The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

32 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.... threw a burkha over Pangy walked into the bush and threw him into the blackberries, .....

This post, Dear Readers, has gone viral on Chinese social media, as billions of Chinese, who had grown tired of the bland taste of Pangolin & rice, are now rejuvenated by the prospect of the pangolin meat being basted with the rich taste of blackberry. This has also generated a new line of Chinese gastronomy as many in Inner Mongolia are also excited about the possibility of Pangolin in a Sambuca & cream sauce.

Franchised restaurant chains are already being planned, and shares + futures in Maccas China have slumped.

Edited Tuesday at 10:08 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

....sell mines and minesellers are a breed of their own, knowing all the tecniques from.......

[Captain]

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....sell mines and minesellers are a breed of their own, knowing all the tecniques from.......

..... salting, hence the 12 gauge shottys that brought a roaring trade for OT when he would hire them to mine owners near "end-of-life" after he had already made a handsome killing from hiring his hundreds of equipment items.

 

For $5,000 per cartridge, OT would also provide cartridges pre-loaded with pure gold pellets that he had ..... 

 

A classic western aphorism commonly attributed to Mark Twain defines a gold or silver mine as a hole in the ground with a liar on top.

[turboplanner]

........made from kindergarten gold paint and sheep droppings.

Cappy would invite the prospective owner down the mine and there in a little grotto would be the flecks of gold and odour of sheepsh!t that none of them woke up to .................... 

[Captain]

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........made from kindergarten gold paint and sheep droppings.

Cappy would invite the prospective owner down the mine and there in a little grotto would be the flecks of gold and odour of sheepsh!t that none of them woke up to .................... 

.... until a New Zulander was looking to buy a mine in WA and was down in the grotto.

 

"Hung on thur" he said "Thut's an unforguttable odor from my expurimental youth down in the buck padduck, and thus changes all of my preconcuptions about .....

Edited Wednesday at 12:17 PM by Captain

[onetrack]

.....whurr sheep go, whun yuh can't find thum! They go underground!"

 

"Of course", said OT soothingly, "Haven't you heard of underground mutton? It was a great delicacy in my youth, and even today, you still can find.........

[John Werner]

....."subterranean mutton forequarters dressed up as surficial lamb in the vicinity of Mount Cook or floating in Lake Wakatipu waiting for the other casserole ingredients to arrive "ex gradient" from Russia where they largely use potatos in such Soviet-era dishes because the sadness for the past holds everything together today" he said wishing he had never interceded in that scandal over pork chops at the Bolshoi Ballet......

[Captain]

4 hours ago, John Werner said:

....."subterranean mutton forequarters dressed up as surficial lamb in the vicinity of Mount Cook or floating in Lake Wakatipu waiting for the other casserole ingredients to arrive "ex gradient" from Russia where they largely use potatos in such Soviet-era dishes because the sadness for the past holds everything together today" he said wishing he had never interceded in that scandal over pork chops at the Bolshoi Ballet......

.... where Margot Fontaine was well known for liking a bit of pork on her fork, and Rudy could do wonders with a quart of vodka, a rather large diameter seasoned pork sausage, a full dip plie, and a gasp ......

Edited Wednesday at 06:07 PM by Captain

[Captain]

NOTE TO OUR HUNDREDS OF NES CONTRIBUTORS - Please use care and restraint with your Cessna jokes now that John W has joined us .......... or at least until Cappy can check the files in Argentina to see whether John is part of the SS Werners, or that other Werner family tree who were less extreme.

 

bull ..... John is from Tasmania. Do you know him? And can you attest as to his suitability for the high demands of the NES.

Edited Wednesday at 06:12 PM by Captain

[John Werner]

4 hours ago, Captain said:

NOTE TO OUR HUNDREDS OF NES CONTRIBUTORS - Please use care and restraint with your Cessna jokes now that John W has joined us .......... or at least until Cappy can check the files in Argentina to see whether John is part of the SS Werners, or that other Werner family tree who were less extreme.

Just because I was taught to fly in a Messerschmitt Bf 109 by Hermann Goering in 1936 (by which time he had lost his umlaut in the western press only to be replaced by a diphthong), doesn't mean that I can't take a well-directed joke about Clyde Cessna from Wichita, Kansas (ha, ha) or Cessnas in general (or Peter Piper from Pasadena or Mr. Beech from crafty Burbank for that matter).  I am not that sensitive except in the shower.

Following WWII, Cessna started creating light two-seater aircraft, releasing into the sky lanes of Kansas aircraft such as the Cessna 120, Cessna 140 and Cessna 150.

Finally, the durable Cessna 152, an updated version of the 150 and too flash for me, was introduced in 1977.  Fortunately, I had the Cessna franchise in Bavaria (CessNazi GmbH) at that time and haven't looked back since. Well, that and because I also, in a fit of pique, invented the Hindsight mirror for light aircraft in 1945 in order to assist in the relocation of the Geheime Staatspolizei local chapter to Brazil.  Life here in Buenos Aires is more than passing pleasant for an old aviator who has finally come up for some "good airs" but still misses the eight octas of northern Europe on occasion.  Finally, the Werner family tree no longer exists genetically having been chopped down during the defenestration of Prague by our neighbourhood Schutzstaffel who provided the model for our very own "Neighbourhood Watch" here in good old B.A..  Tasmania is simply being used here as an example of  the effects of Plate Tectonics in the Southern Hemisphere whilst really considering moving to a vowel-deficient country in Eastern Europe for the sheer hell of it .....

[Captain]

2 hours ago, John Werner said:

Just because I was taught to fly in a Messerschmitt Bf 109 by Hermann Goering in 1936 (by which time he had lost his umlaut in the western press only to be replaced by a diphthong), doesn't mean that I can't take a well-directed joke about Clyde Cessna from Wichita, Kansas (ha, ha) or Cessnas in general (or Peter Piper from Pasadena or Mr. Beech from crafty Burbank for that matter).  I am not that sensitive except in the shower.

Following WWII, Cessna started creating light two-seater aircraft, releasing into the sky lanes of Kansas aircraft such as the Cessna 120, Cessna 140 and Cessna 150.

Finally, the durable Cessna 152, an updated version of the 150 and too flash for me, was introduced in 1977.  Fortunately, I had the Cessna franchise in Bavaria (CessNazi GmbH) at that time and haven't looked back since. Well, that and because I also, in a fit of pique, invented the Hindsight mirror for light aircraft in 1945 in order to assist in the relocation of the Geheime Staatspolizei local chapter to Brazil.  Life here in Buenos Aires is more than passing pleasant for an old aviator who has finally come up for some "good airs" but still misses the eight octas of northern Europe on occasion.  Finally, the Werner family tree no longer exists genetically having been chopped down during the defenestration of Prague by our neighbourhood Schutzstaffel who provided the model for our very own "Neighbourhood Watch" here in good old B.A..  Tasmania is simply being used here as an example of  the effects of Plate Tectonics in the Southern Hemisphere whilst really considering moving to a vowel-deficient country in Eastern Europe for the sheer hell of it .....

..... but then again, .....

 

 

Cappy notes that verbosity is well received in the NES and further notes that JW is likely to give Turbo's tomes a bit of a punishing.

Edited yesterday at 01:38 AM by Captain

[John Werner]

55 minutes ago, Captain said:

Cappy notes that verbosity is well received in the NES and further notes that JW is likely to give Turbo's tomes a bit of a punishing.

Not too bad for a man of few words, hey!  Speaking of verbosity, I have noted elsewhere succinctly that the number of deliberate mistakes in any NES post is proportional to the length of the post divided by the cloud cover in degrees Celcius, both of which are sensitive to the number of octaves in a semi-quaver.  Furthermore, it has not escaped my attention that what is ok in TAS may not be in Victoria.  Some people ask me why Overcast, written as "OVC" in the METAR observation, is reported when the cloud cover is observed to equal eight oktas but never when it is observed that, in major or minor scales (which are the most common in Western fish), there are 7 notes before reaching the octave, which is the same note as the starting note, but an octave higher.  To cut to the chase and in the interests of brevity, I always respond that technically it's both.  In a traditional scale, like CB major, the distance from each octave is 8 notes but chromatically, it's 12 even if it is a cloudless day pretending to be a fugue.  From an aviator's perspective, which is what is relevant in this forum, it all depends on his altitude, not his attitude, as to whether he is reporting OVC or undercast.  I hope this brief tirade clears everything up for you all.

[Captain]

1 hour ago, John Werner said:

Not too bad for a man of few words, hey!  Speaking of verbosity, I have noted elsewhere succinctly that the number of deliberate mistakes in any NES post is proportional to the length of the post divided by the cloud cover in degrees Celcius, both of which are sensitive to the number of octaves in a semi-quaver.  Furthermore, it has not escaped my attention that what is ok in TAS may not be in Victoria.  Some people ask me why Overcast, written as "OVC" in the METAR observation, is reported when the cloud cover is observed to equal eight oktas but never when it is observed that, in major or minor scales (which are the most common in Western fish), there are 7 notes before reaching the octave, which is the same note as the starting note, but an octave higher.  To cut to the chase and in the interests of brevity, I always respond that technically it's both.  In a traditional scale, like CB major, the distance from each octave is 8 notes but chromatically, it's 12 even if it is a cloudless day pretending to be a fugue.  From an aviator's perspective, which is what is relevant in this forum, it all depends on his altitude, not his attitude, as to whether he is reporting OVC or undercast.  I hope this brief tirade clears everything up for you all.

Jawohl Johann.

 

But please allow Cappy to fill you in on a couple of issues, as your enthusiasm is admirable.

 

Over the years, some general conventions have been developed within the NES that have worked well with our thousands of readers, particularly those overseas that are language challenged (or bombchuckers who write backwards), the former of whom may include some of your rellows who are sitting at the moment drinking schnapps and liebfrauwein in The Berghoff in the Andes.

 

The 1st is that comments are mostly written in italics so that stewed ant pilots don't get too confused.

 

The 2nd is that all contributions to the Never Ending Story commence with .... , continue on in some manner from the previous brilliant contribution from one of our authors, and then end with ..... to allow the next Rhodes Scholar to follow on with his or her (NTTIAWWT) contribution.

 

The 3rd was that punctuation and capital letters were an essential part of the exercise, but that rule was chucked aside to cater for one of our most faithful and most valuable contributors who had come through the Nth Qld edumacation system and was having difficulties, as the QES computer that he was given as a kiddie had no caps keys nor any punctilliation keys that worked.

 

The 4th is that this is the Never Ending Story (NES) ...... and not the Never Ending Comment (NEC), so gird your loins young Johan and we look forward to whatever contribution you might make.

 

PS Sorry to hear about the Cessna, but keep trying and you are welcome here anyway.

Edited yesterday at 04:49 AM by Captain

[onetrack]

......horror, as it was suddenly realised by Margot and Rudy (and all the NES readers, too, of course) that the NES had now been infiltrated by a secretive ex-WW2 Messerschmitt fighter pilot, who has admitted to selling Cessnas as a sideline - and even worse - has admitted to being a Tasmanian.

 

One could forgive the new member for supporting one lost cause, but supporting three lost causes is too much, and makes one...........

[Captain]

..... wonder about his .....

[turboplanner]

.....ability with something serious like a Jabiru J230. There are so many stories about Cappy and what he called the "Wine Run" but really was flying with the wheels scraping the ground to get under the radar and bring Queensland immigrants back to Wagga Wagga as Roadhouse managers, butchers, chefs and firepersons. Loxie had learnt to yell GET ON THAT HOSE EH! and had his team in the top ten at fhe Fairies games but......................

[John Werner]

..... the new member, despite his Fascist origins, was able to transcend his Teutonic celebrity and deliver a timely but obsequious token of appreciation for his warm reception from those members preoccupied with getting on hoses in Fairy Games, however briefly.  As to the enduring nature of the indigenous Cessna in the Apple Isle, the newcomer was at a loss for words that more spleen wasn't vented at such a display of aeronautical ignorance in the face of redirection notices from above.  For some esoteric reason, the novice devotee from Wichita, Kansas, could never quite put his finger on what exactly he was doing when he decided to ......

[turboplanner]

....take his finger off and try some other method of flying such as .......

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....take his finger off and try some other method of flying such as .......

.... joining AOPA, where he would be encouraged to fly with that finger up his .....

Edited yesterday at 09:44 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

........ERSA to plug any ........

[onetrack]

..........gaps in his maps and charts. However, the novice suddenly became aware, once airborne, that the countryside below didn't seem to match his maps and charts. This led to a great deal of consternation, until he realised that the maps and charts he was in possession of, dated to 1943 and contained information such as "likely enemy target", amongst other things.

 

What was even more unfortunate, was that one of the "likely enemy targets" listed was the Turbine Industries Cat Farm. Upon reading the word "enemy", our novice was overcome with emotions that made him start looking on board for his American flag, and he then sought out the whereabouts of his armaments, which comprised.........

 

Edited 23 hours ago by onetrack

[turboplanner]

.....a bag containing a Maccas Chicken Wings medium meal, 7 Ipads, 2 GoPros and his car keys. This wasn't going to be ............

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....a bag containing a Maccas Chicken Wings medium meal, 7 Ipads, 2 GoPros and his car keys. This wasn't going to be ............

..... a long flight but it would be complicated, because he had been hired to ferry one of Turbo's many P51 Hurricanes to the Bedouri Air Races, which Turbine Marketing had licensed from Reno on the promise that at Bedouri nobody gives a rats about fatalities and the rules will require all aircraft to fly 150 m lower than in Reno.

 

As part of the promo, Turbo said "If we don't see willy willies caused by wing vorticies at every turn, there will be ..... 

[turboplanner]

......a payout of $50.00 per person, and he allocated Cappy to manage any payments. Cappy realised these would be coming from his own pocket and there were going to be 10,000 people because there was a BNS ball out at Big Red. The utes had already started the elimination runs up the big sand hill. Turbo gassed up at Moorabbin and set the GPS for Birdsville, laid back and went to sleep with the 150 dbA exhausts crackling in his ears. "Better than a swag" he thought. At Birdsvile he headed for Big Red, and put the big Hurricane down to prop top level in the dirt; the utes disappeared off the track and at the last millisecond Turbo made a couple of adjustments and the big prop was tearing up Big Red and over the top. He went on to Bedourie and won the third race by flying between the fences. The horses took six weeks of hunting to find and there were jockeys out there for months walking in all directions. There didn't have to be a payout, and Turbo and Cappy were signing autographs all night until Cappy touched .........

 

Turbo flew up one year for the Easter Goat Races and stayed out on a property. The Ligtning Ridge Cup is held on the Saturday past the mine holes and through the scrub. One year the Clerk of Course phoned the property owner saying; "Could I borrow your white horse? Mine's come up lame."

The property owner said she was too young and skittish but the Clerk of Course said it was her or running - life The mare came in first that year.

 

 

[Captain]

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The horses took six weeks of hunting to find and there were jockeys out there for months walking in all directions. There didn't have to be a payout, and Turbo and Cappy were signing autographs all night until Cappy touched .....

...... a chord with Turbo, and then himself, when he asked "Have you noticed that things have started to go wrong in the NES since JW has made his appearance, because here we have had issue with lost jockeys (known colloquially as a "Munchkin Convention"), so what do we do if Johan's family actually do have had a background of Nasty Nazi-ness?"

 

Turdboy, who is actually the de-facto leader of the NES ..... and is also a Rabbi .... took this issue pretty seriously and he ......

 

Below please see a video, which is the spit of the way Turbo gives his sermons during his periods of Rabbi-ness.

 

Edited 1 hour ago by Captain