Bigglesworth

Back by unpopular/indecent request, and also due to aiming for Ayres Rock, Biggles-crash-worth is back to tell you the sad story.... And to keep the NES in a nice flowing line, I'll write in a nice flowing style (set font to cursive).... I'll start at the start..... In the beginning God created heaven and earth, divided light and dark and called it a day..... fast forward by living like Biggles-fast-worth, and then mankind is changed by the invention of the Cheetah. Much to the annoyance of their designer who wants to have an excellent plane with a good reputation for safety, the rowdy crowd has realised that here, finally, is a fast plane, which is easy to repair, and can handle crash landings in any surface, any time of the day. Basically, if you own a Cheetah, it takes crashing to a totally new level: its the cheapest plane to practise crashing in, repairs are normally easy to do and not very costly. You can even get a bulk discount on props...... And no-one gets injured So after having crashed into the beach for a matinee and into the runway for a repeat (certainly not a finale') Biggles-philosopher-worth realises that there is no problem so big that you can't run away from it, and promptly buys a new ute the next week, and drives to Newcastle, where he thinks he passed a cop on the wrong side (of the speedo dial....) Now he's miles away from the remains of what was once a noble aeroplane, and what still is the security for the loan to buy the ute, and building an extension on a house instead of fixing his plane. Get your priorities right, you idiot.... Anyway, so its waiting until I get home (the sooner the better) and can put some TLC into it. And some chrome-molly. The latter being a lot stronger. So to get a story flow..... If a Cheetah can be repaired by 3 people in an afternoon, then crashed again by one person in about 10 minutes...... what do you call that idiot, and why was he sighted in Avalon next day at the pilots presentation waving a VB and talking about the art of crashing while listening to country music........... And if anyone thinks it has any connection to a loose screw/aunt, they get their house crached into :P As Jerry Lee Lewis would say "Follow THAT"

Almost everyone left to check on aircraft, so those who were left had to drink the beer before the opened cans were thrown (chugalug)....... then we had an almost empty room to tell stories to. I think mine included alost running into a mountain while fiddling with the radio to find some Slim Dusty.... and then landing on the beach with a busted cooler..... and saying "I'm beached as, bro" in Kiwi accent......

I still can't work out the appologies... haven't I proved that everyone's comments were justified? Its not a sore point, you may call me crazy whenever you want...... My sister wrote about this:

Thanks Ross, I probably don't deserve an apology: I did things my way and paid the price. And you're right that no-one should follow my example. No matter what I say, the figures prove me wrong. Unless you add it up like I do: I've had heaps of fun with that plane, and never got injured.......Thats better than bull-riding. And I mean to give that a go someday soon.... And sometimes, you can't control everything and you get a genuine mishap..... Some interesting comments here, and a picture, I took the cowl off to check the motor, it didn't fall off, only snapped one piece of tube on a very bumpy, soft beach..... Aslings plane crash - Local News - News - General - Magnet The sad part follows...... I patched it up (fixed it with expert advise) that night/next morning and was still going to make Avalon. Ground ran the engine for 2 hours, and was fine. Jabiru told me it was pretty sure that it was fine. Took off from the workshop strip (a one-way strip in bad wind, out is easy, in.......) to get 15 mins to Frogs or Merimbula where I could circle for a while to test the motor a bit more...... 3 minutes and she started missing and losing power........ Sh*t. Had to come back, no option. In a crosswind, and (now I'm sure) turbulent final, and short strip. Just as I was worried about being too fast on final, she dropped. Totally. I'll spare the details, but ended up landing 30 degrees to straight, which did a little bit of damage (main wheels didn't come off....) but the worst was that that path took me off the strip into the fence...... Wiped out a starpost or 2, but only minor dents in the wing. Now: I've told you the story, please don't respond with ideas about why the motor went again: I know a lot more clues I haven't put here and still am not sure. Will get professionally stripped, then I'll find out. BTW, I still feel sorry for the poor blokes at Avalon: that must have been a lot worse. At least I only have to check out a motor, and less than $1000 and a bit of time. And Mick Poole wants to give me a flight review to make sure its not my skill thats lacking. I'm as interested as you to find out. And Mick, if your reading this: I'll get the reports to you soon, but work piled up here while I was away.

My Avavlon pics, Security was lax on Saturday during the wind.

Recreational Flying You can't win, book me a long holiday. Goodbye.

Someone say my name? and my disease? (from riding horses, and its not arthritis) Also, want some instructions on loading a photo? The Never Ending troubles of a techie..... Hey, who else has the wog? the Flu type wog, not the Asian Flu type....... I mean the kind you ket when you are totally worn out, and it makes you feel even more worn out, which is stupid 'cos you're already like that. What I mean is: the other day I got a taste of what its like to be stupid, and I hope I never end up that way..... See, normally I can depend on myself to pull me out of about any problem, but on Saturday I planned to fly to Hamilton, only about 400nm away by air-path. All set, got the plane ready on Friday night, and since the airport is a long way from home, I rolled the sleeping bag out next to the plane and slept in a lovely one-ness with my winged love-of-my-life. Was a bit worrried about flying next day since I'd get coughing fits with regularity.... Anyway on Sat morning, all ready, hit the starter button.......... turns and tuuuuuurrrrnnnnsssssss, and so I get jumpers and hook it to car battery, tuuurns, fires, then stops.???????? Could be water in the fuel; she was parked outside. So I drain the carby, was fine. keep trying, still nothing and slowing down in turning over. Put car battery back in ute and charge it up. At least ute starts. A couple of other pilots come over, and one tells me is likely to be CDIs since its a jab. Ummmm, unlikely, but who am I to argue? (don't answer that). Anyway, jumped the battery again, and tested the CDIs..... both of them show dead. ???????????WTF??????? But I have seen twin cylinder motors do this. Well, one, once. Took CDIs off. Rang Jabiru, they called me an idiot for thinking of both CDIs and say they're reliable as. And tell me they're worth about $120 each. Rip-off, methinks. They're Honda ignition modules, I can get them direct. Went to see my boss, and chased up the CDIs on the parts list, can get them for about $120, $60, or $40 just look a bit different, but we've interchanged them before. Worked out we had a Honda GX390 on a water pump, so I put the Jab CDIs on it, one at at time....... they were both fine. Cursed my pilot friends for telling me bull. Realised that I must have been mad, thank God I didn't go for a fly, and it was just a tired battery, and jumper leads are never worth a pinch of p*ss, Charged battery overnight, Sunday I put the CDIs back on, charged battery, starts straight away...... Damn I felt like an idiot. To celebrate, I took Cowboy Up for a bit of a fun run, rounding up clouds. Ever tried to do 60 plus degree turns (no AH in there, guess angles) around a small cloud, trying to keep level with it and in a even turn an even distance away? Fun as, then ducking and diveing through gaps in clouds, and all sorts. Was a stinking hot day, and only got to 100 degrees oil temp, so the coolers are working well. Anyway, make the trip another day, Won't be in time to be the 1000th post, so I'll just have to post some dirty joke, get banned and comment deleted, and let someone else have a shot at being the 1000th. Y'all have a nice day? Carry on, I'll fill you in more next time when you will hear :hittinghead:

Enough. The NES is not your personal forum for tales of illegal flying. This post has been moved to its own thread under general discussion. slarti

[ATTACH]7128.vB[/ATTACH] Sound out the label on the cereal

They need to buy a plane with dual controls

You mean how can they jusify taking points off me when the only other vehicle is a cow, and a highway patrol on an early sunday morning, 50 metres fom the 100 signs doing 74 in a 60 zone on a double demerits weekend. About 3 months ago. 6 points in a hit. On the way to the airport.........

Seems to be expected with a Jab? Bigglesworth is now Biggles-wog after some horrible thing he picked up probably in Tamworth. running nose, etc. Sugest an air cure and he might still get down to Hamilton VIC on the weekend. Its only a 400nm trip. Going to sleep. PS typing this while driving, watch out traffic in the Cobargo area. keep your spaced out story going, if you need some inspiration, I know a lot of dope dealers in this area.

@Turboplanner, Glad to hear of another John Denver fan. He had quite a few songs which touched on flying, but I think this was the his ultimate. Although the Eagle and the Hawk is another really good one. Thanks for the story, I didn't know about that. I always thought it a tribute to the pioneers of flight, all the people who gave their life in one way or another so that we now have the planes that we have.

I did it once in a 150, and realised in time to clear the hills at the end of the rwy. With it on it probably wouldn't have. With the Jab motor in the Cheetah it has negligible difference at low level, but when crossing the range at 9500, I checked for ice before going over bad country, and noticed a large drop in power. Actually I didn't do this, I crossed at below 5000 feet (as the book says) and got a good view of the underneath of the mountain tops.;)

azza madda ovact (for Aus. day, sound it out), Big-rev-head didn't get booked, but had to drive UNDER the speed limit for 11 hours. He still has 6 points left (half full or half empty) which is a respectable amount, but due to double demerits, even the smallest fine would completely get rid of the ticket to the airport. PS He intends to fly up as soon as he can land outside the pub, crawls out of the pub at 3 in the morning, sleep in the back, then crawl back in in the morning. Unless the pub down the road has a better band, in which case its a small drive before the same crawl and same price for more bundy...... Practices are not open for public viewing, but if the wind is at Vlanding speed across the car park, it might happen next year. And as any keen rec flying history student would know (its in the rec flying history exam) if Bigtroubles posts anything anywhere else, he gets shot down, suspended, has stories told about him while he isn't there. Well actually IS there, sorry Admin. Anyway Lets sing the national anthem: Last plane out of sydney's almost gone........

Complete with guitar chords..... it has a lovely slow melody line. album: One World song: Flying For Me artist: John Denver transcribed: Ken Reynolds The following song tells of John Denver's love for flight and it seems fit that his life ended doing what he loved. He will be missed. Flying For Me John Denver (klr) Well, [D] I guess that you probably know by now I was [bm] one who wanted to fly I wanted to [G] ride on that arrow of [A] fire right up into [D] heaven [G] [A] And I [D] wanted to go for every man Every [bm] child, every mother of children I wanted to [G] carry the dreams of all [A] people right up to the [D] stars [G] [A] And I [D] prayed that I^Ã’d find an answer there Or [bm] maybe I^Ã’d find a song Giving a [G] voice to all the [A] hearts that cannot be [D] heard [G] [A] And for [D] all the ones who live in fear And [bm] all those who stand apart My being [G] there would bring us a [A] little step closer [D] together They were flying for [G] me They were [A] flying for every [D] one They were trying to [G] see a brighter [A] day for each and evey [D] one They gave us their [G] light They gave us their [A] spirit and all they could [D] be [G] They were [A] flying for [D] me [G] They were [A] flying for [D] me And I [G] wanted to wish on the [A] Milky Way And [D] dance upon a falling [bm] star I wanted to [G] give myself and [G/e] free myself and [G] join myself with it [A] all [D] [bm] [G] [A] [D] Given the [G] chance to dream it [A] can be done The [D] promise of tomorrow is [bm] real Children of the [G] spaceship earth The [A] future belongs to us [D] all She was flying for [G] me She was [A] flying for every [D] one She was flying to [G] see a brighter [A] day for each and every [D] one She gave us her [G] light She gave us her [A] spirit and all she can [D] be [G] She was [A] flying for [D] me They were flying for [G] me They were [A] flying for every [D] one They were trying to [G] see a brightrer [A] day for each and every [D] one They gave us their [G] light They gave us their [A] spirit and all they could [D] be [G] They were [A] flying for [D] me (4x)

Sorry for the false alarm folks...... you jumped the gun when you thought Big-stories-les had rejoined the welter of words that make up the highly esteemed NES. But now he is back for a sepcial guest appearance (can I get a big HELL YEAH for that?){he's a bit busy to be a regular anymore} Yer see what happened....... Big-coutry-music-fan-les was in Tamworth (Bigglesworth/Tamworth, whats the difference???) And checking out the <s>girls in</s> the Telstra tent, and noticed FREE internet access. Navigated immediately to www.rmwilliams.com.au/hot_girls_with_aeroplanes .........(can Admin give us a running tally on the number of people who try to click on that link?).................... Got kicked out...........of the site by some filter on the computer. Actually thay also blocked Hotmail, I got a proxy working, and got to the sign in page, but it blocked javascript and cookies, and hotmail needs a Java with some Cookies. Was going to stick a boot stick into its........usb port..... get online check my email, then really infect the computer just to show them what should happen to all censors. Present company excluded of course........ Pity I didn't bring my boot stick. The point of this is that while the NES could be called up, and read, (and WTF, Bignoise can't leave quietly can he?) and then a nice? long reply written, IT DIDN"T POST IT..... PRI__S. So much for censorship. DOWN WITH CLEAN FEED [seriously folks, look up clean feed and mail shotgun shells to your local member if he doesn't take the side of freedom. We'll exchange them for some refugees who want freedom] Then again, if they do bring in Clean feed (BASTARDS.....) I'll be in full time work cracking it for any red-blooded Australian who stands for freedom, and isn't that the reason we are pilots? Where was the author? Oh, he's over there. Got back from Tamworth a few hours ago, with a score-card of 6 days of partying and 3 nights sleep. And a few new phone numbers. Not much with aeroplanes up there, although one local said that he knew where a twin did a forced landing and that the engines could easily be pinched and it would make the Cheetah go where no man or Cheetah has ever gone before. Another local said he had a spare lawnmover engine if I was interested......Told them when you're on a perfect thing, stick to it. And took another swig on my $9 can of Bundy, when there was free beer tasting in the truck outside. Back home now, driving 11 hours in double demerts........ Join me in a rousing chorus of the old McDonalds ad: "Bacon, Bacon, Bacon. Bacon, Bacon, Bacon" Can't outrun them down here..... need the plane. Hey, what about one of those aerocar things? Past the Highway Patrol, Flashing lights.....flip a switch (and a finger) and Sayonara, donut munchers: go do something useful for once. Like stopping and helping someone broken down, picking up hitchhikers and practising how to be less of a b****d. Good story (true for once) Older bloke, random breath test, can't find license in his wallet, he wasn't doing anything wrong, so the friendly cop wrote him a ticket. Meanwhile his wife found the license for him, but too late, once started, a ticket needs to be written...... NED KELLY FOR KING Thats enough, Keep it country, and don't let the b****ds think they're winning. Redneck, blue skies and FREEDOM

The Kapitain seemed to be blissfully unaware of what a Turing test was, and as such fitted in well . Biggles got annoyed that a really funny joke fell flat and said "Google it". With those famous last words, he got run over by a motel disguised as a Captain, with a skull and cross bones penchant who couldn't handle anything that might have been connected with death....... Meanwhile, since Google had been brought into the NES, Larry and Sergui started to design an ultralight, an a very good one as well. Almost as good as a Cheetah. Its features included:

However Bigglesnotworthmuch found that someone had taken the POH that never existed, (limit? whats that?), and replaced it with a copy of the Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy, which tells you everything except for where girls will be when they say they'll be near an airport. He realises that since the impossible fabric has impossibly unraveled (which is impossible: underlay isn't woven:keen:), he can also do the impossible and convinces the Spudnik that this IS actually all safe and within the regs, and by the time he gets to the part where name-:censored:calling starts, the admin has moderated the Spudnik and suspended it from the story.:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up: Meanwhile in the rearview mirror he notices a yellow starlet which has been doing aerobatics and has now lost a wing and is knife-edging at 120 feet. Actually 118 feet, 2 of the feet were proven to be attached to the pilots legs, and he was thus disqualified from the imperial system and forced to fly at 36.57600 metres. Meanwhile the Kaptain Von Stahlein has been doing some espionage and found out that Big-dumbass-les has been silly enough to put his whole life on display on My Space-for-chatting-up-hot-country-singers. Or some of it anyway, or what I want people to see. So the couter-espionage branch of the Big-airfarce-les has been investigating the Kaptain, and found his website calls him a motel:clap: Biggles then asks Kaptain to sit for a Turing test............

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, of course. :black_eye::black_eye: LUSER, I'll take a LART to you.... PS, us in aviation can give these trendy SMS based twits a run for their money. To us GA is normal, as is RAA, VHF, ERSA, WAC, ad infinitum..... it makes us sound like real professionals..... As does a PEBKAC error....

You trying to start something, Student Pilot? :confused: I just went for a flight, and I know what I needed: more music, and less worry about crashing into mountains. Nothing wrong with that is there? Oh, and a copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy for those who haven't read and memorised it yet. And a towel (see HGTTG)

Some country music cds to listen to while flying. Also a pre-paid rescue with the SAR. That way you don't worry about the costs of getting carried away with the music and running into mountains. NB, This is not meant as a reccommendation for anyone buying a present for pilots other than Bigglesworth.

Find Bigglesworth We interrupt this story for an important message: Hi, dudes, Its Biggles' mate using his login. He SMS's me and told me to post the following message: "Tell everyone that Bigglesworth is lost and circling somewhere between the coast and Ayers Rock. I can't find and worthwhile navigation marks, so I took some pictures to see if anyone can see something in them. Don't worry I have enough fuel to see me through until Christmas, but am running low on Bundy. Can someone find out where I am and tell me how to get to an airport. And give the distance in 6 packs of rum and coke..... Also, do you think this Mickey Mouse watch from a Christmas cracker is an aviation grade instrument? If so, why is it getting dark at 12:00.... " He MMSed me the following photos: [ATTACH]6958.vB[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]6959.vB[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]6960.vB[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]6961.vB[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]6962.vB[/ATTACH]

a telephone pole, all your stories are driving me crazy...... Meanwhile Biggles who was just about to use the great equaliser on the To-be-plainer, realises that there is no danger since has obviously hasn't visited Stalk-book, or MySpace either........ Toby-the-planner never realises how close he came to being offered a fly in a certain poison-green machine with a reputation............at least he wouldn't have had to worry about the landing:faint: Meanwhile Be-worth-les has been busy flying around in circles above a certain riverina airport wondering how he can break the news to someone about how they got to being famous in a made up world.:hittinghead: In the end he decides to keep circling until something interesting happens. 3 days later he's still there....... but had to change his decision when.....

Didn't read the compass part first, but that explains why BigLes Landed on the wrong building and ended up with only some 'This is VB country" stickers. The compass has a built in minature towel....... and a copy of the hitchhiker's guide for those who don't get that part. I'll lend you a copy to read next time you are flying over a hard to navigate area.