Captain Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 .....the bruddy clows" exclaimed Nobu"He is not a clow, ...uh...crow, he is just a naughty magpie who has been pinching Madges bloomers off the line at..... ...... ever incleasing flequencies. 'I ruv magpies as they are always blave" disclosed Nobu."See the picture below of a blave maggy giving that smartarse hawk some glief (a bit rike Turbo giving glief to some of the Lotax clowd with his Jabiloo stats, where he ....................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 ..........., our beloved Turbo Plonker, is like a combination of water boarding and being forced to sit on a bamboo shoot during the monsoon. "How can you prove or demonstrate that & where is that recorded?" asked Tubb. "I'm not gunna do your work for ya" replied Ratsack. "Now, now" said Salty "I want ............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 ....to hear more about the Rat's ancestors." "Funny you should say that" said Turbo, "because I have been very busy travelling Australia in search of the truth" He had left Melbourne shortly after Christmas, with a tail of two ASIO operatives in a Toyota Yaris close behind. On the date of the last post ( something army people are fond of just when everyone is asleep) by Ratso, he was deep inside the dark surrounds of Far Central Queensland, where running water usually comes out of cattle, and Motels are maintained true to their 1960's origins. Skirting the wrong side of Townsville (the last thing he wanted was to be accosted by Madge on the five dollar street), he pushed on the Cardwell, just south of Mission Beach, which astute readers will remember was where he had seen the very rare Snow Leopard a couple of years ago. He was on the trail of the 1848 exploration expedition of Edmund Kennedy who left from Rockingham Bay. Kennedy's aim was to get from here to the tip of Cape York, apparently unaware that the boat fare was only four guineas. He took with him Jacky Jacky, and aboriginal with an advanced stutter. As those of us who have been to school know ( and the writer accepts that excludes all the people north of the Brisbane Line and south of Launceston), Kennedy is alleged to have been speared by blacks, and Jacky Jacky made an almost impossible trip back to the supply ship with the story. When in FNQ some years ago Turbo had heard rumours of a different story, and this was what he was trying to uncover. Turbo eventually found the site where Kennedy was alleged to have been speared; It was covered in bully beef and Mother cans where successive generations of four wheel drivers had also made their pilgrimage to the site, but after several hours searching, Turbo found the ragged remains of Kennedy's coat, with the unmistakable hole from a musket ball through the breast. "Who would shoot Kennedy, and why?" he asked himself, but as he widened the search of this site of National importance, hanging from the thorns of a waitawhile vine he saw the faded blue of a torn uniform, unmistakable that of one of Cookie's soldiers. There was only one answer, and that was.............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 ........... that Cookie's soldiers would do anything for him (and I mean ANYTHING, after being 2 years away from the Portsmouth equivalent of the Blue Oyster Bar). "Too right" said Ken Nedy in an interview in the 1770 Argus "Because we reckon that Cookie must have a King's ransom & a week's worth of tucka shoved down the front of his dacks. Just look at the photo as posted by TurdBoy. You can see a few dubloons, several pieces of eight, an 8 pound cannon and a packed lunch (including the picnic basket)." But that was all denied by Jer-Jer-Jacky J-J-Jacky when he appeared on "Tonight in F'n Q" (just before the exposé on recreational aviation on fer-fer-fer-4 Ker-Ker-Corners) and said "Th-Th-that's n-n-not entirely t-t-t-ttrue, bec-c-c-ccause ................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 "C c oo oo ookie was back in Cookietown", and immediately his face went bright red because he realised he had let the cat out of the bag, and from now on.............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andys@coffs Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 All small k-k-kiiddiiiess will now know that the cookie monster doesn't live on Sesame St but rather an inconsequential place in FN'Q where the dogs never grow old...they just grow the local crocs and Bull............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 ...... speaking of which, Ratsack is very supportive of Turbo's genealogical investigations and has been doing some of his own. When low and be-bloody-hold, a head was found at Taree dating back to the 1600's or 1700's, see below: Manning River skull most likey belonged to white man from 1600. Did he beat Captain Cook to east coast of Australia? Source: The Daily Telegraph The human Skull found in the Manning River. Picture: Daniel Cummins Archeologists have come to two conclusions. "This is either a relative of TurdBoy's as he has that same nose and snarl that Turbo uses when in some discussions on Wreck Flying, or this could be his cousin, as they are about the same age." said Archy O Logist "Or our continuing excavations indicate that the expressions on that scull may just be from straining, because it was found on top of a 17th century hat, the contents of which sent our team scurrying for the bio-suits. The skeleton's leg and ars*-bones also appeared to be damaged by pecks from ducks or swans. Therefore it can reasonably be concluded the scull may have belonged to ............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 ...Lord Gerald Hatso of Khartoum, who in his later years became very erratic in the House of Lords, recommending Capital Punishment in all the largest Cities in The Empire, which, many people might not realise, is why we call them Capital Cities today. Gerry used to take great delight during parliamentary recesses in tormenting the geese in Hyde Park, much to the irritation of Lord Octave of Oboe, who invented a Mutation Powder which changed the DNA of the geese and gave them the personalities of pterodactyls, even though they remained a key link in the evolution of the human chain. Scholars (which rules out Ratso and Loxette) believe this was the moment that succeeding members of the male line terminating with Hatso have always worn long dresses, and.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 ...... based on his pole-dancing exhibition at the Blue Oyster last Saturday night (very ably MC'd by Ahlox), which included a naked expression-session where he also made tasteful use of an old Jabiru exhaust valve and a Stetson, everyone knows why Hatso has always needed to wear such a long dress to cover his ........... A female copying on of HatBoy's moves from his naked expression-session .............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 .....goose, which remains attached to him to this day. "what's a ............................" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 ........... "What's attractive-er? asked Brine "Andy or that female when in that position on the pole." "Andy by a long street" said AhPox "And I just looooooove expression sessions, even when clothed". "I've never seen a goose's neck that colour" said Turbo, who has seen a few "Why" he added "It's like a ................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andys@coffs Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 goose necky thing with a really big bulldog.....clip attached to the end that it turn is attached to my....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 ........... bulldog undies, which I usually wear like this ........." said Andy with characteristic Frank-ness, even though he was Andy. ......... or my "goose" undies which look like this .......... ....... however as a well known and respected Board Member, I just can't ever see myself ............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andys@coffs Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 wearing the white ones cause there are no Whites on the board...I mean there are some I'd like to have that done to but My A55 cheek would need to be the size of a domino's super super regular to have "His!" name fit.....an in any event the middle of his name isn't and anyone seeing it....and no that's not going to happen....would argue that's the left cheek....Id be confused, easily done these days and then poor old Tubs would say " that's not the left cheek, its the right!" But Rat would then identify that when flying with Andy you need to adopt the brace position, put your head between his legs and at the point, its clearly wrong!...No left!! Tubs looked non plussed and then you could see his eyes moving as he mentally re-enacted the Oh F manoeuvre but clearly before he got the end his " No more processing capacity Check light......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 ........ which happens to Turbo at traffic lights these days, while he looks around to see who is looking at him in the Vette. "Is that Brad Pitt?" ask the kiddies in the beige Corolla in the next lane. "Narrrr. It's Barry Hall" their mum replies. But enough of that because Ratsack is deep in thought considering the few times that he has flown with HatBoy when Andy has often called "Brace/Brace/Brace" and then told Ratso to put his head between his legs. "Shouldn't he say "Put your head between your own legs"" asked Ratty to Salty "Because I have always thought that ....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 ..........good manners start at home. Some people may have seen Turbo deep in conversation with a CASA person at Avalon this year. We're not saying who it was, but think Multiple Audits, picking on Jet Junior etc. It had started innocently enough with Turbo admitting that one WreckAv pilot had been seen chasing geese. "That indicates to me he is mentally unfit to fly" replied Mr X, and Turbo was put in the position of a squirming defence of Hatso. "He really is............." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bryon Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 ........ which happens to Turbo at traffic lights these days, while he looks around to see who is looking at him in the Vette. "Is that Brad Pitt?" ask the kiddies in the beige Corolla in the next lane. "Narrrr. It's Barry Hall" their mum replies. But enough of that because Ratsack is deep in thought considering the few times that he has flown with HatBoy when Andy has often called "Brace/Brace/Brace" and then told Ratso to put his head between his legs. "Shouldn't he say "Put your head between your own legs"" asked Ratty to Salty "Because I have always thought that ....... ......self gratification was naughty and made your eyes water" "Not so" said Salty, "I was told that self gratification was for A.Theists and his family who would never go to heaven according to Adon Ramasees from the book of ........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bryon Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Rats!!!!! where was Turdbros reply when I needed it See what happens when someone posts a reply in the early hours of the morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turboplanner Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 ........Vod, which Salty read avidly every night (well the label anyway). "We've had our eye on you goose chasers for some time" said the SeniorCASAPerson "Leave me out of it" said Salty, I haven't been near.................." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 ................ Adon Ramasees ................... (that is very funny Brine). .......... "Leave me out of it" said Salty, "I haven't been near .................." ...... Adon since he was going through his arty dance phase when I took the below photo of him dancing with my sister at a public (and pubic) performance at the Dandenong School of Arts & Men's Shed." "What a coincidence" interjected Andy "As I have my nipples pierced like that, too." "And here is a photo of Donny Ramses in later life" added Salty. "Orrrrrrrrrr. Fair go" replied Don "That was taken during one of my bad-hair-days and after Turbo had taken me for a spin in his Vette at 200 knots down the Lygon Expressway." "There's no such thing as the Lygon Expressway" replied Brine "It's Lygon St". "Well, no wonder it gave me a bit of a fright, but then again ............... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bryon Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 ........it was better than takin a stroll down Lygon St, cos you never know who you may bump into (NTTIAWWT). That place is full of.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 ........ people who are full of ........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 ........ good will, bon-vivant and ........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 ...... after the accident in France, the RAA sent all pilots for examination to see if they were suicidal, and then some CASA wanka wrote a new Human Factors chapter titled "The unseen dangers of CFIT-itis." A CASA edict was also issued requiring that 2 pilots always remain in the cockpit of all RAA aircraft, with particular reference to Drifters, even when the aircraft are hangared. "I went through the catacombs in Rome when Miss BangeItHolme and I were over there recently" said Turbo "But that just means that I went Sewer-Sidal for a while, and I always go to Lorne in February where I am partial to being Sea-Sidal, but I have never ...................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andys@coffs Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Meanwhile Andy was scratching his head.....I don't recall seeing a lock/unlock button on my panel anywhere....but then there's a whole bunch of stuff on that panel that does and shows things that I have no idea about......Come to think of it I cant recall seeing a Lav anywhere onboard either......perhaps that cigarette lighter socket doubles as a............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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