Chucky

Three women friends, one in a casual relationship one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives. After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some role playing. The following week they met up again to compare notes: Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, “Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there! The engaged woman giggled and said, “That's pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date! The married woman put her glass down and said, “I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, “Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?“

Late one cold, wet, miserable night a truckie was driving his rig slowly along a narrow, dark, winding, muddy, country road. The rain was so heavy he could barely see 5 metres in front of him. It was a trip that he had done many times before...but tonight something felt different. He could feel the hairs standing up on the back of his neck. It was like... something was watching him...when all of a sudden his headlights went out and the engine stopped dead! He frantically searched for his mobile phone but when he finally found it, it too was dead. What was he going to do! Well, all of a sudden the rain began to stop and he could just start to make out a faint glimmer of light glowing in the distance.It was a farm house. He was scared to be in that dark cab any longer... he had to get out of there now. So he unlocked the door and out he jumped. He ran like he had never run before, and he felt his heart beating like it was ready to explode. He got to the door and started beating on it like there was tomorrow. When finally the porch light came on. He was saved. The door slowly creaked open and there in the doorway dimly lit by the light from the fireplace was this little old man. "Please mister" he said. "My truck has just broken down just down the road a bit and I need somewhere to stay till the morning until I can get someone out to help me." The old man looked at him and said " Ok but there is something I need to tell you first." "My Phone actually does work....I haven't got three beautiful daughters...and I only have one bed but you're welcome to bunk with me." To which the truckie replies " Oh crap. I'm in the wrong joke!"

An elderly man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?" The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost a half million dollars!" "That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because this car can do up to 190 miles an hour!" states the doctor proudly. The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?" "No problem," replies the doctor. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my moped!" Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly... WHOOOOSSSHHH! Something whips by him going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 180 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas. He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN! Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 190 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do! Suddenly, the moped ploughs into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end! The doctor stops and jumps out and, unbelievably, finds the old man still alive. He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, "I'm a doctor... Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man whispers, "Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror..."

Here's the latest from the local paper. Airpark dream goes on display July 22, 2008 By Kallee Buchanan THE dream of flying a plane right to the home of aviation enthusiasts is now one step closer as stage five of John Pressler's airpark development goes on display. Mr Pressler said the Kensington Lakes Residential Airpark on Johanna Boulevard would incorporate about 115 air-access lots, and 510 conventional residential lots. "Everything's going fine," Mr Pressler said of the development's progress. He said the project was an ambitious one. "This is a big lot development," Mr Pressler said. "It's a planned community which is quite comprehensive by any standard." A spokeswoman for Bundaberg Regional Council said town planners had requested more information from the developer, owing to the size of the airpark. "Council now has that information so the development application can now be advertised," the spokeswoman said. Mr Pressler said he was happy with how the project was progressing. "We've got concept plans," he aid. Mr Pressler said the request from council was not the only one he was dealing with. "We've currently got an information request from various agencies (like) Main Roads," Mr Pressler said. Along with the stand-alone residences, the park will include a four-hectare retirement village, five and seven-storey lakefront buildings boasting 360 units, businesses and a local shopping centre. It will all centre around 10ha of lake, with a promenade and areas of parks, trails and gardens. Air-access lots will have hangars and taxi ways linking to Bundaberg Airport. Mr Pressler said the scope of the project meant some details were still being determined. "At this point of time now, you don't have the intricate detail," Mr Pressler said. He said the detailed design of the lake would be presented to council. "Bearing in mind there is an enormous amount of work that has to be done by consultants," Mr Pressler said. The plans for the airpark are available at council for viewing until September 3, and signed, written submissions can be made until then. More here http://www.kensingtonlakes.com.au/the-place/the-residential-airpark/

Ok here goes....Thong= an item of clothing some ladys ( and sometimes gents )wear on their butt. NOT the rubber things you wear on your feet. G banger= Similar item otherwise known as G-string. :big_grin: If this hasn't helped google it.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AUSTRALIAN WHEN... 1. You're familiar with Neighbours, Home and Away, Playschool, A Country Practice, Norman Gunston, Barry Humphries, Blue Heelers, Ray Martin, Bert Newton, Lisa McCune, Jon Burgess, Number 96, Molly Meldrum, Kerry O'Brien, and of course, Kerry Packer, and Rupert Murdoch. 2. You know that Burger King doesn't exist. It's Hungry Jacks. 3. You know that snow is a memorable and freakish occurrence. Sometimes it's even fake. 4. You know the difference between thongs and a G-banger 5. You know that "stubbies" are either short shorts or small beer bottles, a "gimp", "bogan" or "geezer" is a random idiot, someone in trouble is in "strife" and you're liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans "rooting" for something. 4. You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in 'o': arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto etc. 5. You know that some people pronounce "Australia" like "Strayla" and that's ok. 6. You know that there is a universal place called "woop woop" located in the middle of nowhere... no matter where you actually are. 7. You know that while we call our friends 'mates', we don't use terms like 'shiela' and 'shrimp on the barbie', contrary to popular belief. 8. You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer because it tastes like s**t. But we let the world think we do. Because we can. 9.You've heard the Prime Minister dismiss anyone who disagrees with him simply as 'un-Australian', and that's enough to make us sit down and shut up. 10. You resent people who succeed over others - everyone should do the same thing, so we all get a "fair go"; a kind of 'American-dream' in reverse. This is why we actively like not liking Americans. 11. You've seen Gallipoli, Crocodile Dundee, Young Einstein, Muriel's Wedding, The Castle, Beneath Clouds, Strictly Ballroom, 40,000 Horsemen, and maybe even Wolf Creek. 12. It makes you happy when someone in Hollywood is actually Australian... Mel Gibson, Nicole Kidman, Russel Crowe, Cate Blanchett, Baz Luhrman, Elle MacPherson, Olivia Newton-John, Midnight Oil, ACDC, INXS, Greg Norman, Cathy Freeman, Dawn Fraser, Pat Rafter, Ian Thorpe... 13. One word: Skippy. 14. You know that Sydney 2000 was one of our proudest moments in history. We just rock. 15. You know our country has never been conquered by a foreign nation (you don't count 1788). 16. You know that the value of a public holiday is measured in terms of alcohol. God bless the queen and her 3-day birthday. 17. We know that the Metric system will always be better than anything inches, feet, pounds and Fahrenheit will ever offer. 18. You drive on the left-hand side of the road... also known as the RIGHT side of the road. 19. If you're a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will fearlessly cross the street in front of them. 'Hit and runs' just aren't cricket. Because Aussies stick together. 20. You think of Australia as being somewhat out of place within the Asia-Pacific region; surrounded by unstable ex-colonial nations who regard you as racist, imperialist, and unfairly wealthy. 21.You have a story that somehow involves an excessive consumption of goon... but you can't remember. 22. You know that you can't eat Fantales alone... Otherwise who will you play the 'Who am I...' game with when you're reading the wrapper? 23. You know that Sydney should be the capital because Canberra is a hole. 24. You know that Americans think we're all Steve Irwin clones. And crikey, they couldn't be more wrong. 25. You know that lawyers wear wigs and gowns. And we make it look good. 26. You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume. 27. You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread... and actually grow to like it. You've also squeezed Vegemite through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms. 28. You believe that democracy means the freedom to draw caricatures of good ol' Johnny Howard. 29. You think footballers dressing up in drag on TV are funny (but your son being gay isn't). 30. You have the ability to compress several words into one - ie. 'g'day' and 'd'reckn?'. This allows more space for profanities. 31. You've ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet - to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you REALLY mean it. 32. You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad. 33. The private lives of footy and cricket players become more important than local and national news stories. 34. You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realize it or not. 35. You know what fairy bread tastes like, and you can't imagine your childhood without it. 36. You know the first verse to the national anthem, but still don't know what "girt" means. And you're ok with that. 37. You've drank your tea/coffee/Milo through a Tim-tam. 38. You know that backyard cricket is a nice way to bond with family and the rubbish bin. And the 'one bounce, one hand' rule always applies. 39. You know that we are home to the just about all of the world's deadliest of animals. That's why if anybody messes with us we'll get some funnel webs on their asses. 40. You see people walking bare-foot on the sidewalk and don't scorn.... because you're doing it too. 41. You know what Tropfest is and it makes you happy. 42. Sausage rolls and meat pies. End of story. 43. You firmly believe that in the end, everything will be ok and have offered advice that included the words, "she'll be right, mate". 44. You own a Bond's chesty. In several different colors. 45. You've ordered a steak the size as your head and only paid $5 at your local RSL. 46. You know that Italy should never have been granted that fateful kick in the 2006 Soccer World Cup. 47. You know how to slip, slop, slap like it's nobody's business.

:laugh:Found this one and thought I should share.

Here's a video of a Jab going through some of its safety checks. http://www.jabiru.net.au/Video%20Clip/Jabiru%20Testing%20Highlights.wmv

NO! Dont give up. You will never forgive yourself. Trust me when I tell you I am the worst person when it comes to motion sickness. I got through by taking Travacalm Original. It contains caffiene to overcome drowsiness.( I didn't experience any.) But only take one. Talk to your instuctor about making your lessons a little bit shorter maybe? There's no law that says it has to be a full hour. Only have a light breakfast like a couple of pieces of toast, and I found Ginger beer is a good idea. And above all relax! Just my 11 cents worth.( GST inc. );)

Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming." "Yes I do!" "Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?" "Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down." "Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair and throws it out of the cage? What do you do then?" "Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down." "Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?" "Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him." "Well, what if that gun doesn't work? What will you do then?" "Well, then I pick up some of the crap that's on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out of the cage." "Well, what if there ain't no crap in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?" "Well, that's dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don't work, there's going to be some crap on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that."

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing." The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check."There's no charge," she says. "No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says. "Honestly, ma'am," the blonde says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. Then it was just a matter of switching the heads." :yuk:

No Nev. Cut and paste is a wonderfull time saver.:thumb_up:

A guy spent five years travelling all around the world making a documentary on Native dances. At the end of this time, he had every single native dance of every indigenous culture in the world on film -- or so he thought. He wound up in Australia, in Alice Springs, so he popped into a pub for a well earned beer. He got talking to one of the local Aborigines and told him about his project. The Aborigine asked the guy what he thought of the Butcher Dance. "Butcher Dance?" he said, confused. "What's that?" "What? You didn't see the Butcher Dance?" "No, I've never heard of it." "Mate, you're crazy," the Aborigine replied. "How can you say you filmed every native dance if you haven't seen the Butcher Dance?" "Umm. I got a Corroborree on film just the other week. Is that what you mean?" "No, no. The Butcher Dance is much more important than the Corroborree." "Oh," the man said, his curiosity piqued. "Well how can I see this Butcher Dance then?" "Mate, the Butcher Dance is way out in the wilderness. It'll take you many days of travel to go see it." "Look, I've been everywhere from the forests of the Amazon, to deepest darkest Africa, to the frozen wastes of the Arctic filming these dances. Nothing will prevent me from recording this one last dance." "Ok, mate," the Aborigine replied, shrugging. "You drive north along the highway towards Darwin. After you drive 197 miles, you'll see a dirt track veer off to left. Follow the dirt track for 126 miles till you see big huge dead gum tree -- the biggest tree you've ever seen. Here you gotta leave car, because it's much too rough for driving. You strike out due west into the setting sun. Walk three days till you hit a creek. You follow this creek to the northwest. After two days you'll find where the creek flows out of some rocky mountains, but it's much too difficult to cross the mountains there, though. So you head south for half day until you see a pass through mountains. The pass is very difficult and very dangerous. It'll take you two, maybe three days to get through it. On the other side, head northwest for four days until you reach a big huge rock -- twenty feet high and shaped like a man's head. From the rock, walk due west for two days, and then you'll find the village. You'll be able to see the Butcher Dance there." So the guy grabbed his camera crew and equipment and headed out. After a couple of hours, he found the dirt track. The track was in a shocking state, and he was forced to crawl along at a snail's pace, and so he didn't reach the tree until dusk, where he was forced to set up camp for the night. He set out bright and early the following morning. His spirits were high, and he was excited about the prospect of capturing on film this mysterious dance that he had never heard mention of before. True to the directions he had been given, he reached the creek after three days and followed it for another two, until he reached the rocky mountains. The merciless sun was starting to take its toll, and the spirits of both himself and his crew were starting to flag; but wearily they trudged on, finally finding the pass through the mountains. Nothing would prevent him from completing his life's dream. The mountains proved to be every bit as treacherous as their guide had said, and at times they despaired of ever getting their bulky equipment through. But after three and a half days of back breaking effort, they finally forced their way clear and continued their long trek. When they reached the huge rock, four days later, their water was running low, and their feet were covered with blisters, but they steeled themselves and headed out on the last leg of their journey. Two days later they virtually staggered into the village. To their relief, the natives welcomed them and fed them and gave them fresh water, and they began to feel like new men. Once he recovered enough, the guy went before the village chief and told him that he came to film their Butcher Dance. "Oh mate," he said. "Very bad you come today. Butcher Dance last night. You too late. You miss dance." "Well, when do you hold the next dance?" "Not till next year." "Well, I've come all this way. Couldn't you just hold an extra dance for me tonight?" "No, no, no!" the chief exclaimed. "Butcher Dance very holy. Only hold once a year. You want see Butcher Dance, you come back next year." Understandably, the guy was devastated, but he had no other option but to head back to civilization and back home. The following year, he headed back to Australia and, determined not to miss out again, set out a week earlier than before. He was quite willing to spend a week in the village before the dance is performed in order to ensure he was present to witness it. But right from the start, things went wrong. Heavy rains that year turned the dirt track to mud, and the car got bogged down every few miles. Finally they had to abandon their vehicles and slog through the mud on foot almost half the distance to the tree. They reached the creek and the mountains without any further problems, but halfway through the mountain pass, they were struck by a fierce storm that raged for several days, during which they were forced to cling forlornly to the mountainside until it subsided. Then, before they had travelled a mile out from the mountains, one of the crew sprained his ankle badly, slowing down the rest of their journey greatly. Eventually, having lost all sense of how long they had been travelling, they staggered into the village right at noon. "The Butcher Dance!" the man gasped. "Please don't tell me I'm too late to see it!" The chief recognised him and said, "No, white fella. Butcher Dance performed tonight. You come just in time." Relieved beyond measure, the crew spent the rest of the afternoon setting up their equipment and preparing to capture the night's ritual on celluloid. As dusk fell, the natives started to cover their bodies in white paint and adorn themselves in all manner of birds' feathers and animal skins. Once darkness had settled fully over the land, the natives formed a circle around a huge roaring fire. A deathly hush descended over performers and spectators alike as a wizened old figure with elaborate swirling designs covering his entire body entered the circle and began to chant. "What's he doing?" the man whispered to the chief. "Hush," the chief whispered back. "You first white man ever to see most sacred of our rituals. Must remain silent. Holy man, he asks that the spirits of the dream world watch as we demonstrate our devotion to them through our dance, and, if they like our dancing, will they be so gracious as to watch over us and protect us for another year." The chanting of the holy man reached a stunning crescendo before he removed himself from the circle. The rhythmic pounding of drums boomed out across the land, and the natives began to sway to the stirring rhythm. The guy became caught up in the fever of the moment himself. This was it. He realized beyond all doubt that his wait had not been in vain. He was about to witness the ultimate performance of rhythm and movement ever conceived by mankind. The chief strode to his position in the circle and, in a big booming voice, started to sing: "You butch yer right arm in. You butch yer right arm out. You butch yer right arm in, and you shake it all about...."

I was sick on my very first lesson and I thought the very same thing, but with the help of travel sickness medication I have made it to the end of my training and tomorrow I am going for my flight test with the CFI. In regards to learning in rough conditions, well I had two or three lessons on what were considered "bad" days and I was given the choice to either cut the lesson short or keep going. I chose to keep going because I wanted to see if I could handle it while I had my instructor beside me just in case something went badly wrong. A couple of months later I while on a solo flight I did cop a few nasty patches of air but I had the confidence to continue without the need for a change of underwear.:clown:

Got mine today!

That was the funniest thing I've read in ages.:big_grin::hittinghead:

Go with Jabiru You won't regret it.:thumb_up:

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars. if this has been posted previously.

Hi Ian, I'm doing my training with Ken Peterson from Bundy Flying School. Alan

Well after 17 Hours of dual instruction my instructor looked at me and said "Pull up here, I'm getting out." So away I went and now I have a certificate on my lounge room wall that states that "I did on this day rise aloft in a flying machine and then by skilful manipulation of the controls did alight again upon the ground, thus joining that select band of intrepid aviators who have successfully broken the bonds that hold lesser mortals earthbound." Proudest day of my life. Alan.

Looks like I've opened a big can of worms with this topic. Thanks everyone for their input :) I agree stalls should only be performed during lessons with instructors.The whole purpose is to show you how to save your life in an emergency,not to get a cheap thrill by scaring the **** out of your passenger. If you want to do that take them on the Ghost Train at the next Show/Ekka.

Can someone tell be what to expect during Passenger Endorsement training? Thanks Alan.:confused:

I had the same problem on my very first flying lesson. After an unsuccessfull search for a chucky bag my instructor was very impressed by the way I was able to throw up down the inside of my shirt and not make a mess of the plane. I have been taking Kwells ever since and have not had any further probs.