Captain

On 05/03/2024 at 9:49 AM, Captain said:

The boss of GreenPiss issued a press statement that said "Bull will make the Pacific Ocean look like the Sahara Desert, except wetter, ......... and this is a blow for humanity, World Peace, Global Warming, Continental Cooling and the little fishies, ....... as Captain Bull is one of the most effective .......

Dear Readers and Concerned Citizens of the World. The above statement has come true in a frightening fashion, as Captain Bull has devastated the NZ WhiteBait industry up and down the NZ west coast, by employing his new long-line technique (The CptBT), over just a few weeks he has decimated the whitebait fish stocks. This has however meant that Whitebait is now a staple of the Queensland Tourist Industry.

When asked for a comment, live on the Morning Show, Capt. Bull said "Sure the hooks are tiny and it takes a long time to bait each one of them, plus we use 5 kms of sewing cotton as the long-line, but it has been a pleasure to apply good old Qld knowhow and wipe out this Kiwi delicacy before rebirthing it in the great state of Qld".

A typical Capt. Bull WhiteBait catch, by the tens of thousands of tonnes. (The hooks have been removed).

A typical Qld WhiteBait Fritter .... also using best quality Qld grass. This has become the Qld State Dish to be served as every meal at the Olympics ...... which have also been named after Capt. Bull..

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......witness should Jehova come along and .......

..... hand out a free Flight Manual + a voucher for a TIF.

They would then add "We'd like to talk to you about to holy triumvirate of Cessna, Turbine Industry's and .....

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

.......go back to the Mosque with a 44 of 5 day old prawns and dump them on the steps, and tell the worshippers that Allah had now deemed the Mosque unclean, and they now had to...........

..... become Catholic and learn to preach the Latin Mass.

Either that, or play the tambourine on a street corner and be a .....

..... the Pollies realised that the praws were raw and were "splattered" post use.

"That's no good" said Tony Burke, who is one, "As we thought this was a seafood banquet and we would all go back home with a 44 of fresh cooked prawns. At least that's what I told the boys at the Bankstown mosque and I'll be stoned unto death if I don't come home with a couple of tons of halal certified prawns".

The ever resourceful Bull had a suggestion,  which was to ........

Halal certification requires that each prawn have its throat cut, one by one, by the Mufti in Bone while he said a 20 minute prayer and called for jihad against everybody else.

3 hours ago, bull said:

...had been left in the sun for days....the smell was...............

.... eminently appropriate for the manner in which Albo is on the nose around the Electorates. As a result, an observer's video of Bull prawning Albo went viral.

Soon Bull was giving live interviews, and instructional videos about "Prawning Politicians",  live via his trawler's Starlink connection and by using the professional video team that Capt Bull had hired as crew, who were most often seasick and couldn't catch fish for ......

.... the equivalent of a small version of the lion's enema, by the result in Dunkley, and his back teeth were awash, plus Paul Keeting had given Penny Wong a good reaming, so Albo took it out on Captain Bull by .....

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.....Sea Captains in Australian History (except for Captain Cook of course) AND he can fly a Jacka, or several other home made planes.

"They weren't home made!" bristled Captain Bull, "I built them when I was a chef at the Bone RSL!"

 

The comment was changed to "several other cooked and slotted planes" and everyone was happy except .......

..... for the Secretary/Manager at the Bone Rissole.

"1st we had reports that Bull had allowed himself to be taken advantage of by the CWA ladies, and now I am advised that he has been building his Jackoff and/or other aircraft while cooking here. If he can achieve all that while staying under the radar (avref) he deserves promotion to be ......

3 hours ago, bull said:

................heading out to sea from Queensland ,so the Hobart report was false, now Bull was seen prepping up a long line to set using all the new bait supplied by turdine cat farms . A few days later his boat was seen coming into port at Bundaberg loaded to the gills with king prawns and squid,bloody good bait said Bull. Now this did not impress the .......

 

Cappy congratulates Bull, as his new fine vessel and his position of great responsibility obviously contains a keyboard with a caps/shift function that works. Now THAT is ImPrEsSiVe.

....... Japanese and Chinese longline community who now need to compete at a disadvantage ("This not fair or leasonable" they craimed in a pless lerease), ........ plus Bull is sooo effective & efficient with his fishing techniques that Greenpeace are mounting a campaign to stop him desecrating the great Pacific Ocean & the Planet as a whole.

The boss of GreenPiss issued a press statement that said "Bull will make the Pacific Ocean look like the Sahara Desert, except wetter, ......... and this is a blow for humanity, World Peace, Global Warming, Continental Cooling and the little fishies, ....... as Captain Bull is one of the most effective .......

14 hours ago, onetrack said:

(and dear NES readers, we can now show you a secretly-acquired photo of bull proudly wearing his TCF gift while he goes on a major shopping expedition in Central Hobart. This photo will be Exhibit A in bull's upcoming corruption trial......)

 

 

Above, dear readers, is a rare photo of our compatriot and good mate, bull, standing up straight.

Normally he looks more like Charlie Laughton playing the Hunchback of Notre Dame (before the joint burnt down) and the cat is therefore partly upside down, partly strangled and certainly looking less contented.

Below shows bull and the Coffee Lady having a tender moment in the grounds of the hospital. If you look closely you can see his scar.

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......try to get the jump on Turbo.  He thought quickly and fed them to the lions. Albo didn't need to worry about the "name" coming out, the press moved on until someone noticed...........................

...... a small piece of cerise jump suit and a length of crutch zipper sticking out of a lion's mouth at the Hobart Zoo (these were a breeding pair, except that someone had forgotten that you needed at least one lady lion).

nuthn to see here said bull using his elevated standing in hobart society to protect turbs from prosecution 

In typical Tazzy fashion, all papers and evidence from the investigation by Tasmania's finest was lost the next day, the lion was given a 50 gallon enema to get rid any other evidence and bull ......

..... in company with the Tasmanian CFI in his jump suit & e-paulettes, both with the intention to .....

59 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...........Pekinese Rockies."

Turbo realised then that the Chinese had cloned his cats and were, even as we speak, operating a Giant Cat Farm. This couldn't be allowed to go on so ........

..... Turbo called another of his close mates who is the boss of ASIO & who gave him the name of a well known Labor politician who could get this all sorted with the CCP, and thereby prevent the cloned 10 ft Chinese moggies from blanketing Aussie and eating ......

It is only fair, however, that Cappy acknowledge, here & now, the great work done on such short notice by Clarry's Chinese Cat Cloning Conglomerate Company (the well known CCCCCC) for blanketing OZ with lion sized pussies, however 40 million kangaroos also needed to die in short order to make their manes, although when diced up the roos also made great Short Soup and Pork Spling Lolls.

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....authentic. This upset many in the Nationals who were then required to go many to their thousands of tribes and suggest they gird their loins. Since most of them had been wearing Armani suits for three generations, this didn't go down well.

Oppshuk, from the Coast Salesh, who was in the middle of setting up his CNC machine to carve a new Totem Pole which he had just sold to the Guggenheim for $14 million, was not amused, so he ................

..... started to grid his lions using the WD084 mercator projection and ended up with 1 lion per square perch.

"Where did you get that many lions from, in what is, effectively, a non-lion country." asked Turbo, who was midway through incorporating Turbine Carnivors P/L.

"Well" replied Oppshuk (known as Oppy to his mates) "That is a very interesting question, young TurdBro, because I have found a secret stash in the ........

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Leader Mik-Muk suggested they .............................

..... gird their loins in order to be ........

..... the Mi'kmaqs from Nova Scotia, and from Toorac [known around the local coffee shops as RacMaks] (those Mi'kmaqs had done alright for themselves & pocketed a good quid during the industrial revolution), who thought that they could also contribute by teaching the Aussie aboriginal people's how to make a bow, and how to fletch an arrow.

"We don't want no new fangled weapons down here, eh" said Tommy Praise-Mayo, "As .......

2 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......committee of four people drawn from ........................

.... a wide ranging base of ethnic and economic subgroups, which ....

31 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......could set up a Panel to delegate a person of substance ................

... who would, of course, be bipartisan in their quest to form a ......

..... Special Subcommittee that .....

..... formed a bipartisan Committee to investigate forming a Group to assemble a Committee of Inquiry to consider ........

38 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......got upset because the Dingos were only being driven by the ferals who just ignored CASA and didn't wash. 

So the good Doctor .....................

..... included 44 gallons of Dingo liquid soap with each purchase, CASA reacted by adding a Clean And Sterile Actiongroup to their power structure and the Dingo sales ......

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

....people might get more interested in chucking dirt around than flying, and of course his fears came true; today there are hundreds of thousands of young people digging here, shifting dirt there, planting trees there, and no CASA to worry about.

It wasn't until ..............

......  CASA added their CONSTRUCTION AT SPEED AUTHORITY that they buggered up the construction industry too, by requiring 100 hourly tear-downs and all operators over 16 to have 2 medicals each year and be swabbed for any sign of excessive enjoyment.

With that, Dingo sales dried up and the Doc got really ......

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The Peak Hill Shell Service Station paid five pounds for a licence to build dingos and Azlika bought the second one built, Serial No 5........................

.....13654876.78.66557, with all numbers after the initial 5, being the number of patents that the Doc took out on the dingo. "Noone is going to knock off my design" said the Doc and these are robust machines that will last a lifetime, as evidenced by the fact that a sublicence has been issued to remove the wings and add a digger extension ............ and the Dingo mini-digger was born.

The Doc loved the design and his only reservation was that ......

The 1st of the non flying Dingos. As can be seen, the wing attachment holes have been bogged up and painted red.

6 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

It was also the short era of the Dingo, a tiny aircraft designed and built in Australia by a Doctor, and which today would fit nicely into the Recreational Aircraft category - an underpowered engine needing constant maintenance and flying vices that would make Mata Hari look a saint.

 

Not many people know about Dr Cook who came from Peak Hill in NSW. He would two the aircraft up Peak Hill, turn it around, put on his Operating Theatre suit and rubber gloves, and help the low-powered engine by taking off and flying down the hill in the boundary layer. There are old copies of the WreckFlyne forum of the  1890s, hand-written of course, with diagrammes and notations by the good Doctor, including the epic .......................

 

..... postscript after the Peak Hill became the Peak Quarry and subsequently the Peak Big Pit.

This newfound mining wealth turned Peak Hill into the outback equivalent of Peppermint Grove and this meant a lot to the Doc and his Dingo, which with typical medical black humor, he named Az ......

14 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.............sure sign of a poor upbringing, possibly in a school run by .............

.... one of the Cook family teaching dynasties that .....

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

One young exec, who used "reach out" instead of "email" or "phone" (as in "I'll reach out to the customer rather than I'll phone the customer), and words like "woke" and "gaslighting"..........

..... although it is recognised that these words are essential & relevant whenever the gas actually needs to be lit, or one needs to transition from slumber, however the use of such words during a dissertation on the merits of the female form in aviation and their suitability to actually be in charge of anything mechanical, other than a dishwasher, was a .......