turboplanner Posted March 18, 2014 Share Posted March 18, 2014 .....are smelly. Take Foxhunter for example, his dentist goes to Coates hire to get an extractor fan before doing any work on his rotting teeth, and at the local restaurant the non- smokers sit outside because....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 19, 2014 Share Posted March 19, 2014 ....... Foxy also has galloping wind (AvRef) which has been known to trigger severe turbulence (AvRef) below 500 ft (AvRef) and to exceed the methane quotient generated by the national dairy herd (CowRef) ................ however despite the restaurant owner's best efforts, all the hire joints had run out of extractor fans. As a result, a Naked Flame [which is also Ahlo's Mardi Gras stage name] could have exploded the joint. However those non-smokers are hardy souls and ............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 .......friendly too, provided none of those fag sucking nicotine stained zombies who sit out blocking the footpath stay away. Turbo taken to enter a restaurant in two stages, the first being to pull the Chevy as close as possible to the outdoor seating, jam the throttle down, and in the same instant turn the key off, ensuring it gets a gigantic charge of raw fuel, then turning the key back on. The resulting bang sounds like the shot that was heard around the world. The Outsiders are all gone by the time Turbo strolls in. The writer, who shall remain enonomouse has seen "Naked Flame" perform. It was at a footrot shed christening, and since there were only men there and we weren't of the same persuasion as "Naked Flame", someone went up to the homestead and brought the cook back thinking she'd enjoy it, but "Naked Flame" threw a hissy fit and wouldn't get out of his fire suit until....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 .......... he received his double overtime, his country allowance, his tight boots stipend and a new set of red CFA bracers. "Hey TurdBro" said the Cook "I'm up here in the sticks to get away from the Carlton Crew and was it your cunning stunt in the red 'Vette outside La Porcella that got the boys all toey, resulting in Benji being shot?" "Yep" replied the Turdbro "That backfire that sounds like a 9 mm thru a Glock 17 is my signature move and it was great fun to see Carl Williams dive under the table all covered in Bolognese sauce and with sgetti in his hair." "But aren't you a bit worried that someone will come after you?" she asked. The T-Bro thought for a while, touched the bulge under his coat (and in his dacks), pointed to the shotty between the seats in the 'Vette and said ".............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 "..... they all tried" and with a knowing wink "You know where they are now. except bloody Mick and his Benz. I taught him to............." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 "..... they all tried" and with a knowing wink "You know where they are now. except bloody Mick and his Benz. I taught him to............." ..... duck and cover with the best of them. But it's not only Mick & his Benz, there is Larry and his Lambo, Ferdi & his Ferarri, Angelo and his Aston, Turdy and his 'Vette ................ oh .......... oops ........... that's me." "Ah So" said Inspector Ratty of the AussieFP "So Turdbro has confirmed that he is a made-man, which backs up our intelligence on his standing in the Carlton Crew" "I thought that Turdy supports the Demons" replied Brine who knows him well "And hence their standing on the ladder over the past couple of years ........... but I also hear on the choko-vine that following the outburst by James' missus this morning, Turdy is now in the frame for the Bombers' gig if Mark knocks back an extension for another year." "I'm ready" said TurdBro in a statement that was again read by his lawyer "I have single-handedly sorted out RAOz, Facty, Foxy, Ocscar and a few other dills on Wreck Flying (including Eeeeen, El Ratpoo and Robin-of-Loxley) so I'm ready for a new challenge, and making a few buff young blokes play decent footy can't be too hard, can it, surely? So I'm prepared to take on the Essendon gig in 2015 if my favouritism slips for Andrew Demetriou's job, although ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 ".........it all looks a bit late there with Scandal rearing its ugly head (a head not unlike Madge's by the way, so maybe I'll offer the job to Ratpox as a special favour. He won't know the difference because by the time he's finished kick starting that white Suzuki his eyes were glazed over. And he isn't that bright; how about the last time he came to Melbourne and I told him the law had been changed making it compulsory for motorcyclist to ride in bike lanes." "There were Lycra......." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 ............... clad Hell's Angles, Rebels, CommonCheerio's, Finks, Black Ulans and Coffin Cheaters using every bike lane in Melbourne, with Turbo on their minds and in their .............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 ............... clad Hell's Angles, Rebels, CommonCheerio's, Finks, Black Ulans and Coffin Cheaters using every bike lane in Melbourne, with Turbo on their minds and in their .............. ............ hit list, which was circulated in a daily bulletin via sms, Skype and Email to all of the 1 percenters (A bulletin to put a bullet-in our very own Turdy Plonker). "Wait" yelled Salty as he jumped in front of The TurdBro as a human shield and he said "Don't shoot as he is actually a ............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 ......n Oil of Ulan member, and gets us all off out speeding fines when....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bandit12 Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 ....the eyes of the angry traffic officer are drawn to his taut, young Ulan skin, the anger fading and a look of wonderment crossed his face, before he asked....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 "Is that you Ahlot?" Turbo almost threw up; he threw the Harley down [quite a common reaction after a few pieces have fallen off], and said "............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 ............ "You obviously haven't seen Ahlot with lycra pushy dacks on, as it looks like he has his set of lock-picks stored down the front, whereas I look like I have a .................. Loxly's set of luxury lock picks .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andys@coffs Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 "picks Schmicks.....winced Briney........You simply need a bigger hammer....I mean really its a mans job, and needs man sized tools!" Yeah said monsieur Blank Page....don't play round the edges with pretend poncy tools when there's a Tool Review Committee that, we are told, is about to deliver a Tool plan for the future...any day now....... ElRatPoo was caught with the "Im thinking" look on his face.......The sentence was complete, it was easy to understand...arguments for and against could be thought of...... "Alright which of youse NES guys is pretending to be Blank?I know its not him cause...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 24, 2014 Share Posted March 24, 2014 ............ I have read them words and can understand 'em." "It was me" answered Andy, rather pleased with himself having pulled off an elaborate double-bluff. But, dear reader, that is not the only thing that Andy had pulled off, as he has always been a proponent of "man sized tools" (as evidenced by his incriminating post # 8764) and Andy felt the need to coff up that he had ............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 .........at one time even been the teacher's pet, bringing along an apple or other piece of fruit every....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 ........ time that other piece of fruit wanted to go to school. "Is he talking about me?" asked Ahlow, just as a car pulled up at the curb. "Do you mind if I pork my corr here?" asked Oscar Pistoffreus "And what are you chaaaps doing tonight aat the Blue Oyster?" "Well I know one thing for sure" replied Ahlow "I'm not gunna lock myself in the dunny ..... but then again we could ................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 .....put some mirrors on..................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 ........... the top of your springs and use them to inspect the exhausts on Axes as a service to all Axe owners, or to look up ........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 28, 2014 Share Posted March 28, 2014 "Madge and ask him if he's attached a camera to his mirror." Madge hadn't been seen for a while, and hadn't been heard from for even longer, and it's believed he was absorbed by the cloak of secrecy in the night, perhaps strolling down the street with Abraham Lincoln, or debating with Shakespeare - no we'll cross that one off - but he appears to have been lost to the members and given over to the black shroud. Will he ever be heard again giving sound advice to Jab owners? Will he be seen welding cracked exhausts [WHICH IN NO WAY HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE MAKE OF ENGINE EVEN THOUGH NO OTHER ENGINES, OR THOSE THAT LAST LONG ENOUGH, HAVE CRACKED EXHAUSTS], and in fact training teams of young aviatiors in the art of making 7 day welding repairs. There was a furtive movement from behind Ahlot's skir jeans......................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 29, 2014 Share Posted March 29, 2014 There was a furtive movement from behind Ahlot's skir jeans......................... .......... which is unusual for Ahlot these days, now that he has qualified for membership of the A&DAPA (Ancient and Decrepit Antique Pilot's Association), but then Tubb realised what caused that furtive movement. "Furrrrt" went Ahlot again, involuntarily, and apologised to the woman and kiddie that were standing in the line behind him. Turbo sniggered and said ".............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 ..........Ahlot's Furrts should be bottled and sold to the Police Force as a far more effective weapon than pepper spray. "I've ............................." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 ......... seen a bunch of lycra clad Cough'n Cheaters cower in fear when the wallopers use Ahlot's deterrent spray on them for overuse of the bike lane, and the RAOZ can use it to control those that start their engines in the flight-line at Natfly (AvRef) or when ............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 ....................and at this point Ahlot had started to dream of the financial possibilities. Knowing he only had finite resources of the precious gas, and the law enforcement industry all over the world had virtually "cleaned him out" he started writing books. NES readers may have seen some of them" How I made $50,000.00 a year furrting Furrts for cash Furrting to the stars The Physcology of Furrting There's no "I" in Furrting Furrting on the Public Transport System Furrting and your Tax Investigation officer I was a teenage Furrter Six profitable ways to Furrt When everyone in the room looks at you Love Story - control is everything Today Ahlot is a very rich man, but inexplicably lives alone and.............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 Today Ahlot is a very rich man, but inexplicably lives alone and.............. ....... is the male equivalent of Rhonda on that car insurance advert. He even has a nice brake foot, and a sunglasses mark from over-use of his tanning bed. (That is why Ahlot often says "You look hot today Ratty ........ Like a sunrise") SOoooooo the big question for our dear NES readers is, who will be Ahlow's Ketut (or his Trent Toogood) and to whom will he whisper "Sanya cinta kamu, you too" after they put back his ankle bracelet? (In Ahlow's case the ankle bracelet is branded "NSW Corrective Services", but apart from that Ahlot is a .................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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