Captain

15 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

[One notes that Cappy has used embedded brackets (EB) this is rarely seen in today's society, more's the pity.]

Cappy is very appreciative of Turbo's perceptive note showing his appreciation of the lost art of embedded bracketeering. These types of punctuation are who we are as a people.

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......ate sticky buns covered in flys which quickly attracted flights of Queensland Crows.

Tourists from the South have always been dismissive of the QCs which caw in a most feminine way, especialy whem they are flying or ..........

..... sitting around like the Birds in Alfy's film, see below.

Those same southern tourists are unaware that more people die from attacks by QCs, than are killed annually by Saltys (same with dogs), so ........

A gaggle of QCs on the playset outside the Bone Rissole.

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

He carried this on to adulthood, the photos now digital and AI enhanced. Every grubby, smelly Pub in Queensland was represented. And because there were so many flies crawling on them he started a collection on flies and joined the Queensland Fly Spotters Association, an offshoot of the AUF whose members also seemed to have a lot of flies around them and .........

.... they all used to joke about the irony (AUF members are all real dags (flyref) & students of irony) of flying (avref) to the QFSA meetings where they also ......

2 hours ago, bull said:

............many cases of diarrhea and increase the prawn yield. Suddenly out of the blue Turdy came flying............

.... to contribute, namesake wize.

The decimation of the whitebait stocks and Capt Bull's targeting of Banana Dolphins ultimately brought attention from several GreenPiss boats that closed quickly with Capt Bull's lovely blue vessel, and they sprayed him with water just like they did with the Japanese whaling freet.

However  Capt Bull was waaaayyyy smarter and organized his tourist passengers, including Turbo, into a wet Tshirt competition, and boy were there some beauties on board.

It has been a well recognized fact over the years (he is on a WTshirt Offenders List in Bone following that incident with the see-through Tshirts at the CWA AGM) that Capt Bull's is very partial to the sight of .....

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......although I am from Wagga Wagga, I am human. At this it seemed that many in the crowd were not convinced. Perhaps it was the peroxide hair, perhaps it was the tattoos, perhaps it was the fact that se was from New South Wales, a dingy little State compared with Queensland or Tasmania or even Victoria. As the rumbling grew louder, ....................

..... she ordered the VicPol rubber bullet firing group to surround her, facing outwards towards the Press in case there were any curly questions, and had an aircraft (avref) warming up at Tulla in the manner of a frightened dictator ready to leave the country >with a flightplan filed to Strahan), and ......

A Mextorian eating what had been sold to her at the Turbine Fish Market as a Banana Prawn at $75/kg.

The Banana Dolphin, currently protected in Mextoria.

..... dose of the .....

.... however they just did not understand the economics of travelling across the ditch, baiting & deploying 100,000 hooks, dehooking each whitebait as it thrashed about, keeping them all alive for the trip back over the Tasman, individually numbering them and putting them in tanks up & down the Qld coast, so that customers could choose their own and then have it despatched in front of them via a unique Qld Harrikarri manner before cooking and presenting it to the customer in a flourish of ....

13 hours ago, onetrack said:

there was a Turbine Languages division, within the Turbine Conglomerate of global operations.

Many westerners thought that this was a noble initiative by Turbo, to teach languages in order to make the world a better place ....... and bi, tri or quattro-lingual.

But no .......................................... the Turbine Languages Division (TLD) actually makes-up brand-new languages and sells them (at a considerable markup) to the World Economic Forum, which use them to further oppress the peasants, wherever they find them.

(This further explains Turbo's absence from the NES around mid-January each year, as it turns out that Turbo has been admitted to the WEF Club of 1000 and he goes to Davos each year. He makes a real splash when he flies in with a beat-up (sorry ....... a missed approach) and then by buzzing the tower, in his private F16, and he is much loved there, possibly being groomed to succeed Klaus.)

12 hours ago, onetrack said:

As result, he called on Turbo to request his help, as he knew there was a Turbine Languages division, within the Turbine Conglomerate of global operations.

Turbo said, "Ahmed, I can do a great deal for you. It involves a little bit of running through Gaza tunnels, but I'm sure you'll be up to it! All you have to do is.......

...... knock off the thousands of little green exit signs that show an arrow and the little green man running for the exit, and bring them to be rebirthed by Turbine Signs, ....... plus grab a couple of thousand Emergency Assembly Point signs too, as we can reuse those as well. And I'll pay a generous bonus if you can get me a "Penny Wong Memorial Tunnel" sign too, as .......

On 05/03/2024 at 9:49 AM, Captain said:

The boss of GreenPiss issued a press statement that said "Bull will make the Pacific Ocean look like the Sahara Desert, except wetter, ......... and this is a blow for humanity, World Peace, Global Warming, Continental Cooling and the little fishies, ....... as Captain Bull is one of the most effective .......

Dear Readers and Concerned Citizens of the World. The above statement has come true in a frightening fashion, as Captain Bull has devastated the NZ WhiteBait industry up and down the NZ west coast, by employing his new long-line technique (The CptBT), over just a few weeks he has decimated the whitebait fish stocks. This has however meant that Whitebait is now a staple of the Queensland Tourist Industry.

When asked for a comment, live on the Morning Show, Capt. Bull said "Sure the hooks are tiny and it takes a long time to bait each one of them, plus we use 5 kms of sewing cotton as the long-line, but it has been a pleasure to apply good old Qld knowhow and wipe out this Kiwi delicacy before rebirthing it in the great state of Qld".

A typical Capt. Bull WhiteBait catch, by the tens of thousands of tonnes. (The hooks have been removed).

A typical Qld WhiteBait Fritter .... also using best quality Qld grass. This has become the Qld State Dish to be served as every meal at the Olympics ...... which have also been named after Capt. Bull..

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......witness should Jehova come along and .......

..... hand out a free Flight Manual + a voucher for a TIF.

They would then add "We'd like to talk to you about to holy triumvirate of Cessna, Turbine Industry's and .....

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

.......go back to the Mosque with a 44 of 5 day old prawns and dump them on the steps, and tell the worshippers that Allah had now deemed the Mosque unclean, and they now had to...........

..... become Catholic and learn to preach the Latin Mass.

Either that, or play the tambourine on a street corner and be a .....

..... the Pollies realised that the praws were raw and were "splattered" post use.

"That's no good" said Tony Burke, who is one, "As we thought this was a seafood banquet and we would all go back home with a 44 of fresh cooked prawns. At least that's what I told the boys at the Bankstown mosque and I'll be stoned unto death if I don't come home with a couple of tons of halal certified prawns".

The ever resourceful Bull had a suggestion,  which was to ........

Halal certification requires that each prawn have its throat cut, one by one, by the Mufti in Bone while he said a 20 minute prayer and called for jihad against everybody else.

3 hours ago, bull said:

...had been left in the sun for days....the smell was...............

.... eminently appropriate for the manner in which Albo is on the nose around the Electorates. As a result, an observer's video of Bull prawning Albo went viral.

Soon Bull was giving live interviews, and instructional videos about "Prawning Politicians",  live via his trawler's Starlink connection and by using the professional video team that Capt Bull had hired as crew, who were most often seasick and couldn't catch fish for ......

.... the equivalent of a small version of the lion's enema, by the result in Dunkley, and his back teeth were awash, plus Paul Keeting had given Penny Wong a good reaming, so Albo took it out on Captain Bull by .....

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.....Sea Captains in Australian History (except for Captain Cook of course) AND he can fly a Jacka, or several other home made planes.

"They weren't home made!" bristled Captain Bull, "I built them when I was a chef at the Bone RSL!"

 

The comment was changed to "several other cooked and slotted planes" and everyone was happy except .......

..... for the Secretary/Manager at the Bone Rissole.

"1st we had reports that Bull had allowed himself to be taken advantage of by the CWA ladies, and now I am advised that he has been building his Jackoff and/or other aircraft while cooking here. If he can achieve all that while staying under the radar (avref) he deserves promotion to be ......

3 hours ago, bull said:

................heading out to sea from Queensland ,so the Hobart report was false, now Bull was seen prepping up a long line to set using all the new bait supplied by turdine cat farms . A few days later his boat was seen coming into port at Bundaberg loaded to the gills with king prawns and squid,bloody good bait said Bull. Now this did not impress the .......

 

Cappy congratulates Bull, as his new fine vessel and his position of great responsibility obviously contains a keyboard with a caps/shift function that works. Now THAT is ImPrEsSiVe.

....... Japanese and Chinese longline community who now need to compete at a disadvantage ("This not fair or leasonable" they craimed in a pless lerease), ........ plus Bull is sooo effective & efficient with his fishing techniques that Greenpeace are mounting a campaign to stop him desecrating the great Pacific Ocean & the Planet as a whole.

The boss of GreenPiss issued a press statement that said "Bull will make the Pacific Ocean look like the Sahara Desert, except wetter, ......... and this is a blow for humanity, World Peace, Global Warming, Continental Cooling and the little fishies, ....... as Captain Bull is one of the most effective .......

14 hours ago, onetrack said:

(and dear NES readers, we can now show you a secretly-acquired photo of bull proudly wearing his TCF gift while he goes on a major shopping expedition in Central Hobart. This photo will be Exhibit A in bull's upcoming corruption trial......)

 

 

Above, dear readers, is a rare photo of our compatriot and good mate, bull, standing up straight.

Normally he looks more like Charlie Laughton playing the Hunchback of Notre Dame (before the joint burnt down) and the cat is therefore partly upside down, partly strangled and certainly looking less contented.

Below shows bull and the Coffee Lady having a tender moment in the grounds of the hospital. If you look closely you can see his scar.

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......try to get the jump on Turbo.  He thought quickly and fed them to the lions. Albo didn't need to worry about the "name" coming out, the press moved on until someone noticed...........................

...... a small piece of cerise jump suit and a length of crutch zipper sticking out of a lion's mouth at the Hobart Zoo (these were a breeding pair, except that someone had forgotten that you needed at least one lady lion).

nuthn to see here said bull using his elevated standing in hobart society to protect turbs from prosecution 

In typical Tazzy fashion, all papers and evidence from the investigation by Tasmania's finest was lost the next day, the lion was given a 50 gallon enema to get rid any other evidence and bull ......

..... in company with the Tasmanian CFI in his jump suit & e-paulettes, both with the intention to .....

59 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...........Pekinese Rockies."

Turbo realised then that the Chinese had cloned his cats and were, even as we speak, operating a Giant Cat Farm. This couldn't be allowed to go on so ........

..... Turbo called another of his close mates who is the boss of ASIO & who gave him the name of a well known Labor politician who could get this all sorted with the CCP, and thereby prevent the cloned 10 ft Chinese moggies from blanketing Aussie and eating ......

It is only fair, however, that Cappy acknowledge, here & now, the great work done on such short notice by Clarry's Chinese Cat Cloning Conglomerate Company (the well known CCCCCC) for blanketing OZ with lion sized pussies, however 40 million kangaroos also needed to die in short order to make their manes, although when diced up the roos also made great Short Soup and Pork Spling Lolls.

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....authentic. This upset many in the Nationals who were then required to go many to their thousands of tribes and suggest they gird their loins. Since most of them had been wearing Armani suits for three generations, this didn't go down well.

Oppshuk, from the Coast Salesh, who was in the middle of setting up his CNC machine to carve a new Totem Pole which he had just sold to the Guggenheim for $14 million, was not amused, so he ................

..... started to grid his lions using the WD084 mercator projection and ended up with 1 lion per square perch.

"Where did you get that many lions from, in what is, effectively, a non-lion country." asked Turbo, who was midway through incorporating Turbine Carnivors P/L.

"Well" replied Oppshuk (known as Oppy to his mates) "That is a very interesting question, young TurdBro, because I have found a secret stash in the ........

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Leader Mik-Muk suggested they .............................

..... gird their loins in order to be ........

..... the Mi'kmaqs from Nova Scotia, and from Toorac [known around the local coffee shops as RacMaks] (those Mi'kmaqs had done alright for themselves & pocketed a good quid during the industrial revolution), who thought that they could also contribute by teaching the Aussie aboriginal people's how to make a bow, and how to fletch an arrow.

"We don't want no new fangled weapons down here, eh" said Tommy Praise-Mayo, "As .......