nomadpete

What a Brave man !! or just foolish......

I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never

figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well,

the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel

like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every

boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for

me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying,

"Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the

bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with

her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed

department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very

expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them

all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said,

"Lets have a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of

diamond earrings.

Let me tell you... she was so excited.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis

bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost orgasmic from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is

all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out,

"No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,

"WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.

You're just not in touch with my financial needs enough for me

to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,

"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I do for you in the Mall?"

Apparently I'm not getting any tonight either....

but at least she knows I'm smarter than her.

Now this is pretty warped...

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he

noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby

cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet

behind the first.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single

file.

The man couldn't stand his curiosity.

He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, "I am so

sorry for your loss and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but

I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But there's a second hearse."

The man answered, "It's my mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife.

when the dog turned on her too."

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence,

passed between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."

A lot of folks can't understand how we came

to have an oil shortage here in Australia.

~~~

Well, there's a very simple answer.

~~~

Nobody bothered to check the oil.

~~~

We just didn't know we were getting low.

~~~

The reason for that is purely geographical.

~~~

Our OIL is located in

~~~

Bass Strait

~~~

East Queensland Shale Fields

~~~

Canning Basin

~~~

Perth Basin

and

North-West Continental Shelf

~~~

Our DIPSTICKS are located in Canberra!!!

The Australian Medical Association has weighed in on the new Prime Minister

Julia Gillard's health care proposals.

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to

make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but the

neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.

Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Paediatricians said,

"Oh, Grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the

Radiologists could see right through it.

The Surgeons were fed up with the cuts and decided to wash their hands of

the whole thing.

The ENT specialists didn't swallow it, and just wouldn't hear of it.

The Pharmacologists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow and the

Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter...."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were

pissed off at the whole idea.

The Anaesthetists thought it was all a gas, but the Cardiologists

didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to

the a*holes in Canberra.

A 70 yr old man asks his wife "Do you feel sad when you see me running after young girls?"

Wife replied, "No, not at all, even dogs chase cars they can't drive."

Don't forget that under RAAus all aerobatics are prohibited. And a spin, whether intentional or unintentional is an aerobatic manoever.

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity

2. Anti-constitutionalistically

3. Passive-aggressive disorder

4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. No thanks, I'm married.

2. Nope, no more booze for me!

3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4. No thanks, I'm not hungry.

5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?

6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.

7. I'm not interested in fighting you.

8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!

9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.

10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

I have been going through a leaking tank problem with my Lightwing GA912. The original tanks were basically GRP boxes with a alloy lid riveted on top. Unfortunately the alloy lid also is part of the structure of the wing and is therefore attached with many rivets to the spars and ribs. I believe my tanks developed their pinhole leaks due to use of fuel containing ethanol, but after the event you can't prove anything. Before you commit to a repair process, do a lot of research about resins, epoxies, and so called ethanol proof products. There aren't many. Take a look at my comments in the "Lightwing" Forum. My new tanks are welded alloy, glued to the original top skins. Pressure testing of fuel tanks is best done with water and a piece of hose set up to give a head of 2 mtrs. This will show up the location of weeps that are too small for air testing to show up. It also avoids potential damage that would be caused by applying excessive pressure to the tanks. Good luck.

Peter

Scottish Christmas crisis

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

Franticly, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!”

She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife:

'Its sorted! They're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way.'

WASHINGTON, DISTRICT OF CLUELESSNESS -- In an effort to cut costs, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security announced today that the federal government will now publish a list of people that are cleared to fly, instead of the current method of listing people not cleared to fly. The "Do-Fly" list, expected to contain roughly 15 names, will be much easier and less costly to maintain than the existing "Do-Not-Fly" database with over 300 million entries.

"It has become nearly impossible to maintain our current blacklist of known terrorists, suspected terrorists, wannabe terrorists, people who live next door to suspected terrorists, people who live in the same town as terrorists, convicted felons, gun owners, Greenies, drug users, music downloaders, jaywalkers, humor writers, and other potential threats," the DHS explained in a press release issued today. "So instead of keeping a massive blacklist, we're going to simply have a whitelist of people that are allowed to fly. The new list is incredibly short, fitting on a single sheet of paper, so we expect to save millions of dollars with this new approach."

The initiative, code-named APPLEPIE (American Protection Plan - Law Enforcement Personnel Isolating Enemies), is expected to make air travel significantly safer, while reducing lines at airport security checkpoints.

"It's going to be easy. We match your ID to one of the dozen or so people on the Do-Fly List, and you'll be all set to travel," said DHS spokesman Ren Tuhcawp. "If you're not on the list, one of our friendly bouncers will direct you to a website where you can download Form TSA-5239-12-X, allowing you to submit a request to have your status re-evaluated. This will be followed by an extensive background check, anal probe, and series of hazing rituals. If the DHS determines that you are not a potential threat, we will add your name to the Do-Fly List. The process should only take 6-8 years."

So far, the Do-Fly list includes the U.S. President, a Congressman, and a few high-ranking DHS and military officials. It does not, however, includes any pilots or flight crews.

"The lack of pilots is a known issue that we are working quickly to address," Tuhcawp said. "However, it's a difficult situation because every single pilot in the United States has undergone flight training, the exact same kind of suspicious activity that the 9/11 hijackers pursued. This is not a coincidence. Until we can find pilots who can prove that their flight training was not connected to terrorism in any way, we won't be able to add them to the Do-Fly List. We hope people realize that this inconvenience is a small price to pay to help protect our children."

A lesson

A young engineer was leaving the office at 5.45 p.m. when he found the

Acting CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his

hand.

"Listen," said the Acting CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important

document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned the machine on, inserted

the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the Acting CEO as his paper disappeared

inside the machine, "I only need one copy."

Lesson:

Never, ever assume that your boss knows what he's doing.

TEXAS BEER JOINT SUES CHURCH over LIGHTNING STRIKE ! ONLY IN TEXAS...

Drummond's Bar began construction on expansion of their building to increase their business.

In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground!

After the bar burning to the ground by a lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of prayer ", until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church . . ."was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means."

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.

The judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that now does not."

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the National Health Service, a friend of mine decided to have his next test carried out while visiting in Thailand where the beautiful nurses are rather more gentle and accommodating.

As usual he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side on the bed and the nurse began the examination.

"At this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection" said the nurse.

"I haven't got an erection" assured the man.

"No, but I have" replied the nurse.

*_STOP CHOKING - AUSSIE STYLE_** *

A woman sitting in an Adelaide Pub suddenly began to cough.

After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress, and two locals, Bluey and Bazza sitting at the next table turned to look at her.

Ken ya swaller? asked Bluey

The woman signalled 'No!', desperately shaking her head.

Kin ya breathe?' asked Bazza. The woman shook her head No!!!

With that, Bluey walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress, yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her bum

This outrage shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.

Bluey swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his Fosters.

Bazza said in admiration 'Ya know Bluey, I'd heard of that bloody Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it.'

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a Kiss?"

So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.

After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best Kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous,

Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......

The 'Good Ole Days'

Hey you two reminiscing.....

Don't you remember that when you bought a house way back then for only 18 months wages, all you got was a little two bedroom fibro joint with a dunny out back! Your kids had to share their bedroom, and your wife had to do the laundry out back in a boiling copper. She had no car and you probably didn't either unless you had a real good job. Nowadays, 18 months wages will get you a caravan with better comfort and appointments than the house you're missing so much.

To quote my grandma:-

"The only good thing about the 'Good Ole Daze' is that they're gone."

Dead Stick Landing - meaning?

I think the term 'Dead Stick Landing' harks back to the early days of aviation when they discovered that if the fan up front stops, the loss of airflow over the control surfaces results in loss of tactile feedback through the control stick. It felt dead and unresponsive. Hence - Dead Stick

Not about the dead wooden prop.

PeterT

AVGAS or MOGAS

Gents,

You have discussed the main (and very important) issues from the perspective of the motor. But what about the fuel tank? As soon as you put MOGAS into a fiberglass fuel tank there is the possibility of getting a batch of MOGAS which has some ETHANOL in it. From presonal experience, I can assure you that although I always purchased Premium unleaded for my ROTAX, the day came when my (factory built) fuel tanks developed pinholes in them. They had been fine for the first 13 years of use. Either they had a slow degredation, or they had a recent contamination of something not compatible with the resin. I vote for the Ethanol being the cause. Even the latest "Ethanol resistant" epoxies are subject to loss of strength when exposed to E10 fuel. I have serious concerns about the fuel tank issue since there are many aircraft with composite tanks.

PeterT

I have read some contributions in one of these forums, which talk about Jabs developing a almost uncontrollable rising nose when doing a 'go around'. The description went something like this:

Landing with full flaps, and when full power applied to do a go around, the nose comes up and is very hard to keep level, and airspeed started to drop. One person reported actually having to reduce power in order to get the nose down.

One Answer:

The Jab has a very effective servo type trim system which relies on airspeed to get its power. The more airspeed, the greater the trim force. So the the trim, which was correct for the quiet descent, will suddenly give a strong nose up force as soon as the throttle is opened up. It is likely that the above 'problem' could be instantly corrected by reaching across and RETRIMMING.

Hopefully this will reassure those who have been worried.

PeterT

Nice to see that somebody has a soft spot for the humble K7. I went solo in one. Had a lot of fun in it out at DDSC. As you said, not fast but fun to fly and they can work weak thermals that the new high speed plastic gliders cannot.

PeterT

Wow somebody stirred up the hornets nest here! It is some time since I flew gliders at Caboolture, but when I did, the rule was that the gliders landed on the grass beside the working strip. If the wind changed, the pie cart was moved because it is obviously not sensible to work a contra direction nor to land down wind. In my experience, gliders are more tolerant of cross wind than powered planes. Quite often whilst operating out of Jondaryan (west of Toowoomba) we were limited by the crosswind rating of the tug, not the gliders. Caboolture is indeed a busy place on week ends. We desperately need more places to operate all forms of recreational aviation from. We also need to present a united front as recreational aviators, no matter whether we have motors or not. Please take the time to drop into the "other camp" and have a chat. It will break down the barriers and also aid understanding, which will eventually lead to less conflict in the air, and better safety for all. A few words spoken politely is not too much to ask. I'm not just preaching to the power pilots, the glider folk should visit the power club. It would be great if the gliding club would host a introductory flite program for power pilots so they could empathise with our needs, and also if the power flying schools could do the same for glider pilots. As an example, the Darling Downs Soaring Club used to occassionally host a BBQ for the Oakey Air Base staff and take them for TIF's for free just to let them know how we operated. It broke down the barriers. After all we were operating in a military control area and on week days could not fly without their permission.

I'm not excusing the obviously unprofessional behaviour of some Caboolture GC pilots. Just looking for a positive spin.

PeterT

Thanks Ross. I will look the Sonex up. God bless Google.

Peter

I drove through the area yesterday, close by where he set the Yak down. My thoughts were on what it would look like from the air. Lots of tiger country there. Hills and forest. From 2500' AGL he would not have had much time to select his paddock. Also, when the noise stops unexpectedly, there is a credibility gap before the trained responses kick in. He did very well indeed.

PeterT

Yes, sadly these tanks are an integral part of the wings. They sit between the top skin and the bottom skin and you couldn't slide a tank in from the wing root due to the root rib.... pic shows tank with top skin removed. My only option is to build alloy tanks and rivet them to the top skin just like the old glass ones.