Phil Perry Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the son. The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies." Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son. Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn." Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was." The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son." The robot slaps the mother. Robot for sale. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 That reminds me of the computerised diagnostic tool. Bloke goes to the doctor with a sore arm. Doctor takes a quick look and says "Tennis elbow." Incensed with the very quick diagnosis, the bloke says "You can't tell me it's tennis elbow by just looking at it!" The doctor sighs. "Ok then, give me a urine sample and we'll run it through the new computer." So the bloke brings back the little cup, the doctor puts a few drops into the machine, and after a bit of humming a report is printed. The doctor reads it and shows it to the bloke: "Tennis Elbow." The bloke is even more annoyed now and decides to fool the machine. He goes home and gathers a few fluids in order to confuse the computer. Firstly he gets his daughter to provide a urine sample, then his son, he goes to the garage and adds some oil from his car, then to top it off he gives himself some manual relief and adds the result to the mix. Next day he goes back to the doctor and says he's still really worried about his arm and could the computer check again. The doctor sighs but hands him a sample pot and sends him to the toilet. Chuckling to himself, the bloke gets out the fluids he collected, adds them to the pot and takes them back to the doctor. Doctor puts a few drops into the machine. The computer hums along for much longer this time, with the occasional click and whir. The bloke thinks "Yes! I've broken the smart-ass!" Just as he's about to leave in triumph, the computer beeps and starts printing out the report. The doctor reads it then solemnly hands it to the bloke: "Diagnosis: - Your daughter is pregnant. - Your son is smoking pot. - Your car is overdue for a service. - And if you don't stop wanking, your tennis elbow will never get better!!" 1 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phil Perry Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Phil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bikky Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Good one! Funny thing isn't? We get upset no end when someone else abuses us but, self abuse is almost mandatory! A young man went to the doctor with an embarrassing problem. He explained to the doc, "I feel fine but, my thingy has turned yellow!" The doc asked, "It's your first visit here so let's take down a few details. What do you do for a living?" He replied, "Well, I was recently laid off, so I'm unemployed at the moment". The doc asked, "Well, what do you do with your time?" He responded, "Not a lot to be honest. I watch internet porn and eat Twisties!" 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bexrbetter Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 True Story time ... When I was either 13 or 14, a nerd kid we had at High School bought in a "Lie Detector" that he had made from a kit that was popular in the 70's that some of you will remember - you got a blank circuit board that you dissolved the circuit yourself then followed a plan soldering in various resistors etc. to make crystal radio, clock or alarms etc. and in this case a lie detector. Well he tested a few of the guys at morning break, 2 band aid type wraps put around 2 fingers near the tips with wires coming out of them and it was surprisingly accurate on a few guys tested, then came my turn ... I was asked a couple of simple questions such as my name and told the truth and then another kid suddenly blurted out at me "Are you a virgin?" ... now remember this is the 70's and at 13 or 14 no guy is going to admit he is a virgin or else suffer the peer pressure shame of admitting it. I remember instantly saying "Yes" inline with telling the truth being put on the spot, whereas without the pressure of course I would have said "No" regardless of 99% of us being virgins at that age and bugger me dead, the lie detector went off!! WIN!! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bikky Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I remember the first time I had sex. It was quite scary - I mean, it was dark and I was all alone ... 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bexrbetter Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I remember the first time I had sex. It was quite scary - I mean, it was dark and I was all alone ... Brazilian Tranny? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
facthunter Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Confessional? Nev 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bikky Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 What?! Do the nasty with a Brazilian tranny in a confessional? Wonder what the priest would think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marty_d Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 ...Wonder what the priest would think. Man in a dress... perhaps he IS the tranny. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bexrbetter Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 What?! Do the nasty with a Brazilian tranny in a confessional? Wonder what the priest would think. Reminds me of the drunk in a confessional box who replied upon being asked by the Priest "How can I help you my Son?"; "Well you can pass me some toilet paper, there's none in this one".... 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
planedriver Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 This is not simply a "rip off" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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