The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

Turbo is unable to comment as it is the Sabbath.

[Captain]

19 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo is unable to comment as it is the Sabbath.

And he has a  blunt knife + 47 circumcisions to complete by noon.

Edited Friday at 10:21 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

Done. 52 including two spectators.

[bull]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Done. 52 including two spectators.

 who thought they where lining up for hand j@#s from 72 virgins and where bitterly disappointed.  This caused an ..............

[John Werner]

..... onslaught of circumlocution as all present discussed the necessity for removing the forecastle from the organ whilst the vessel was still in port.  Could the hierarchy of the religion be taking the texts too literally or were they just so practised in phallic torture that they couldn't help themselves.  All these questions, and more, will be answered in the revised edition of Revelations for Novices, due out any millenium now.  Meanwhile, back at the temple, Saint Simon Templar was preparing himself for another bite of the cherry  if his circumvented author would write him into the Ketuvim of the Hebrew Bible and part of the Wisdom literature of the Christian Old Testament before Ecclesiastes realises that although everything is meaningless, there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens, provided that ....

[John Werner]

.... minimum temperatures in Hobart and Brisbane will be the same 6 degrees C on Sunday morning which will just go to prove that Victoria and NSW no longer exist as meteorological buffers in the national scheme of things even allowing for the preponderance of hygroscopic nuclei within their borders, unless ......

[Captain]

Cappy notes JWs last 2 comments with vibrant interest.

 

8 hours ago, bull said:

 ..... who thought they where lining up for hand j@#s from 72 virgins and where bitterly disappointed.  This caused an ..............

..... international religious incident, being the 1st time that the Muslims near Turbo's nip and tuck operation have ever been upset about anything, because it turned out that 5 of them were actually women and Turbo failed to pick up the difference when his knife was slashing and flashing, & he .....

 

When Turbo is remunerated  on a per circumcision basis, that is a recipe for bits of skin to be falling like confetti,  be it male or female. 

Edited Saturday at 03:40 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

..........had just rolled his Sling 2 out of the hangar ready for some manouvres when there was the unmistakeable sound of a Volkswagen Kombischaffen screaming across the tarmac, AK47s out every window tearing the windsock off its hinges. He did the only thing he could do .................

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

..........had just rolled his Sling 2 out of the hangar ready for some manouvres when there was the unmistakeable sound of a Volkswagen Kombischaffen screaming across the tarmac, AK47s out every window tearing the windsock off its hinges. He did the only thing he could do ....

..... , he packed his circumcision kit, gave the Sling the berries (even though it was not fully warmed up yet) and because he had no windsock, he had the perfect excuse to take off downwind with 30 knots on the tail, which he had always wanted to do.

 

The Sling 2 handled it beautifully and as he soared into the ......

 

Has any other NESer noticed the report today about a Perth businessman laundering a heap of Money for the Coffin Cheaters 1%er motorcycle maniacs? This has all the hallmarks of a Turbine Banking Corp and OT financial scam as they have both been cheating the coffin for several years and both have about 1% left of their original hair.

Let me know if you need a pro bono Barrister, OT.

 

Below is the very Izmel that Turbo used for his mammoth session referred to in previous posts, including the ladies.

Edited Saturday at 08:49 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

........sky, beautifully flown  through the wingover at the end of the runway, then disappearing into the clouds.

It was in one particular Cumulonimbus that he found a ...........

 

NESers please note: Capp is talking about his skills as a Barrister at the WaggaWaggari Latte Hall Coffee Shop and Nail Painters.

 

[John Werner]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

 

 

.... Below is the very Izmel that Turbo used for his mammoth session referred to in previous posts, including the ladies.

.... this novitiate would like to see the very turban that was used by Izmel for his session of mammoth circumcisions mentioned in dispatches by the ladies, including Melania Trump (nee Knauss).  The very clever juxtaposition of the two symbols of male and female reproductive technology from the early Pleistocene to the Bronze Age is notable for its relevance to the current discussion in this NES forum, without prejudice, according to my lawyer and captain who shall remain nameless whilst pointing out that there is a vas deferens between men and women necessitating the employment of contraband devices on every conceivable occasion as Spike Milligan noted when he .....

[John Werner]

.... explained the reasons that experienced boa constrictors (aka penile circumnavigators) tend to employ non-secateurs when undertaking the congenital mutilation of either gender.  Awarded an ABC Circumcisors World Magazine Best Buy for the best all round tip bypass, these simple non-secateurs have fewer moving parts or gimmicks yet their strong, Japanese steel blades cut cleanly and effortlessly. They're ideal for all pruning tasks, including heavy duty jobs like mature foreskins, cutting consistently well and are well made, sharp and easy to use and feel long-lasting. Their red and white handles make them hard to lose in the undergrowth, both during the day and at night and although the safety catch, which is at the end of the handle takes some getting used to, once mastered, it's a breeze. They have a handy hole for hanging them up after use and although the blade will rust slightly if not cared for and dipped in Olive Oil occasionally, provided these non-secateurs are looked after well they should last you years.  Remember, a non-sequitur joke has no explanation, but it reflects the idiosyncrasies, mental frames and alternative world of the particular comic persona who is doing the circumcision or congenital mutilation, as the case may be, at the time.  We tested the different types of non-secateurs, using them on a range of different men and at different times of the day and night to help you find the right pair for your synagogue.  This text was brought to you after many years of research and failed operations by Sir Cumference, otherwise known as .....

[Captain]

.... the rated size of the Cheezel that results, ..... after cooking.

 

The Cheezel factory was owned by 

.....

[turboplanner]

......well it was owned by Cappy through a dummy corporation in the Maldives, but Cappy knows that, so it's a leading question best to be avoided unless.......

 

[Captain]

50 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......well it was owned by Cappy through a dummy corporation in the Maldives, but Cappy knows that, so it's a leading question best to be avoided unless.......

 

..... you are attempting to create a Black-Swan or False-Flag event, so as to distract from the ......

[turboplanner]

.....subject and that's exactly what Turbo was trying to do. He'd been called on the RedPhone by Langley at 320 hours and told to activate for a Black Swan event, well it wasn't one now but it's going to be after we strike. As luck would have it, Turbo had been up to the Spratleys and checked all the Corsairs, now numbering six. Old Nobushi was in charge of them. He's 97 now and banned from flying airctraft, but Turbo notices each time he goes up that each airctraft has flown a few more hours. (. Nob's likely to be first off the deck if this BS all blows up.)

 

As NES readers know President XI is a mate of Cappy and Turbo who give him free use of the resort (XI usually leaves it in a mess, but that's all right.)

 

Late one night XI had blurted out that Trump was a XXXX and XI was going to attack Pearl Harbour. With the aid of Cappy's gin and Turbo's reasoning that the last effort didn't go all that well, and Nob blurting out "Yeah, I got to go to XXXXXX COWLA they thought they had the situation under control, but last week the infrared cams in the Spratleys showed a big fleet silently heading towards the Hawaiian Islands. Two stopped apparently when they ran out of battery and the rudder fell of a third, but the fleet charged on.

 

Turbo had done what Langley wanted and sent little Albo up to pacify XI, but .........

 

 

[John Werner]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

.... you are attempting to create a Black-Swan or False-Flag event, so as to distract from the ......

..... fact that, over the weekend (pronounced "weekend" in French), medical science has discovered a cure for the virulent form of verbosity which consisits of one part silence and two parts introspection which should be welcome news to .....

[John Werner]

Just now, John Werner said:

which consisits of

.... which consists of ... welcome news to .... captain and turbo et al .....

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo had done what Langley wanted and sent little Albo up to pacify XI, but .........

 

.... nobody could explain the Chinese surfboards that bedecked the Chinese fleet ..... except Cappy, who was down in Argentina helping Javier, and Cappys reasoning went something like this, .....

[John Werner]

37 minutes ago, Captain said:

except Cappy, who was down in Argentina helping Javier

..... since this post, I have changed my name by speed doll from "Javier" to "Guillermo Villas" in an attempt to improve my tennis game.  It must have worked somewhat as Captain is still looking for the ball in the Avenida del Mayo in between bouts of .....

[Captain]

39 minutes ago, John Werner said:

..... since this post, I have changed my name by speed doll from "Javier" to "Guillermo Villas" in an attempt to improve my tennis game.  It must have worked somewhat as Captain is still looking for the ball in the Avenida del Mayo in between bouts of .....

No Johnboy, Cappy was down in Argentina to quell an insurrection of shirty Bolivians, which is the type of work that Turdy and Crappy have been doing since Vicky asked us to sort the Khyber out ("The Khyber is a pain in my arse" Vicky had said, via Winston Churchill who was just another pushy bloke, as Turbs & Cappy saw him whenever they were playing up while on R&R in Londiniam).

 

In this case Tubb was committed to sorting out the Spatleys and Cappy was suppressing the Bolivians, plus giving all of Javier's chainsaws a tune up (Cappy has the highest tune up qualification from Husqvarna).

 

As it turns out, Turbo had misinterpreted Qi's intentions and the fleet were just carrying the Chinese surfing team (Kowabunga Dude) who just wanted a bit of practice ahead of this year's Pipeline Masters.

Edited Sunday at 11:01 PM by Captain

[John Werner]

6 minutes ago, Captain said:

to quell an insurrection of shirty Bolivians

.... oddly enough, a mate of mine who worked in a tin mine in Bolivia brought me back a gift of Bolivian denim shirts with Birds of Paradise motifs on the front and which I never wore for fear of ....

[Captain]

Just now, John Werner said:

.... oddly enough, a mate of mine who worked in a tin mine in Bolivia brought me back a gift of Bolivian denim shirts with Birds of Paradise motifs on the front and which I never wore for fear of ....

Wow Johan. That is fascinating and the NES has been crying out for a dissertation, in comment form, about BDSs with BoPm's.

[Captain]

16 hours ago, Captain said:

.... nobody could explain the Chinese surfboards that bedecked the Chinese fleet ..... except Cappy, who was down in Argentina helping Javier, and Cappys reasoning went something like this, .....

..... when considering Chinese political strategies, always give additional weight to the enjoyment & "Let-their-hair-down" aspects of any moves that are made.

 

"It is irrefutable that the 5 million blokes and blokettes in Chinese uniform want & need great dollops of fun and to have a fleet surfing contest ahead of the Pipeline Masters would be just the ticket to become happy future warfighters".

 

Qi himself is a goofy footer with a Kelly Slater like bottom turn .... and 5 million surfboards make great camouflage cover for the fleet. (They even cheated by towing, then allowing, their best 500 surfers to ride the wash from their aircraft carriers, which is strictly forbidden in the rules of the Pipeline Masters & the Eddie Ikau competitions).

 

Sure, to have the entire Chinese fleet parked off the North Shore and chucking their food wrappers overboard may be a bit intimidating, but hey, to make a #64 Moggie Omelette you surely have to break a few .......

Edited 20 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

......records. Cappy's emotional, if verbose, post above is because he claims to have invented surfing in the Big Flood on the Murrumbidgee. He surfed Murrumbidgee King Wave in the 1923 flood from Wagga Wagga to the Gillenbah truck stop on a piece of corrugated iron. 

 

Not many people know that in fact surfing was invented in Polynesia by Akamulakikaipo Duke Turbine, the son of the famous Joshua Duke Turbine who rowed a boat from Aberdeen to SanFransico in 1657, island hopping on the way.

 

It was on the stopover at Nikumaroro that he found ........

Edited 11 hours ago by turboplanner