Felix the logger

[Rotorwork]

Felix, a Newfie logger, travels across Canada to see the Pacific

 

> Ocean.

 

>

 

> He arrives in Nanaimo and likes it so much that he decides to stay.

 

> But first he must find a job.

 

>

 

> Felix goes to the local MacMillan-Bloedel office and fills out an

 

> application as an 'experienced' logger.

 

>

 

> It's his lucky day. Mac-Blo is looking for an experienced logger.

 

>

 

> The personnel manager asks Joe, the grumpy bush foreman, to verify

 

> Felix's logging experience.

 

>

 

> Joe drives Felix into the forest, stops the truck on the side of the

 

> road, and points at a tree.

 

>

 

> He says, _"See that tree over there? What is the species and how many

 

> board feet of lumber does it have?"_

 

>

 

> Felix replies, _"Dat dere's a Sitka Spruce and she got 383 board feet

 

> a' lumber in 'er."_

 

>

 

> Joe is impressed. He drives a mile down the road and stops. He points

 

> at a tree and asks the same question.

 

>

 

> Felix replies, _"Lord tunderin'jasus b'y! Dat's yer Douglas Fir and

 

> she got 690 board feet."_

 

>

 

> Joe is really impressed. Felix answered quickly and got the answers

 

> right without even using a calculator!

 

>

 

> One more test. They drive a little farther down the road, and Joe

 

> stops at the side of the road.

 

>

 

> Joe points to a tree and asks, _"And what about that one?"_

 

>

 

> Felix replies, _"A Yeller Cedar, 242 board feet at most."_

 

>

 

> Joe spins the truck around and heads back to the office.

 

>

 

> He is annoyed because Felix is smarter than he is.

 

>

 

> Then he stops the truck and asks Felix to step outside.

 

>

 

> Joe hands Felix a piece of chalk and says, _"I want you to mark an X

 

> on the front of that tree over there."_

 

>

 

> As Felix runs towards the tree Joe mumbles to himself, _"Idiot! How

 

> would he know the front of a tree?"_

 

>

 

> Felix reaches the tree, walks around it and looks at the ground.

 

>

 

> Then he then reaches up and places a white X on the side that faces

 

> the road.

 

>

 

> He runs back to the truck and hands the chalk to Joe.

 

>

 

> Felix says, _"Dat's da front a' dat tree fer sure." _

 

>

 

> Joe laughs sarcastically and asks, _"How in hell do you know that's

 

> the front of the tree?"_

 

>

 

> Cleaning the toe of his left boot in the gravel, Felix replies, _"Cuz

 

> someone took a s**t behind it!"_

 

>

 

> Felix got the job.

 

 

[Marty_d]

Could've been the pope. I quite often mix my metaphors when answering something obvious and say "Does the pope sh*t in the woods?"

 

(I suppose the alternative is "Are bears catholic?", but for some reason I prefer the other one.)

 

 

[cscotthendry]

Could've been the pope. I quite often mix my metaphors when answering something obvious and say "Does the pope sh*t in the woods?"(I suppose the alternative is "Are bears catholic?", but for some reason I prefer the other one.)

Is the Pope Catholic? Are the Kennedys gun shy? Also works the other way round...

 

 

[M61A1]

Could've been the pope. I quite often mix my metaphors when answering something obvious and say "Does the pope sh*t in the woods?"(I suppose the alternative is "Are bears catholic?", but for some reason I prefer the other one.)

You don't have to be a rocket surgeon to figure it out.....or was that a brain scientist?

 

 

[M61A1]

I was at a job interview today, and the interviewer said, "It says on your CV that you are quick at mental arithmetic. What's seventeen times nineteen?"

 

I immediately said, "Thirty-six."

 

He said, "That's not even close."

 

I said, "But it was quick."