nom-de-plume when contributing to the forums (fora?) on the AOPA, AAPA, OZALPA and the SAAA websites, such is OT's desire to inform all other pilots of the benefits of living in W. (Turbo, on the other hand also contributes jewels of knowledge to those Fora, but he does it just to p**% them all off, same like he does here).

While DG Trucks does indeed designate "Dangerous Goods", it is also little known that the CT has a sideline building them in a production line in the DG Men's Shed, as a sideline to his Advanced Welding Course (This has been invaluable in providing practical lessons on the issues around the failure of high tensile steel after welding [and after all what are a few fatalities on the expressway out of DG, when they are only Mextorians] when welders need to be taught), where he ........ 

21 hours ago, Captain said:

..... and, of course, the W folk also like to have a good ......

..... giggle at the major eastern corporations like The Turbine Corporation and its titular head.

After all, in W they just have to walk 25 m off any road to find gold, and to top up their bank accounts ..... nobody in W actually has to work, other than to pick up nuggets.

And if a W person is doing a DIY concreting job they can get their sand from within 2 m of where they are standing. (Bunnings still cannot work out why the sales of sand are so depressed in their Trady Section).

The free availability of gold nuggets has, however, caused ......

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Victoria; the hidden gem; still sand eater and riverina rat free!

Don't get the CHOP! Buy Turbine Machettes! only six left!

 

Mind you, dear readers, Turbine Machetes are akin to a combination of Christopher Scase, Sam Bankman Fried, Bernie Madof and W's own Big Al Bond, in that they have sold thousands of their machetes and have always had six left. Just check them out on ebay, ali baba & craig's list.

But also note the fine print that if you want them sharpened, they cost 4 times as much. 

.... particularly when they are not ASIC.

By way of explanation, WA people often drop off the last letters of words because they are either indolent or lackadaisical or koalaful (which is the WA equivalent of slothful).

Therefore, they often just say that they are from W, and they all nod knowingly, whereas the Easterners say W ------ TF? ............ and ASIC, in West Australianeze means that you are asymptomatic to sickness.

But don't get me wrong, dear readers, particularly those of you from overseas (many of whom quote the NES as your prime reason to emigrate to our Great South Land), our colleagues from the W are sometimes lovely, worldly people, such as Rose Hancock, Dr. Twiggy Slight Amount of Bushyness, Marky Mark, & Prince Leonard, ........ and, of course, the W folk also like to have a good ......

14 hours ago, onetrack said:

However, rest assured, the Premier is advising the Govt has your best interests at heart, and our teams of online assistants, based in local regions such as India, Pakistan, Malaysia, Indonesia, and even the Cook Islands, are all standing by, and willing to offer help - once they can verify your identify with a 100 point check, ensure you have introduced no diseases from other States, that were picked up during your travels, and that you have your credit card ready with.........

.... payment pre-approved in Vicmanistan Dinars, Sudanese Pounds, or with a written barter authorization (a WBA) for at least one 28" machete, however the office that checks such things is not open during Ramadan and will next open at 9 am on Good Friday.

The only comparison between WA and Vicmanistan is therefore, that ......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

........they shake your hand, but never shout in a pub, or .......

.... they ask you to pay to refuel the 90% empty fuel tank when they offer to take you for a 10-minute single circuit in their Jackoff (avrefs galore).

This, and the above unblokey, crass example cited by Turbo, clearly indicates that the WA Citizenry have degenerated to simply be a bunch of c........