Chucky

I did the same thing but had a few extra bounces. Turns out I still had a littlle bit of power on...not much but just enough to make the aircraft want to become airborne again.

Paddy was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty quid" she whispers. He'd never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the heck, its only twenty quid. So they hide in the bushes. They're going at it for a couple of minutes when all of a sudden a light flashes on them, it's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?" asks the officer. "I'm making love to my wife," Paddy answers indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know." "Well," Paddy says, "neither did I until you shone that light on her face.

A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England" The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"

*1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? *2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are *3. Dementia --- I Think I 'll be Home for Christmas *4. Narcissistic --- Hark The Herald Angels Sing About Me *5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and..... *6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me *7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire *8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why *9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy. . oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away? *10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - - - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ......

Hospitals are also using it in the burns unit. It helps keep the sheets of your legs.

1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle. 3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!) 4. Make sure you put 000 on your speed dial before you begin. 5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember. 6. Keep the polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed. 7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act. 8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbours are deaf too. 9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news. 10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

RULES FOR BUYING GIFTS FOR MEN With Christmas bearing down you may be starting to get desperate for present ideas. Well ladies, lucky for you this handy list will be more than helpful... RULE 1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why. RULE 2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. No one knows why. RULE 3: If you are really short of money, buy him anything for his car. Washer fluid, wheel gloss or something to hang from the rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why. RULE 4: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to Boy Scouts or some other such organisation. Nothing says love like 200 hundred feet of 3/8" nylon rope. No one knows why. RULE 5: A new TV remote control to replace the one he has lost. If you have a lot of money buy him the latest all-singing, all-dancing widescreen TV. Watch the smile on his face as he flicks, and flicks, and flicks. RULE 6: Label makers are nearly as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Men really enjoy using these. No one knows why. Rule 7: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. He will be too preoccupied to speak to you for hours and he will always have parts left over. Rule 8: Men enjoy danger. That's why they love to barbecue. Get him a big gas barbecue. Tell him the gas line leaks. Such excitement! Who wants a hamburger?" Rule 9: Tickets to a football match are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "Creative Flower Arranging for Beginners." Everyone knows why. Rule 10: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule 6 and what happens when he gets a label maker. Rule 11: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminium extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why!

Classic!!!

A few hours plane hire would be nice.

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, "You Sign! You sign!" Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face. The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!" Mr Mandela is getting a bit annoyed by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again. The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!" Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him: "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?" The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says, in the best Chinese accent ever, "You not Nissan Main Deala?"

Kevin Rudd called Julia Gillard into his office one day and said, "Julia, I have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win the country voters." "Good idea Leader, how will we go about it?" said Julia. "Well," said Rudd, "we'll get ourselves one of those Driza Bone coats, some RM Williams boots and an Akubra hat. Oh, and a blue cattle dog. Then we'll really look the part. We'll go to a typical old outback country pub, we'll show we really enjoy the bush." "Right." Said Julia. Days later, all kitted out and with the requisite blue heeler, they set off from Canberra in a westerly direction. Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for and found a typical outback pub. They walked in with the dog and up to the bar. "G'day mate," said Rudd to the bartender, "Two middies of your best beer." "Good afternoon Leader," said the bartender, "Two middies of our best coming up." Gillard and Rudd stood leaning on the bar drinking their beer and chatting, nodding now and again to whoever came into the bar for a drink. The dog lay quietly at their feet. All of a sudden, the door from the adjacent bar opened and in came a grizzled old stockman, complete with stockwhip. He walked up to the cattle dog, lifted its tail with the whip and looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the other bar. A few moments later, in came another old stockman with his whip. He walked up to the dog and lifted its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and went back to the other bar. Over the course of the next hour or so another four or five stockmen came in and lifted the dogs tail and went away looking puzzled. Eventually, Rudd and Gillard could stand it no longer and called the barman over. "Tell me," said Rudd, "why did all those old stockmen come in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it an old outback custom?" "Strewth no!" said the barman. "Someone told 'em there was a cattle dog in the bar with two a:censored:holes!"

Put my name down for Hippo racing!

Wife gets naked & asks hubby,'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?' Hubby looks her up & down and replies,'Your sense of humour!'

Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks,'Dad, what's love juice?' Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex. Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement. Dad says, 'So what were you watchin'?' Billy says, 'Wimbledon.'

I posted that in the video section of this forum a couple of days ago and got shot down my other members for doing so...Pretty sure its a clever fake or we would have seen it on the evening news.

The C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off. The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "Watch this!" and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that? The C-130 pilot said, "That was impressive, but watch this!" The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said: "What did you think of that?" Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, "What the heck did you do?" The C-130 pilot chuckled. "I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, went to the bathroom, then got a cup of coffee and a donut."

Four lawyers in a law firm lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. It was their favourite moment of the week. Then one of the lawyers was transferred to an office in another city. It wasn't quite the same without him. A new woman lawyer joined their law firm. One day she overheard the remaining three talking about their golf round at the coffee table. Curious, she spoke up, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?" The three lawyers looked at each other. They were hesitant. Not one of them wanted to say "yes", but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting pretty early, at 6:30 am. He figured the early tee-time would discourage her immediately. The woman said this might be a problem, and asked if she could possibly be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said this would be okay. She smiled, and said, "Good, then I'll be there either at 6:30 or 6:45." She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up beating all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was a fun and pleasant person the entire round. The guys were impressed! Back in the clubhouse they congratulated her and happily invited her back the next week. She smiled, and said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45." The next week she again showed up at 6:30 Saturday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three lawyers were incredulous as she still managed to beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. By now the guys were totally amazed, but wondered if she was just trying to make them look bad by beating them left-handed. They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be showing them up, but each man began to harbour a burning desire to beat her! In the third week they all had their game faces on... But this week she was 15 minutes late! This had the guys irritable because each was determined to play the best round of golf of his life, to beat her. As they waited for her, they figured her late arrival was some petty gamesmanship on her part. Finally, she showed up. This week the lady lawyer played right-handed, which was a good thing since she narrowly beat all three of them. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play; it was hard to hold a grudge against her. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out! Back in the clubhouse she had all three guys shaking their heads at her ability. They had a couple of beers after their round which helped the conversation loosen up. Finally, one of the men could contain his curiosity no longer. He asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?" The lady blushed, and grinned. She said, "That's easy when my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I have always had fun switching back and forth. Then when I met my husband in college and got married, I discovered he always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed. All the guys on the team thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it pointed straight up in the air?" She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late..."

NO!!!!thumb_downthumb_downthumb_down:censored:

That's a good point crashley. I have noticed myself fixing on the centre line about 30 metres in front of me rather than looking more towards the horizon like I should.

I've recently changed from flying a Jab LSA to a J160 and I am having trouble holding it straight after touchdown.My last two landings have been all over the place like a mad dogs breakfast! I don't know if i'm just over correcting or what. Anybody got any advice? I'd love to hear it.:confused: Thanks,

There is a story about the Human Factors Course in October issue of RAA magazine(page 45) stating we can do the test online. So where do we go?

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma had a mild stroke, couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, "Hi Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew... "They won't let me fart."

A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun. He shouts "This is a hold up - everyone get on the floor!", and proceeds to empty the cash drawers. As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts "Did anybody else here see my face?". The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also. "Did anybody else see my face?" He shouts again, waving his gun around. There is a silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner. "I think my wife caught a glimpse..."

Glad he wasn't a proctologist! What do puppies and near-sighted gynecologists have in common? They both have wet noses!

Following the problems in the financial markets around the US and Europe, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last seven days Origami Bank has folded. Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today, shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.