Qantas - Still amusing

[kgwilson]

Qantas Airlines - Repair Division

 

 

 

In case you need a laugh:

 

Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

 

 

 

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

 

The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

 

 

 

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

 

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

 

 

 

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

 

 

 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

 

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

 

 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

 

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

 

 

P: Something loose in cockpit.

 

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

 

 

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

 

S: Live bugs on back-order.

 

 

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.

 

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

 

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

 

S: Evidence removed.

 

 

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

 

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

 

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

 

S: That's what friction locks are for.

 

 

 

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

 

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

 

 

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

 

S: Suspect you're right.

 

 

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.

 

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

 

 

P: Aircraft handles funny............ (I love this one!)

 

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

 

 

P: Target radar hums.

 

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

 

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.

 

S: Cat installed.

 

 

 

[M61A1]

As well-

 

P-Oil leakage from #3 propeller hub

 

S-Oil leak assessed normal

 

P- # 1,2 & 4 propeller hub lack normal leakage.

 

 

[Tomo]

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

 

 

[horsefeathers]

Qantas Airlines - Repair Division.........

 

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

 

.............

Ahh, just to correct this rather old red herring - Qantas has never had a fatal jet airliner accident, but it has had fatalities.

 

Check out this wikipedia page

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Qantas_fatal_accidents

 

 

[XP503]

Saw these exact funnies in a magazine years ago but it didn't mention it was from Qantas, where did you source them from kgwilson?

 

 

[dazza 38]

Its obviously American - We dont call it a Gripe sheet, tyre not tire, dunno who wrote it but you dont need a college degree to fly a aircraft.And you dont need a high school deploma(American again) to be a AME/LAME.This has been around in one form or another for a very long time. Apart from that.It is funny.

 

 

[Guest Howard Hughes]

Surely not American, it wasn't spelt (spelled) Quantas!!!

 

 

[kgwilson]

Saw these exact funnies in a magazine years ago but it didn't mention it was from Qantas, where did you source them from kgwilson?

Yeah, I'd seen them before too but can't remember where. This was an email sent to me by an old aeroclub mate. He sends me thousands of jokes interspersed with some great aviation news & links. He is like a world joke hub.

 

 

[ayavner]

I remember it from back in the 80s working as a Crew Chief in the USAF... and I think even then it was considered old. Obviously it wasn't QANTAS, but the jokes were the same.