Captain

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....asked to see it. Eventually, for a satisfactory price he pulled it out and the assembled group gasped; it was the genuine 1337 Spanish Goldoon, one of only two ever minted, and .........

.... that, plus some old press statements, was the basis for proving OT's involvement in minting.

As a result of a short Court case (not Margaret Court, who is pretty tall), OT has been proven to be the beneficial owner of the Perth Mint, plus, through a family trust he also operates the Perth Mint Farm where he grows Mentha Arvensis, after he lost the plant rights case to further disguise his ownership by trying to name the genus "Mentha Goldoon-de-Onesis.

The minting of the 1337 Goldoon in East Perth was a shock to Sir Francis Drake and Captain Morgan (Frank and Harry could have just sailed up the Swan River without firing a shot ..... [but they hadn't been born yet]) and was therefore an interesting time in WA history, when ......

Frank Drake was really peed-off when he found out that the Sand Monkeys had been minting coins for the Spanish, and Goldoons no less.

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

 

They were so light, you could carry them home on the back of your Harley, and this new group when they got together after the flying looked like someone had droppe an orange powder bomb...................

.... into a gay bar in Holland (NTTIAWWT). 

But that was only because ......

13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

drew the attention of the famous Psychologist Sanguin Freud who single-handed and without computers foundthe whole of WA only had six great, great, great, grandfathers and eight great, great,great grandmothers, so it's no surprise to find the old saying "We had to make-do in our time" comes from Western Australia.

The problem was how to deal with it.

...... Because it was soon evident to most sandgropers that there had been excess groping and Sanguin's state-wide Family Tree was really a sickly stunted bush, and his calculations for WA's unique case, showed that many "branches" had cross pollinated , meaning that they had been very, very "friendly" with their own "flowers" (or "grand-flowers"), many of whom had been begat'd by their own ......

On 17/03/2025 at 4:23 PM, Captain said:

..... Convention of Concubines (the CoC's), where, by unanimous motion, OT was required to .....

.... get "it" out and lay it on the table in front of the CoCs.

This was a BIG ask, as OT is a typical, buff, masculine Western Australian man-of-the-desert ............... who has been affected, adversely, by the normal yet extreme extent of the in-breeding that has been happening in the West since the Batavia was a tree.

The magnitude of the consanguinity in WA makes Tasmania look like an unfettered gene pool, but it also .....  

1 hour ago, bull said:

...............had him arrested and brought before the .............. 

..... Convention of Concubines (the CoC's), where, by unanimous motion, OT was required to .....

11 hours ago, onetrack said:

......definitely appeared, for the aircraft owners, like it had bitum on the arse. However, OT, being an old-school Roads Scholar, with a huge level of experience in regard to road-making materials, soon turned up with a simple idea to save the day. He recommended that.........

..... the silk road should revert to an unmade track, similar to what they were when OT used to ride his pushy from Southern Cross to Bordertown each week, in search of gold with his mate Harry Lasseter, and to pick up the mail.

Genghis respected OT's ideas and academic qualifications, plus Genghis just like OT as a good bloke, so he ......

Onesie on the way to get his letters

11 hours ago, onetrack said:

..... Roads Scholar .....

Now THAT is funny.

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

......design of the road and whether bitumen might be more durable than silk.

Fifteen people who'd overheard this rushed out our and replaced the silk on their Trike wings with bitumThree days later.......

..... the temperature hit 48 C, in the shade, and the new bitum trike wings .....

18 hours ago, Captain said:

..... and this is when Lex (who everyone liked) went from just being Alexander the Great, to Alexander the Moderately Wealth and Comfortably Well Off (AtMW&CWO), which meant that Genghis has a problem on his hands, that .....

..... revolved around the management of the Silk Road.

Genghis (or Genny to his mates) summarized it well when he said "The Silk Road works a treat when the camels are using it, but the repairs to the fabric are massive when horses and elephants tear it up. I have, therefore, today issued an Executive Order that only dromedaries and blokes in bare feet can use it until I have a chat with Lex, who might be persuaded to kick-the-can now that he is a bit flush, and we jointly decide what to do about the .......

29 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

They walked across and made Alexander and offer he couldn't refuse........

..... and this is when Lex (who everyone liked) went from just being Alexander the Great, to Alexander the Moderately Wealth and Comfortably Well Off (AtMW&CWO), which meant that Genghis has a problem on his hands, that .....

On 14/03/2025 at 8:07 AM, onetrack said:

What competitors?" asked Ghengis. "I slaughtered them all! There's no-one left to compete with you!" Lee Won started sweating. The innuendo was obvious. If he failed to reveal the fillings and meat portions origins, Ghengis would slaughter him, too.

 

Lee had to think fast. He said, "I wasn't going to tell you this, but......

..... Alexander the Great just franchised a City Sushi joint down the road and .....

4 hours ago, onetrack said:

"What competitors?" asked Ghengis. "I slaughtered them all! There's no-one left to compete with you!" Lee Won started sweating. The innuendo was obvious. If he failed to reveal the fillings and meat portions origins, Ghengis would slaughter him, too.

 

Lee had to think fast. He said, "I wasn't going to tell you this, but...............

..... the meat portions are pussy's nuts and I took the fillings out of many of the enemies that you slaughtered, mate. I kept the gold ones and put the amalgam in the food for texture."

Genghis was a tough killer, a ruthless ruler, but also a cool dude, so he ......

19 minutes ago, onetrack said:

.....so much, that Turbo in his AGM address, claimed sales were "going like a cut cat!" A few shareholders objected to Turbo using the term, pointing out, it reflected badly on cat farming. But Turbo soon had them......

..... buying more shares when he announced that the male offcuts were being marketed as the key components in a Special Short Soup under the Lee Won Turbin brand of convenience foods.

Turdy was proud of his ancestor, Lee Won Turbin, who had fought with Genghis Khan and had won praise for his ......

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......pay off. His genius marketing strategy of aiming for thefemale segment that "just wanted to be left alone" or who "hated all men" was producing sales by the tonne so he had to call in Turbine Science Inc. to find a way to breed skunks with bigger odour glands. This was so successful that .......

..... he stopped needing to use tennis court line markers to spray white paint down the centreline of his black cats, so that .....

11 hours ago, onetrack said:

Thus, a term came into regular use in the U.S., "smells like a Turbine skunk farm to me" - and term was frequently used to describe something that was decidedly.........

..... rank, but Turbs always turned this to his advantage, as every time he would sneak one out in the Food Court at the Moorabbin Westfield Mall, everyone would say "Oh, it's just that remnant skunk odor again".

As an extension, that is why many of Turdy's controversial opinions on this site are considered, by the RAA Officianatti, the WF Moderatti & other various technical luminaries, to be "on the nose".

But Turdo is made of stronger stuff and his Skunk Farm endeavors are now starting to ..... 

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Of course, at Gettysburg Abe was the last to speak. Most of the luminaries went for a couple of hours, one for several hours, but when Abe came to the lectern his speech only lasted 2 minutes and he blew them all away ......

..... when he announced that his address was 203 William St, in Gettysburg Heights, and while that was a cul-de-sac, it was still ......

Turbo, yes that is actually him in the below photo, has the perfect craggy face and weary, bloodshot, weeping, unfeeling eyes to play a great Abe Lincoln. (This follows on from his critical success when he played a preggers Mary in the Moorabbin Primary School Nativity Play, mid last century).

The crowd shown at right are a lineup waiting to get into Turbo's Moorabbin Cat House.

..... the cannons fired and Turbo, impersonating Abe Lincoln (pre assassination, not post), added what became famously known as "The Moorabbin Post-Script" when he came up with .....

15 hours ago, onetrack said:

......find I'm enjoying doing all this screeching whenever I sight a divvy van". Turbo had learnt the art of screeching like a cockatoo when he was quite young, and his Uncle Rastus Turbine owned a huge sulphur-crested cockatoo that screeched on an industrial level.

 

Turbo became fascinated with the bird, and practiced the birds screech until his screech couldn't be distinguished between..........

 

..... a Sulphur crested (and by that, I mean a very healthy Cacatua Galerita), one of Clarry Carnaby’s Black Cockatoos (but only of the Calyptorhynchus Latirostris genus), a Major Mitchell’s Cockatoo (Berti Mitchell fought beside Turbs and Cappy up the Khyber and he named his bird Lophochroa Leadbeateri after Wally Leadbeater who went missing after the 2nd attack), and those nasty little Nymphicus Hollandicus Cockatiels that were named after those Dutch nymphos at the Moorabbin Cat House.

Even now, Turbo's digital keyboard-based screech in the Wreck Flying Forums, is like fingernails down a blackboard and brings ....... 

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....mothers were right because all their feathers dropped of and they all froze.

Attenburrow of course was the son of a Bookie's tart, and grew up in the streets of ......

.... Frankston where he first met Turbo when Turds was a cockatoo for the Bookie.

"I thought I was going to work in a library" commented Turbo when he met Dave for the first time, but now I .....

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

..........free bottles of egg reducing tablets, developed in Zimbabwe after their failed atomic bomb test when all the chook eggs started growing oversize eggs.

Things settle down for a week or so, but then bull couldn't help himself and threw some prawns into the cage..................

 

... and while Emus and Ostriches have never seen a prawn, although they are certainly a bit partial to freshwater shrimp (hence that controversial and little-known verse of Waltzing Matilda that was removed by the colonial authorities in the late 1800's and is now rolled up and hidden away in a dark damp corner in Canberra, somewhat akin to the Dead Sea Scrolls).

However, it is a Davey Attenburrow approved factoid that the reason that the Moa went extinct in NZ is that they developed a penchant for prawns and whitebait, which meant that their ........

13 hours ago, onetrack said:

But when the end of the month came, and no emus had arrived, Turbo set out to find Billy Cokebottle. He finally found him, asleep under a tree. Turbo raged.......

..... but then realised that it was a waste of time.

So instead of going down the Cokebottle route, which is also a VB route at times, Turbo had an egg-shaped brainwave.

He would use his Turbine Genetics Corp to transfer Emu, Ostrich and Moa DNA into the Aussie chook flock.

He'd need larger egg cartons, of course, but he would make a fortune, ...... however he also noticed the horrified looks on the faces of his bantams at Turbine Googies and Roasted Worn-out Chooks PLC, and he realised that he had a pressing need to develop a mechanism for enlarging the chooks orifices before the 1st of the CHEMU (registered name by Turbine Marketing) eggs came down the chute.

In his usual efficient manner Turdy solved this issue by .......

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......his lobes, but hey at the Moorabbin Pub they all cluster around him when he shouts the bar, and down at the ........

..... local house of ill repute, also known as the "Cat Farm", the girls all still talk fondly of Turbo's generosity, despite his egg-like ..... 

.... even today, his head still looks like the sharp end of a freshly laid and still warm chook egg, even including the usual pieces of chook fertiliser that are stuck to .......

3 hours ago, bull said:

Being taken south to an undisclosed location to..........

..... purloin all of this season's Mutton Bird eggs and sell them to the Cat Farms for use as .....