Jump to content

A good line or two


Recommended Posts

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you


Believe that….2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.


The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a


vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.


Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador."Really, …" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"


I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the


biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg".


I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume


she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.


My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my


girlfriend yet.


I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at


the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.


The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.


A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.


When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....


I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a Coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I


thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!


My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to


Our local pet shop and they were $70!!! blow this, I thought, I can


get one cheaper off the web.


Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.


I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I


could check her balance, so I pushed her over.


I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.


I was driving this morning when I saw an RACQ van parked . The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown.'


On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'



  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...